A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunties,Lately I have been an emotional wreck. I am torn between being closer to my family and starting a family with my soon to be husband. Right now I am 22 and he is 28. We met 3 years ago, at that time I just moved from California and now live in Philly with him in a small apartment. Originally I was born in Philly and moved to California when I was a freshman in HS because my family moved and at that time I really didnt have a choice. After graduating from High School in Cali, my single mother and I had our differences. (she is old-fashion) and she decided to kick me out of the house when I was 18 and I was forced to drop out of college and go to work full-time. I had such a horrible time trying to find a place to stay so my best friend in Philly offered me a helping hand until I could get on my own 2 feet again. Shortly after moving in with her I met a great man who is now my fiance. He is wonderful to me in every way possible. Recently, my mother fell sick with an illness and not to mention I also have 5 younger brothers with the youngest being 4. I miss them everyday because I am so far I am unable to be there for them. To make a long story short, It has been 3 years that I have been living in Philly with my fiance with NO friends and family near by. I am so lonely here everyday. I want to move back to California because it has so much more to offer and also I love everything about it. But my fiance would not even consider moving back with me. His whole family lives in Philly and right now he is trying to buy a home in Delaware which makes it even worse because there is not a single body that I know in the state of delaware besides his family. I understand that he is ready to move forward in our relationship but I refuse to continue to be so far away from the people that I love. In addition to feeling this way, I also want to go back to school for Nursing but I want to do so in California. Am I being selfish for feeling this way? He says Im not considerng his feelings yet I am. I understand that the transition from Philly to Cali may be hard but well worth it. He wants to grow in his profession a a music artist, why not move to a state where your dreams can come true? I feel as though I am in a lose or lose situation because if I stay in Philly with my fiance.. and things don't work out as planned, I will always think in the back of my mind "Darn I should have gone to Cali" but if I move to Cali and things dont work out as planned, I will regret not staying in Philly to make it work with my fiance. All in all I am willing to take that risk for my happiness, for my happiness lies in California where there weather is always nice, there is always something to do, the atmosphere of people are kinder, and most importantly... my only family will always be close to me. My question is, am I making the right decision?... I have invested 3 years into my current relationship, no family no close friends nearby, I don't think its fair that I have given him so much of me that he cant even CONSIDER moving to Cali with me, or my feelings... What is the best advice that you can give me for my current situation? Please feel free to ask any questions you may need. Thank you for your time
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female
reader, jstdunno +, writes (18 August 2009):
I think you know the answer. You have to move back to Cali. You gave the relationship your all but you're not feeling fulfilled. Maybe he'll move with you and try and make it work. If he won't , that will just confirm that it's run it's course.You're young , you've been in a relationship since you were 19. It's time for some fun in the sun and bonding with your family. Not to sound morbid but I have someone in my family right now with health problems and she looked at me the other night and said 'I'm not afraid of dying , the only thing to be afraid of is not living fully'Are you living fully? If you marry this man will you be able to look back on your life and say I lived fully? Will you regret that you didn't spend more time with your family?If you do decide for some reason to go to Delaware , try to make it to CA as often as you can and have your family visit too. I know it's $$$ but you'll regret it later on if you end up only seeing family once a year or something.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 Well, I can only tell you that life happens while you are busy making other plans!
When you did state that you moved, you also mentioned that you moved to Philly and in with at least ONE good friend. And he has his family their as well, and it would seem that he, ALSO, is there. So, Philly has positive points as well.
Having said that, you do have a point that the music industry is bigger in L.A., but only if you are planning on relocating close by L.A..
If you DO relocate, have you considered that you will become the matriarch of your birth family and be looked up to as the one who should be depended on? I can see that happening. I know that you miss your siblings, but be prepared for the harsh reality of taking over your mothers job.
As far as the past is concerned, if you go back in time, you have to realize that your Mom may have expected you to grow up pretty quickly for this day and age. BUT, being the single Mom to FIVE would probably prompt a lot of harsh reality. You might just want to use a bit of charity when you judge her, she seems to have done her best. Cancer hasn't got eyes or morality, if it did, I would have hoped that a women raising that many kids on her own would be exempted.
You are he are at crossed purposes, mainly because of your ages. He is at the age where he want to settle down and make plans, You are at the age where you want to follow your dreams. I fear that being back in Cali may not be as you imagine it, but, it does sound like your own choice.
Recognize that the "BIGGEST" part of every choice means "leaving something behind", and then try to decide what it is that you can live with.
My daughter is only a bit older than you are, 23. She was dating a really lovely guy who was 30. He wanted to be serious and make plans, she wasn't ready.
Do you have to be ready?
Is this the guy?
Only you can decide. XXX
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