A
male
age
30-35,
*3puremage1
writes:I have done things that are quite stupid because I love a girl but she doesn't love me. For example, I got into a school which only take in 5 people in sixth form and this year more than 300 talented students applying because it has 27% of Oxbridge admission hit rate and it is a state school. However, I have chosen to go to a normal private school because I want to see her more but I am awarded with a scholarship too. I know I am being very irrational but humans are emotional animals.Am I stupid? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, 83puremage1 +, writes (3 June 2011):
83puremage1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Hi there. I have read more of your questions. You need some help getting over this obsessive thinking about her. Have you told your parents about these feelings?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-cant-i-be-with-the-girl-that.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-cant-the-girl-i-love-appreciate-all.html You said you hoped you could move on back in December. This is now June and you are still stuck in the cycle of obsessing about her. You quit the market for her. You dump friends for her. You change your school choice for her. You are making decisions about your life on feelings for a girl who does not reciprocate them. You do need some help, and I think it's time you get professional help. Tell your parents what you are thinking and why you are thinking about it.
And then we read this one:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-am-being-forced-to-go-to-boarding.html In which you say you don't want to go to the school, but you don't mention her. So you already had thoughts about not going? This was back in January.
And then this one: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-break-up-this-couple-.html in which my prediction on 13 January has proven to come true. You ask for advice but cannot implement it. You are indeed stuck in obsessive thought patterns.
In this one http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-told-her-everything-and-now-she-doesnt.html you admit to doing something stupid for her and that you tend to swallow your feelings and hide things from people. This tells me you need to find a way to talk to your parents.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-else-can-i-do-to-gain-her.html You really have trouble leaving her alone, don't you? You can't accept that she simply isn't going to be with you? Wow.
In this one you say you are a logical thinker http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-does-she-want.html but you are taking actions that defy logic. So you aren't really logical.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/shall-i-tell-the-girl-whom-i-love.html Still obsessing.
More obsessing: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-face-her-now-after-i.html
This one should never have been published! http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-stupid-to-fall-for-someone.html You said some things in here that should have caused the site to tell you to seek professional counseling ASAP.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-just-cant-persuade-myself-to-believe-that.html Still stuck in the same cycle.
In this one, you actually say you think you have psychological problems: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-just-not-happy-and-feel-like-a.html but then you don't get the help you know you need.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-i-deserve-a-girl-who-loves-me.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-remove-this-girl-from-my-friend.html
And again you say you think you have psychological problems in here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ive-hurt-her-and-regret-it-now.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-contact-her-to-see-how-she.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-can-i-do-the-girl-i-love.html And you continue to batter your head against this problem and can't seem to see that you do need professional help.
Here you realized that you are not logical when it comes to this situation: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-still-feel-jealousy-i-still-feel-pain.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-she-acting-so-cold-towards-me.html She's acting cold to you because you are obsessed with her and she cannot tolerate it. No healthy person could. This is seriously getting scary.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-you-believe-god-gives-signs-to-tell.html
"I personally is in a similar situation as yours one but the only difference is she doesn't like me.
"I had prayed to God for this incident nearly every single night because simply I was mentally exhausted.
"Praying to God does give yourself some kind of better feelings but in reality you are the only one who can change the future of yourself. I have been persuading myself to leave her but everyday I fail. I understand how hard it is.
"When human comes to love, we become irrational and emotional. This happens to everyone including myself. I got into one of the top state school in the UK but I didn't choose it simply because I couldn't persuade myself to leave her even though she doesn't love me. I kind of feel God had allowed to me to choose my future but I have chosen love instead of academics. But I still got a scholarship from the school I am going to, so thats pretty good."
You are right that the only one who can change things is yourself, and yourself needs to take you to your parents and tell them you are experiencing all these feelings and problems. If it is a cultural expectation that you be perfect and and ideal student and son, please go and tell a teacher or the counselor at the school.
You need professional help. Please apply your logical brain to that problem and get it solved sooner so you can go on about your life, because right now, you are STUCK and making decisions that will hurt you later on in life.
Seriously, please GET HELP. And I don't mean ask the nice people here at DearCupid, I mean practical, local, real actual help from a person who is trained in counseling and supporting young people like yourself. Okay?
Best wishes to you.
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A
male
reader, 83puremage1 +, writes (3 June 2011):
83puremage1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo be honest she is not the only reason for not choosing the best sixth form. I am not those kind of academic genius since I just know I am not. The private school I am going is still very good even though it is not as good as the state one.
But anyway thanks for everyone's advise.
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A
male
reader, 83puremage1 +, writes (3 June 2011):
83puremage1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for everyone advise but now there is no way back.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Oh yes, quite irrational. It's not about the girl, it's about your future. At your age, unless you have a trust fund, career should be a priority.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2011):
THIS girl? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-does-she-wants-from-me.html
Yes, you are being foolish. But maybe you really can't face the challenges of the better school, so maybe it's for the best. You choose the easier path and blame it on love, that's fine. But don't expect this gesture to win the girl, sorry, she isn't interested in you. Life is full of disappointments like that. We all have to learn to cope with losing something we want really badly but can't have.
I guess another lucky young man will be happy to take your place in the better school, and he'll get to meet the girl that is outstanding there, instead of you. Pity.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2011):
Yes. You are being foolish, if you are basing the course of your future education and possibly Uni because of an unrequited love.
OR
No, if you really think you won't do well at that superior school and would do better at a regular school.
Don't make important life decisions on the basis of feelings for a girl. There may be an absolutely wonderful girl waiting to meet you at the better school, a girl who makes the one you're currently in love with look like a limp dishrag.
What do you think? Are you a bright guy or one who is being led around by his emotions?
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Well I would not say you are 'stupid' as that is not a nice word, but you have been very foolish, irrational and very silly.
I dont want to offend you by saying that, but you have made a very bad decision and I think deep down you know it. You have passed up on the chance of a liftime, to give you an amazing chance at a fantastic future....and for what? A teenage girl who you wont even know in 2 years time? And she doesnt love you?!
Your future is THE most important thing, nothing else matters compared to getting a good education and getting the chance to go to a great University. You were incredibly lucky to have been offered that place, it is a real shame you turned that down and sorry to say this, but once this girl has gone to a different University and you never see her again, you will regret your decision and will probably regret it for the rest of your life.
As I have just mentioned, despite being in the same sixth form as the girl you like - you are only there for 2 years until University, and I can tell you now you wont end up going to the same Uni as her, so you will be apart in 2 years time and will never see her again. Never mind the fact that she is not interested in you - if she doesnt want to be with you then what is the point in following her around like a lovesick puppy?
I hope the private school you are going to is a good one and that you still have a good chance of getting into a Uni of your choice, because you will be so pissed off with yourself if you miss out on Oxbridge (if thats what you want) because when you were 16 you liked a girl that didnt like you back. When you are older you will look back on this and seriously kick yourself, even if this girl did love you and you were together - the relationship would never last much past the age of 18!
One golden rule of being a teenager - never make any educational decisions based on somebody else, because chances are that person will not be in your life in the future - so there is no point in making decisions based on someone else when they wont even be part of your life. You have to make decisions that are right for YOU and your future, this girl is irrelevant long term so it is a shame you have wasted a wonderful opportunity over a teenage crush.
But, its done now - so all you can do is make the most of what you have, and hopefully the private sixth form is good and you will work very hard and your future wont be compromised.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Yes, you're being very stupid and potentially harming your own future making a bad decision based on a girl that has no feeling for you.
you're young, you have the best years of your life ahead of you! Don't get bogged down chasing girls at your age, go out and have fun, there's plenty of time for you to settle down and you're going to find a girl that reciprocates your love!
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