A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have caused a huge mess and i know i deserve every last bit of what i've caused but please, i need some help.i was with someone who was good to me for a couple of years now. i know how much he loves me. he loves me more than anything in the entire world. everyone knew it. his friends, my friends. he just wasn't good at expressing it through words. and i needed that.i cheated on him with another man and i developed feelings for this other guy, too. i know it was wrong. i should have either stayed with my boyfriend and worked on our problems or moved on and seen what this new guy had to offer. but i didn't. and now my boyfriend found out about the other guy and i crushed him. he didn't deserve it at all. i feel terrible. but i really care for them both. my boyfriend, being the guy he is, loves me enough to want to stick by my side and work through this. but i'm still attached to the other guy too. so i don't know how to give him my all if i did go back to him... i'm so torn apart and confused. i DON'T want to lose my boyfriend. i love him. but i don't know how to break my attachment to this other guy, either. please help. i know i was completely in the wrong and this is all my fault for being selfish, but i don't know what to do now.
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female
reader, lm9hi  +, writes (16 July 2011):
 If your in love with two people, choose the second one, because if you were truely in love with the first guy, you wouldnt have fallen for the second one.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): wiseoldman is right.
You need to work on yourself, not on a relationship. You have issues that a relationship won't fix.
Pathological need for reaffirmation of being wanted or needed or desired.
Work with a counselor, figure out why you'd treat someone like this, were you abused, neglected, have alcoholic or drug abusing or mentally ill parents, did your parents cheat, etc, etc, etc, etc.
There is always a cause for this, it is never "just happened".
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (15 July 2011):
My answer's short and perhaps not so sweet: If you are genuinely torn between two guys, neither one is the right man for you otherwise choosing between the two would be easier. With that in mind, it might be best for all concerned, and most ethical, if you dropped both and continued your search for a man you want to stay with.
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