A
female
age
36-40,
Pr3tty_in_pink86
writes:Hi I have noticed alot of insecurity going on, I have complied a list to help people;PornIf you don't want this in your relationship, discuss it a few weeks into dating. Do it in a light hearted manner. If they are a user try not to ask what they are into, PLEASE tell them if you do not want porn in the relationship before you do anything intimate. If they are mature they will understand. Do not attempt to snoop you will be upset. Remember porn use has nothing to do with a person's appearance, your boyfriend will look at porn whatever you look like if he has an interest already. LooksDo not ask looks based questions it will end in tears.Try not to guess a person's type, just assume they find you attractive and leave it at that. Don't be upset by their exs who you find better looking, they are with you now. Exs are irrelevant. SexDon't ask questions about performance. Don't make them compare you to an ex. If they compare you to exs in a bad way - leave.
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female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (30 January 2013):
Pr3tty_in_pink86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI need to add to my article,
When a boyfriend tells you he masturbates, assume he is looking at porn, I think alot of women think their boyfriend is thinking of them during.
Assume he has a digital collection automatically at the beginning of the relationship. All you can do is bring the subject up lightly, as I put someone mature will understand and respect your views on the matter.
A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (28 January 2013):
Pr3tty_in_pink86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo be honest I don't think I have encountered the exs problem but I have encountered the close friends annoyance. There was one guy who would not stop talking to this girl on the internet, the same guy also hung out with a girl he had previously slept with! He was alone in the house with her, she told me I could trust her when we went on the webcam to each other turned off the cam and tried to kiss him...
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A
female
reader, chinana  +, writes (28 January 2013):
 Well I suppose a hello here and there is harmless. But you have to be wary.
Assuming you are in a serious relationship now, how would you feel if your boyfriend stayed in touch with his exs, if they called and texted each other or he still kept pictures of them. Wouldnt that make you feel a tidbit suspicious and insecure. Even if I was the most confident and secure person in the world I know I would question the intentions of my boyfriend and his ex. I would wonder how committed and dedicated my boyfriend was to me. What do they talk about when they are in touch, am I not a part of their discussions, what secrets are they sharing etc. I wouldnt be able to pretend that I dont care about their communication and therefore I vowed not torment my current boyfriend.
In my humble opinion as an indication that I am loyal and committed to the person I am with now I cut all ties with my exes. I dont see what purpose they serve in my current situation. Whether I broke up with them or they hurt me by ending it , I let bygones be bygones and focus on what is in the present and what I want in the future. The past relationships have helped me figure out the type of person I am and what I look for in a relationship.
As far as I am concerned some of the reasons that people stay in touch with their exs are
1) They have children together (this is the most acceptable of all reasons to stay in touch with your ex, I believe the children must not suffer because of their parents unfortunate breakup they must enjoy the love and attention of both parents)
2) they are not over the relationship and cant let go of the past
3) if they got dumped then they want to wreck the ex's new relationship
4) they are lonely, bored and unhappy and are most likely looking for sex or someone to keep them company and entertained or boost their egos.
5) if they dumped their ex they feel guilty and probably want to make ammends or maybe they feel they made a mistake and could have let go of the best boy/girl in the world. These are my own conclusions about keeping contact with exs and insecurities.
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A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (27 January 2013):
Pr3tty_in_pink86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI still talk to some of my exs, I am fully over them. I would never see them in real life or have a phone conversation with them.
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A
female
reader, chinana +, writes (9 January 2013):
I just recently came across your post and I would have to say I agree with the last part of your article. I think having a boyfriend or girlfriend that overtly compares you to an ex whether in a good or bad light is a no-no and it brings about insecurities in a relationship. As a rule I will never disclose the number of guys I have slept with neither do I want my partner to disclose his own conquests for it happened in the past and has nothing to do with me. However, an STD history is more important than the how many girls have you been with discussion. Other annoying habits that I believe create insecurities in relationships are lengthy discussions about exes and current partners that stay in touch with their exes because they are friends now, in my opinion they are not over each other. I know that for a good healthy relationship transparency is quintessential but prior bedroom experiences just shouldnt be disclosed if you want your partner to hold you in high esteem.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (17 December 2012):
Hi there. This is some very good, useful information.
Pornography isn't always about there being anything wrong with you, it's very often an escape into another world to not have to think about something else in a person's life that worries them.
And it can be a type of addiction, and it might not always be about the sex either.
It could as I was saying earlier, simply be that they are bored with life - NOT sex particularly - just bored with their life, meaning there may not be enough fun stuff being done in their free time, on a regular basis.
And it can be like any other activity that people often do to escape feeling bored.
Things such as:-
(1) Drinking alcohol.
(2) Taking recreational drugs.
(3) Becoming a workaholic.
(4) Sleeping to pass the time.
(5) Surfing the internet.
And I'm sure, so many other activities besides, just to numb those feelings of restlessness that we all feel from time to time.
It's also an excellent point about asking what they like in looks in a woman, or how you stack up in the bedroom.
To even think about those things in the first place yourself - without saying anything to a man - automatically means, that you are comparing yourself to others.
And this is a definite recipe for disaster.
Now onto qualities about a woman, men all love:-
(1) A woman who knows herself and what she wants from life, and how to get it.
(2) A woman who is confident, independent, and accepts herself totally, for who she is.
(3) A woman who feels whole as a person - with or without a relationship.
(4) A woman who makes herself happy, and doesn't need a man to make her feel happiness.
(5) A woman who takes full responsibility for her own happiness and enjoyment in life.
(6) A woman, who will not be taken for granted or mistreated by ANYONE.
(7) A woman who will always follow her heart, and what she truly believes in.
(8) A woman who always expects the best for herself from life, and will accept nothing less.
(9) A woman who is secure in herself as a person, and at complete PEACE with the world.
And when a woman has all these qualities, a man knows he can simply enjoy being with her, and without any unneccessary pressure for him to always have to do things to make her feel happy to be in the relationship.
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