A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Not sure where else to post this but hoping for some advice.My boyfriend, who is 34, and I have been living together for 3 years and I have asked him to clean up after himself in the bathroom many times. Specifically, he sits on the toilet in such a way as to manage to get poop all over the seat. The past few days, I have woken up to this each and every morning, with the result that we had another blazing row about it.We have argued about it many times. He says that it is not a big deal for me to clean up the toilet after him, and that by confronting him I am ‘being nasty’ and ‘unreasonable’. He complains that I have now raised my voice when asking for it to stop, and tells me to ‘stop shouting’, but I find this behaviour disgusting, especially from a grown adult who apparently does not know how to use the toilet so this does not happen. I have said to him that if he does not stop, then we will have to find a house that has 2 bathrooms so he can have his own toilet. I know this seems a trivial thing to argue over, but I find it really disgusting and insulting because he sees me cleaning it up all the time, and particularly with female anatomy it is a health hazard. Also, it is pretty hard to fancy and be romantic with someone when you are constantly scrubbing their poop up - something I did expect to do for my two children when they were under 5 years old but hardly for my future spouse! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (21 January 2014):
 How does this even happen? How does one even get sh*t on the toilet seat like that? I can't even picture how that's possible, unless he plays with it or something. or unless he's standing to pee and he gets a surprise, and doesn't turn around in time? Is this even possible? I'm just really curious about the way this goes down. Or doesn't go down lol.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 January 2014):
 Bobbyjo?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 January 2014):
 I'm with CMMP
TOTAL deal breaker. This is poor hygiene and having the EXPECTATIONS that you somehow is his mom- and YOU have to clean up after him? Heck, no! What's next wipe is ass?
Sorry, that is disgusting. I have 3 kids and NONE of them left skidmarks on the toilet seats.
Have you tried setting a box of Clorox wipes on the back of the toilet telling him to CHECK the seat when he is done? If there is POOP he can WIFE it off and LEAVE it clean and sanitary for the next person. Other suggestion would be to get a porta-potty and have it in the back yard, HE can use that.
Gross.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2014): I think you have put up with this for too long. He obviously has issues way beyond what should be accepted within a relationship. It is not your role in life to wipe up after him. I can assure you most men will not do this so it should not be difficult to find a different boyfriend who does not give you this problem. I would not want to get near a guy who does that - the hygiene! Also.... if he does that at home what on earth happens in a public toilet...ewwwwwgghhhh :(
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 January 2014):
 How the hell is that even possible unless he's like morbidly uber-obese?? Unless he never wipes at all and the old smegma is crawling up the back of his....EWWWW. I couldn't have sex with a guy who does that! Not even installing automatic toilet seat covers would help me in that department!
His treatment of you about the issue should be the ultimate dealbreaker. Him expecting you to clean his crap up, and you're not even married? No way. His telling you that YOU'RE being unreasonable and nasty and not to shout? Is he for real?!
You said you have kids? Are you still with the guy because you can't financially be on your own? If that is the case, talk to your family! Your mom, dad, sisters, brothers, friends, even the government to see if you can get some assistance. This guy treats you this way because he thinks he can get away with it, and that he has you by the short hairs. Don't put up with his crap...or him either.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 January 2014):
 Use his toothbrush to clean it up and don't tell him.
Hire a plumber to remove the toilet (for a short time of course) and leave a box of adult diapers in its place.
He is the one being nasty and unreasonable, obviously.
Don't shout any more, you've made your position quite clear and he has decided to make it your problem.
Time to move to a new house, without him. Sorry.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (19 January 2014):
 He has no sense of shame or embarrassment. I would kick his shitty bottom out of your life. Buy another seat, and start afresh.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (19 January 2014):
Whoever the anonymous poster is - brilliant!
Do exactly that.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (19 January 2014):
'He says that it is not a big deal for me to clean up the toilet after him'This is the bit that would utterly hack me off. I mean his behaviour is disgusting and I don't think I could be with someone who thinks it's acceptable to sh*t all over the toilet seat in the first place, but the fact that he thinks it's YOUR job to clean it up?! Not a chance!!Even if it happens due to the way he sits (which how exactly?!), you should never know about it because it should have been thoroughly cleaned up before he ever left the bathroom. He should be embarrassed by this, not making out that you are unreasonable for being rightfully horrified. I really don't think you can change this guy, plus I'd also be worried about his other levels of hygiene if he's ok with this, so of I were you I'd leave. Either that or start using his best shirts to wipe it up and see if he gets the message :)
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 January 2014):
 so you get a house with two toilets, and he uses his until its so bad even he wont, so he will then use yours .... and then you get a house with three toilets ...
His attitude towards you on this issue says a lot about how he sees you in the relationship, and to be frank this shit would be a deal breaker for me!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 January 2014):
This, to me, is as big of a deal breaker as cheating.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (19 January 2014):
 Oh my goodness! I agree with you it is disgusting and I too wouldn't stand for it.
I've had boyfriends who left skid marks, and I would tell them that if they didn't clean it up then I wouldn't do certain things for them.
Pooping on the actual seat is just disgusting especially for a grown man, and if he insists on you yourself doing it then he is simply taking the piss.
If he is going to refuse cleaning up after himself, then you should play him at his own game and refuse to do certain things for him, such as making him dinner, or if there is something you do which annoys him such as leaving clothes on the floor or something or re-arranging his things, then do it at your own lesiure and tell him that until he learns to clean up after himself like a "big boy" then you aren't going to be his slave.
Not to mention, if you refuse to clean his poop off the seat, even if it means waiting until he has to use the toilet again, he might have no choice but to clean it himself, and he might know if he leaves it you will do it which might be another reason that he is so un-hygenic.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2014): ok, first, this is not a trivial question. hes is in his 30's..is not a toddler. you talked to him already about it. he seems to no pay attention..so..now it depends of you if can tolerate this childish behave or just move.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 January 2014):
 "future spouse"????? Are you crazy?????
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (19 January 2014):
Just be glad you aren't the poster from the other day whose boyfriend leaves poop on the bed. :-)
Kidding, he is clearly out of line here. This would be a dealbreaker for me since he isn't willing to address it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2014): Personally, I would leave. He's clearly never going to change.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2014): That is disgusting. You're not his mother and it's about time he realised that.
Refuse to clean it, point out the hazards there are for you and make it clear he needs to learn to use a toilet correctly.
Jesus I'd leave someone who sounds that pig headed he doesn't think I he needs to clean his own crap up. It's disgusting behaviour but his attitude to you over the situation is a whole lot worse.
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