A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is aimed at all the men. When you reach your mid 30's and you are looking for a long term partner, we know most women will have at least one child. Do men have a maximum number of step children they will take on board? What number of children would make a man back off from pursuing a real relationship?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): This is the reason its better to find one partner and stay together. No one will take on other peoples children given a choice. Seriously who would take a woman on with 4 kids? No one.
A
male
reader, curlywurly44  +, writes (7 January 2012):
Nothing would put a decent guy off pursuing a relationship with a single mum as far as i know, except if there was more children than he was willing to handle. To walk right into a relationship with 3 or more children would be daunting. I dont think many would do it. It doesnt mean you are necessarily rejecting each child individually.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): i would not want to have step kids but would accept it if she had up to two children. any more than that i wouldnt go near.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): I admit, i would be embarrassed if i was seen dating a girl with loads of kids.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): Too much drama. I dont want step kids. Its a mugs game.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): Op, if you met a man with kids living with him and you didnt have any,would you choose that man over a man with no kids or less kids? Its no different. Men who want to end up with loads of offsprings that dont belong to him will be very few,if any. I would go no more than two,and even then i would have to think very carefully about it first.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): I am suprised by all the answers being more or less the same. Myself, i would rather no step kids. Like everyone else 1 or maybe 2, i wont rule it out, but 3 i just would not get myself in that situation.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): I get the impression you are not having as much luck finding a partner compared to when you was last on the dating scene, before having children? All people are different. Lets suppose this question was reversed to a male single parent in the same situation. It would be exactly the same because people in general do not decide they want a ready made family. The more children there are the less likely you will find someone. That is whether male or female. It is unfortunate, but very true that people dont want to take on children that are not their own.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): Its not too bad if theres 1 you can get to know over time. 2 is a maybe. 3 or over never never never.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): i believe if you take on other mens kids you are only doing it because theres nothing better out there for you. given the choice of a woman with kids to a woman with none, the choice is obvious. i would hate to end up stuck with kids that are not mine. i would rather be on my own than that.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): I would not seek a girl who has kids. If she did I could accept it, but I could not go into a ready made family with more than two. Its far too much to take on.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): I think it depends on the woman and the situation with the divorce. I'm married so it doesn't apply to me, but if I was single, I wouldn't automatically not date a woman with kids, but I think my limit would be 2, maybe 3. I'm not about to take on someone with 5 kids or something.But the even bigger thing is the situation with the ex-husband. If he is involved with the kids and not a jerk. Then that would be fine. If he's being a jerk and still bothering my girlfriend (and potential wife), then I wouldn't want to be involved in that, you know fights and all that. If they're over, they're over, I'd be the new guy. If the 'ex' isn't in the picture at all, not seeing the kids, not supporting them, etc, then it would still be fine, but I'd make sure it was clear that I was taking over as 'dad'. Not some wishy-washy 'kind of dad' that can't establish rules and run the family like a normal household. Also, I agree with the poster about having more kids. If I was single, met a woman who already had 2-3 kids and never wanted more, then I would have to leave the relationship. It's a natural desire to procreate, and I would want at least 1 more that was biologically mine, even though I would learn to love and treat the step-kids as my own.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): Never would i date a girl with more than two. I think girls with more than two may know most or all blokes wont want to stick with them for too long. Why take on some body elses headache. The real father is living a free life the step father has all the hassle. Would most of the single mothers take on a bloke who had loads of kids living with him. I dont think they would. No one wants the shit that goes with it. I would no way ever date a woman with three or more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): It's not the children that are scary it's this kind of talk "Do men have a maximum number of step children they will take on board?"
There are very little guys who are attracted to the idea of a woman looking for a step dad for her kids. We want to date you, the number of children is irrelevant they're part of the package but they're not who we are dating.
Look every guy is different, I know a single mom who is on the dating scene that has been told by guys to "keep walking" (literally) when they found out she had a kid. Other guys then spend far too much time and effort trying to please the kid that they neglect her and it's a bit fecking creepy too.
Kids are not a major issue for most of us though, there are a hell of a lot of single moms out there and only an idiot would discount them as a potential partner because of that.
Look OP we want to date you, not be a parent. So as long as you don't expect us to start taking responsibility for raising your kids or start talking about step dad and all that crap then you'll be fine. The most any guy wants to be with your kids at the start is their moms "friend".
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): i met a girl from a known free dating site. she said she had two. the relationship cut short when revealed that she had FOUR and a GRANDSON. she became rather psychotic when i halted anything developing. now dating sites are like three or more children, meaning, aint going there. why should any man want a house full of kids who arent his ?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): The trouble is not always the kids but issues with the father. If the divorce or split was amicable, it can be fine. If not, the drama can be hideous and ridiculously draining and a lot of hassle - and sadly, not always worth it. And often the woman doesn't help the situation. Anger and resentment get in the way, the poor kids get caught in the middle and new partners get ostracised.This is why a lot of decent genuine guys don't date single parents. I know many who have tried it, got burned, and won't do it again. Personally, I have never wanted kids and I'm afraid it means I wouldn't date someone with kids. Means my options are limited, as most women in their 30s do either already have or want kids. But for many people, this is a dealbreaker.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): I know it may get some peoples backs up, but I think men who settle for a woman who has 3+ kids are usually those who lack confidence or looks and cannot(or think they carnt)get anyone else. Why would anyone want to live with and fend for so many kids who are someone elses? 1 or maybe even 2 is a big leap, nevermind 3 or more.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): Maybe two, but three I would not want to take on. Ideally none.
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reader, DeadEyeDick  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 It depends, is the father in the child's life? is the father not cool with his kid having a new father figure, is he supporting the kid or kids financially? then can you stand the kid? are they heathens? have they been properly rewarded and punished, do they run roughshod over mom? I for one would NEVER!! enter into a relationship or marriage where the mother was asking me to not act as a father, if they want you to or not, if they enter a relationship with you, and they have custody of their children, you are being asked to enter into some sort of fatherly duties, and if you are not able to reward and or punish the child, then you are being asked to relinquish a part of your values and moral's that were apparently good enough to attract the mother, but are not good enough to be asked to teach her children, the only way I could possibly take in, bond, and love and accept a child like they were my own, would be to raise them as if they were my own, and Ive seen far to many relationships fall to their doom, over raising of children that were not theirs, obviously when there's 5 kid's this becomes almost nonsense! you working, paying for a house, where 4+ kids are doing whatever they want, and you are not aloud to punish, or interact in anyway with the children, and if mom isn't on par, then you are essentially giving away a piece of your adult responsibility's, they are taking a part of what belongs to you the adult, and you can only stand by in your own house, while they can do whatever they feel like, know they can get away with it, and you cant do a damn thing about it! you have become a punk, and have zero control over anything in your life, and house, is mom really worth that? I personally prefer no kids, id like some myself, but 2 is the absolute max! no discussion or bargaining, 2 it is!2 PERIOD!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): If you have more than two and you get a guy, then hold on to him as he's a good one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): It is accepted that there is gonna be kids after a certain age. More than 2 i wouldnt go near. Thats just me.
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male
reader, eek +, writes (4 January 2012):
 personally for me. (i have tried dating a woman with a child) the deal breaker was she did not want any more children and i would love to have a family and a child of my own (not just raise someone elses)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): Speaking for myself no more than two. Some women I have known have not been up front about it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): Your question presupposes all men are the same.
NEWSFLASH - we're not. Some of us will happily take on 1, 2 or 3. It may depend if the guy already has kids himself from a previous relationship. Some of us don't want kids of our own and therefore don't want to be a step-parent either.
That's because we are all individuals and not a flock of sheep all programmed the same way.
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