A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Love is a fickle thing sometimes.I love my friend, have for the past 7 years, but he doesn't love me.Recently, I introduced him to my best friend since childhood; they get along well together. Too well, as I found out about a week ago.As far as I know, they haven't done anything together but he told me that he loves her (or at least likes her), which is exactly what I was worrying about all along.The thing that really pisses me off is that he was emotionally stilted (still is a bit) and yet he falls for her when I'm the one who wants him. She doesn't even want him, AT ALL!I feel hurt and a bit betrayed. I was his first friend and love him unconditionally, even though it hurts so bad, even though a part of me felt like it died when he told me he doesn't feel the same way. It may seem dramatic, but that's how it feels, truly.Things confuse me still. I think I'm ugly and he's told me 142 times (srsly, he's kept count) that I'm not, that I'm attractive. I was tired on the bus the other day and he let me sleep on his shoulder. He does these things that give me false hope that he'll come around and love me eventually: it's so INFURIATING! We're close friends but sometimes I wonder.To make things worse, he's relying on me for advice on where to go from here. He knows she doesn't like him and will most likely never love him (she finds him repulsive and too annoying among other things; she asked me one time how I put up with him for 7 years. I told her it's because I love him.). I hurt for him too because he is an overall good guy and can be really sweet sometimes, but I know he's right: she won't love him. It would be a real big surprise if she did anyways.Part of me thinks that all this is karma for not loving me, that he deserves it. I think I am a horrible person for thinking this, yet I cannot help but think it still.I know I have to move on and try to find someone else that will love me like I love them but it's hard to stop loving someone when you've been really close friends for the better part of 10 years. I guess I'm just writing this on here to give me a push (shove, really) to get on with my life. What do y'all think of this situation?Sincerely,J
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys are right. He knows I love him already but I can't take bein hurt like I am anymore. I should distance myself. It's hard though; my best friend (the one he likes) always wants to hang out with me and him and even though I've told her that I don't wanna hang out with him sometimes she invites him over anyways. I dunno how I'm gonna do it, I'll find a way, I guess.
P.S. Does anyone know of any good places online or in Toronto to meet guys? I've eharmony and PlentyofFish, but no luck so far.
A
female
reader, tibob  +, writes (12 August 2012):
 You have given seven long years of your life to this man and you seem to be getting very little in return. It's obvious that he considers you as only a close friend nothing more. I think that you should accept this and move on. Maybe, when you put a bit of distance with him, he will realise your importance as right now he's taking you for granted. You cannot remain friend with him as you love him and you will always suffer if you keep him in your life. You will never be able to love another man. The best thing to do for your own benefit is to tell him that you love him. At least he will know. If he loves you, perfect and if not, just move on
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (12 August 2012):
Well, you’ve figured it out already haven’t you? You do indeed need to move on. This guy has done nothing to give you false hope: letting you rest on his shoulder on the bus isn’t a flirtatious gesture. You’re just reading too much in to his actions because you want to feel that there’s a chance, when what you need to do is accept that there isn’t. Both you and he are in the position where you need to accept that you want some-one that you can’t have: he wants the friend of yours who’s not interested, whilst you want him although he’s not interested. You should advise him that, if she doesn’t feel the same for him as he does for her, he needs to come to terms with this and move on. You need to follow exactly that same advice when it comes to your relationship with him. You’ve no right to be angry or jealous because he’s been totally honest with you, but your feelings for him are clouding your judgement. Perhaps a bit of distance is needed if you can’t cope with friendship alone.I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2012): Life is too short to wait for someone. Be honest with yourself. What is it that you really want from him? Do you want him to make you his wife? Do you want to be his wife, bear his children and build a home together? Or do you just want to have a boyfriend like everybody else? Until you sort this out in your heart, this situation will never change. If a lifelong relationship (aka marriage) is what you hope the outcome is going to be, then to me the best way to finally end your emotional torture is to tell him that you love him and have always loved him. When you've done telling him that, then you ask him if he loves you and feels the same way. If he says no then there's your answer. Put him behind you, physically and emotionally. Be socially active and meet other men. Don't let one guy become the source of hinderance to your progress in life. You are a woman with needs. If he doesn't want to be a man to you then fine. Find someone else who will love you and be a man to you.
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