A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee, has this fantasy. He had this kind of play with his "x" wife. (Hinze "X") she later had an affair which hurt him emotionally. My reaction to that was "Why, because she didn't involve you??" After 4 years and him knowing my thoughts about it, he still likes to fantasize about it and it becomes talk in the bedroom, which I'm ok with. We are planning a Vacation to Vegas and he REALLY wants to fulfill this fantasise with me. despite the fact I have said I'm worried how it will effect me emotionally. he will then say then we won't do it, put then pursues talking to another men on an ad we placed. Yes we placed it, thinking he'll be turned on by just the dirty talk and no follow thru. But I started becoming overwhelmed and he kept the conversations going and wanting me to pick one.Things came to a head when I found out he did this with an "X" girlfriend before me in Vegas. Not sure if they went thru with it, but they put up an ad and everything. He says they didn't follow thru , but I'm not sure I believe him.I know the "X" GF and wife are past relationships, but I can't help but feel he will never be truly happy and satisfied with me and our relationship if I don't comply.i have expressed my feelings and possible outcomes and he says I'm right we shouldn't chance it, but I still feel so uncomfortable now with our relationship.Why can't he JUST WANT ME. I have gone outside my comfort level on other things but draw the line here.I don't even want to go to Veags now, not even sure where we/I stand in our relationship.Hurting, how should I handle this??
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female
reader, 042710 +, writes (18 January 2011):
you half to remember the two that he did this with are ex. and this may be the reason. just from people that i have known that has lead to other things like cheating. it does not break up all relationships but in my opion its just not healthy. stand your ground if its freaking you out now i sure it would afterwards.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): Don’t go to Vegas tell him that he need some help he obviously has a sex addiction problem. And in a relationship a man should only be for you and only you if you go through this it will hurt you emotionally. And if he has this fantasy hi will probably have it with or with you knowing. If you love yourself you would do it and leave him.
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A
female
reader, Spades  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 If this was something you really wanted to do, you wouldn't hesitate upon doing it. With something like this, you shouldn't have to reason with yourself and/or him or provide any explanations. You don't feel comfortable doing this and he shouldn't be bringing this up after you have already stated your feelings about it.
Why do you have to be the one to jump way out of your comfort zone? Ask him if he would be willing to include another man.
Chances are, probably not. If he wouldn't be willing to do that, you shouldn't have to either.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (17 January 2011):
 First, good for you for standing your ground! You have good values and morals which are there to keep you from hurting yourself or others.
He has some very serious issues to push a threesome despite your reservations and concerns. He is selfish and disregards how you will feel after such an event.
You need to sit him down and tell him that you have no interest in such an activity (you feel comfortable sharing yourself only with your partner) and that you will not want to engage in something like this. Second, tell him hearing about these things from the past is inappropriate and putting up posts looking for a threesome is futile because you're not about to do it.
Then you have to really make it clear to him, you're not comfortable and he has to chose how important a threesome is to him. He'll have to move on if he just can't live without having them.
You are right to be concerned. This does not sound like a healthy and loving man - he has his selfish desire despite how you feel about it. Its time to clear things up and if need be, walk away hun.
Hugs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): This is not a good idea. You sound very unsure and uneasy so I would say that you do not want to go down that road. His other two relationships ended and there is a hint that something of this nature happened, so that is not a good sign. It seems you are only contemplating this to please him - that is not a good enough reason. Trust your instincts. Do not go to Vegas, as the whole thing may just happen. Say you only want him - he should be flattered.
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A
female
reader, wornoutmommy +, writes (17 January 2011):
 ok. You do not feel comfortable with this BEFORE it happens, you definitely will not be ok with it afterwards. Don't do it. My view is that if a man (or woman) is in a relationship that is not just sexual (emotional and mentally connected) then they each need to respect one another enough to not hurt their partner. There are open relationships that work (seldom), and I'm not condoning it, but it is all a matter of respect. I divorce my ex-husband for this reason. Not because he kept pushing a threesome, but because he kept pushing anal. I tried telling him to respect me and my wishes, that it wouldn't be ok with me. Feeling guilty about the pressure he put on me, I let in. Cried the whole time. Then after that he pushed the issue even more. I let him do it once so why not again? He sodomized me while drunk on my birthday, I left him three months later. He did not respect me or the way I felt. I don't know what you should tell your bf, but I would retract the ad and tell him to not bring up the issue anymore if he wants to stay with you. To this day my ex still doesn't understand why I left him-even though I've told him why. Some guys don't grasp the concept. Threesomes and anal are so hyped up by friends and pornography that all guys believe that women fully enjoy and are willing to engage at any time. The truth is, we have an emotional investment in sex while most guys don't. Don't go to vegas if you don't want to, by the way it sounds you won't have any fun even if a three way doesn't happen because you'll be too stressed out by the pressure your bf is putting on you. And you know the pressure will only become more-so when you're there, because "what happens in vegas stays in vegas". Does he want another man or another woman? If its another woman, then tell him only if there can be another man the next time. Or is if its another man, as him about his sexuality. Both instances he'll become offended. But don't let yourself be disrespected. Hope this helps! :)
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A
female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch +, writes (17 January 2011):
 Ouch! I know this hurts. It sounds as if he has some sort of sexual addiction that needs addressed. Don't do it you already know how badly it will hurt. Threesomes have wreaked plenty of relationships and emotions. For me it would feel like my man was cheating and i was forced to watch. Ugh dump him already
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