A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am girl and I joined college last year and made friends with this girl in my class and subsequently joined her group. Everything was fine, we sat together in a same lesson and got on well. About a month into knowing her I sent a text message starting ‘Hey Hun….’ (short for honey), a few days later I noticed a change in her behaviour. She started to constantly stare at me, sometimes with a smile, all of the time, mostly at lunch times. She would stare at my face with her eyes wide open, fixedly for ages, even if she was sitting right next to me, then look away after a while. She also made an odd remark to our friend in the group, who was informing her about a friend that she had in one of her lessons who was sitting at a table opposite us, she strangely replied to her, ‘well that’s my friend over there’ and she was talking about me, my friend got confused a little thinking why she said that even though we were all one group, was she trying to gain my attention? The staring continued for ages until I left the group for another. I started to notice that after this event she started to ignore me in the lesson we had for another girl- I even got picked on quite a lot and she didn’t even care to ask me if I was alright. I noticed also that if I was walking/ hanging out with my mates in front of her she would constantly look at me cunningly all of the time, she did although maintain talking to me apart from that particular lesson. Over the year she would deliberately look away if she saw me walking together with a male friend, or with other people and sometimes would stare for ages if I had my back turned towards her, she also constantly stared at me during a trip as well. Even if I was on my own she would stare and if I sometimes didn’t say hi to her she would make sure that I said hi, she would get silently angry and would be very persistent to get a response from me. But whenever I was absent she would always be the first to text and ask me where I was which I found very sweet. I then became ill towards the end of last year (of the college year) and she text me asking where I was and I told her this and that I needed a month off college, she said that I had left her all alone in that lesson which surprised me as I thought she didn’t care. We then met up twice in the holidays and everything went well apart from a certain behaviour that happened on both occasions that led me to feel suspicious, every time I would walk past certain girls who looked at me as they walked by, she would become very agitated and would look at my face constantly to see if I was looking at them which was weird. I also told her I might not be back for the new year at college during the second meeting and she became concerned and told me adamantly that I should come back, give it a try and that I would miss out on things which was very nice of her to show concern. The day before the first day back for the second year she text me (the first person to do so also) to see if I was coming back the next day, I said yes and said that she was glad to hear I was coming back. On the first day she was very anxious to stay with me (even though she has lots of friends whom she is very happy with) and wanted me to stay near her group, I could tell as she didn’t want me to meet my friends and kept on looking at me even though I was right next to her to see if I would walk away. I went to my other friends soon after and she saw me hug them and give them hi- fives etc and since then up until this day which is about six months she tries to not hang around with me, she will talk but feels the need to escape with her friends if im near her, I did recently stop talking to her for a month which bothered her as she tried to find out why and tried to make me talk to her back. I told her that she was ignoring me, like last year in that lesson and she replied she didn’t know why she had done this, she said sorry but continued the behaviour. She still stares up until this very day and still looks away if im with new people, she even has tried a little to try and get to know them as well. She still texts me if im not in college with concern and still talks, but if one her friends arrives when she is talking to me she deliberately moves on and ignores me to show me she isn’t bothered about me and that I am a side piece but cunningly she still looks at me periodically whilst ignoring. Also a very strange thing to mention is that she still becomes very alert and anxious when I look at other girls whilst im standing with her, she looks back and forth at our faces. Also my friend hugged and tapped me on the arm once in front of her and she instantly looked down in a very hurt and disappointed way whilst she was having a conversation with one of her friends. Also I was getting a small fly out of her hair once and she was staring open- eyed at my face whilst doing so. She also has always stared at my moms car when she drops me off at college if she is standing outside too waiting for her mom and my mom noticed this staring behaviour herself. I still believe she is kind at heart as she has said really nice things in the past and recently for instance if I said I was crap at something she would always back me up which I really adore her for. Want I want to know is she obsessed with me, possessiveness of me or is she gay? The text with the word ‘Hun’ triggered the behaviour most likely as you don’t start staring at someone for no reason, her looking down in hurt and getting angry when im with other people also makes me suspicious, she doesn’t see wrong in gay people as she once said, as a person she in no way looks as though she is gay as she is feminine but this odd behaviour arouses my suspicions greatly and is too intimate and outlandish for someone to behave like this if they like their friend. I know on the first day back she really wanted to be with me and that if I was to stay with her (then, not now as she knows I love my other friends also) she would be very loyal, loving and caring, but she goes too far and she doesn’t like seeing me with others. But what was all the ignoring about last year and this year, is it because she is retaliating because she’s hurt that I don’t give her all my attention? Or is she just plain nasty? But if she didn’t like me, why does she always text me to ask me where I am when im absent as soon as she gets home? And why does she usually get happy when she sees me after a while? Is her possessiveness linked with her slightly violent comments (not to me or people)/ interest in violence and death and the anger which she sometimes displays to me? I mean she totally looks the other way if I coming from ahead with others even if she walks into a wall. These days I was telling her we have very few days together as we will leave but she still doesn’t meet up with me ever when I tell her to even though she spends heaps of time with her other friends. So I just need to know what is all this type of behaviour about and what does she feel for me? Does she feel her demands aren’t fulfilled? Btw she never obsessively texts/ calls or follows only stares and gets angry etc like some people do or ever says anything nasty to me or about me to anyone. I send her a lot of friendship chain messages also like I do to all my other friends but she never returns them back so she doesn’t like me? Thanks a lot, I will return answers if you have questions too.XXX
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male
reader, Sersys  +, writes (6 February 2010):
i had 2 guy classmates who were always together, so close they literally slept on each others shoulder during class yet they had their own girlfriends. its was really confusing but the relationship between those 2 were a brother like relationship not sexual. maybe she is a bit antisocial and you are the only one she can really talk to so freely. you couldn't have noticed her antisocial side since she can talk to you freely. also, this would explain the 'hon' trigger. the staring could be the reason why people are avoiding her. however people tend to get bored of each other yet they want to keep the contact and a good mood between each other. if you like her (as a friend) you should put up with her staring and other things, hang out with her more regularly. if she is gay you can always tell her you are not, and avoid her if necessary. the best thing would be if you could get her a boyfriend but that would be difficult even for pro partner finding agent.
A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (5 February 2010):
 Hey there well that is a long question, which is good because it helps give a better picture of the situation that you have found yourself in. Well to start i have to say there is no such thing as "looking gay" anyone can be gay, the girly girls or tough guys, anyone. Now this girl is definately obsessive that is clear to anyone but the reason for this is what is most confusing. The way it all started after the "hun" comment is strange, and her behaviour does seem one of a jealous person, she may have feelings for you (which does not mean she is gay, she maybe bisexual or even confused) but this may be a hard thing for her to deal with. You could ask her but she may not be willing to talk about it. My advice to you would be to avoid her on a social level, dont be rude or mean to her but dont be good friends with her either. please give me feedback on your situation it would be very appriciated.
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