A
male
age
36-40,
*lvine
writes:My girlfriend expects to talk for hours every single day. I've run out of things to talk about and uses that against me. We only see each other about 4-5 days a month on weekends due to the fact she works in another city. I'm not in school right now nor working so I'm pretty much available to talk with her 24/7. We talk everyday on GTalk (Google Messenger) saying hi and hows the day been going. Off and on small conversation while she's at work. When she gets off we usually talk more on Gtalk when shes home or Skype. When we first met we talked for 8 hours on the phone then 6 hours the next night. When we decide to get off skype because I'm going to bed. She's texted me in the past right after saying "Oh, not going to to call and say good night." So when I do call her to say good night she won't let me get off the phone. She's 21 and I'm 24, I feel like I'm back in high school or middle school with the "No, don't get off the phone" kind of stuff. Is it wrong of me to have nothing to talk about besides how was our day? Am I a bad person to not want to talk to my girlfriend off and on throughout the whole day? I think I'm too available to her. We've been dating about 3 months and I was her first.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): Yeah pal. Youre building an expectation for her for you to be available and that can be unhealthy as it can create some issues as you have described. Im in an LDR right now and I told her from the start I dont need to contact you every day or cling to you but I do like to stay in touch so I send her a few emails every day, short ones.. and also call her once in a while. We have that trust and when we talk we enjoy each other cause its not often.
Ill advise you gradually decrease contact a bit just so dont hold expectations of each other and create possible resentment. Too much contact can annoy one another as well cause yeah you do run out of things to talk about and will feel to always need to create conversation on an unnatural level. Good luck man.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 March 2011):
 Being too available is rarely a good thing. There's no need to suddenly go cold turkey (or you'll definitely upset her), but it would be good to gradually start cutting back. You can't miss someone if you're always in touch! For instance, set a time every night to talk and only talk on the phone at night, and when you say good night, really say goodnight. I'd limit your interactions during the day, say only to texting or something. If you keep this up you'll eventually start to resent her and feel smothered, and you don't want that.
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A
female
reader, sneha09  +, writes (23 March 2011):
 Its nothing odd for you that you don't like to talk much neither for your gf if she does.May be you don't feel like talking much but try to give her time in some other way which both of you will enjoy.You meet only few days,even you people don't talk much over phone,thats somewhat odd.According to me, you people can have a long talk over phone at night only with a short chat for 1 or 2 times(so that you both can gather things to share with each other when you talk next time), no need to talk for whole day .There is nothing to do with good or bad for this.Since you are not working, she may be trying to get more time from you,let yourself be busy with any sort of hobbies or other works so that you don't get all these thoughts and get something to share with her.Just say no to her when you are busy.All the best.
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A
male
reader, Elvine +, writes (23 March 2011):
Elvine is verified as being by the original poster of the question@GeeGee , I think if I try to tell her this she won't hear it or she'll think you're being unreasonable. Also, I will be starting school again next week. How do you tell a girl she's clingy!?
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (23 March 2011):
 "Is it wrong of me to have nothing to talk about besides how was our day?" No, there is nothing wrong with that. When you talk to a person so often, you can run out of things to talk about."Am I a bad person to not want to talk to my girlfriend off and on throughout the whole day?" No, you are not. My fiance and I work different hours so we see each other mainly on the weekends. So, when those two days come along, sometimes I need to go have me time so I don't have to listen to him anymore. It's not that I don't love him, I'm just used to being alone. Same for you, you may be used to NOT talking to a woman everyday so this is abnormal for your routine.And to your topic question...She's too clingy. You stated that you were her first and for women (generally) that is a big deal. She may feel the need to be so connected to you it is hurting your relationship. I wouldn't give up on it though if you really like her. Just explain it to her. Use I feel statements, "I feel like I am being rude when I don't want to call you. I don't want to feel that way, but sometimes I need a day to myself." Or something to that extent. If it doesn't work, you will either have to put up with it or let her go.Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (23 March 2011):
 Yes it does sound a little like high school, but with no job and no school you don't have much of an excuse to get out of it. I'd start trying to weed it down gradually. Like each evening between 8 and 10 or something. No calls during the day unless its an emergency. And no more then 3 texts.
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