A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Threesome gone really bad. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now. She had a threesome with her boyfriend and her best friend that was a girl, about 5 years ago and they were dating for 2Years. She told me early on in our relationship about it and I asked her if she would do it again with me. She said yes to the idea but it had to be the right girl. So one night my gf and her friend are drinking at home and call me up to ask me I I'd like to do a threesome. I jumped at the idea and drove there right away. Everything is feeling very awkward when we were in the middle of it because she was terrible and overly drunk. Turns out my girlfriends friend drank way too much and ended up getting sick before we got started, and then obviously the night was over. I stayed around afterwards to make sure she was okay and when both girls were asleep I drove back home. For the last year my girlfriend has declined to ever try it again. We've talked about alot since then and she still refuses. I don't want to push her to do a threesome but her past 3some has made me jealous from day one of our relationship. Her main reason for not wanting to try it again is basically jealousy. What should I do? Is there a way I can convince her to try again without pushing?
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male
reader, The Realist +, writes (31 December 2010):
 The experience was quite planned in advance and the rules were very well laid out although it did happen spontaneously in a car. She wasn't jealous because it happened with a person who she knew that, although I do find her attractive I could never actually date her. That's the key to not being jealous about it. This person was also trusted to not try to break up the relationship for their own personal gain.
The experience did however have some flaws, one being that it wasn't really an equal focus on each person which is a very important thing to do. My gf said that the next girl would have to be more willing to spend time on her. Overall though it was a really amazing experience that brought my gf and I closer together.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): It's totally understandable for you to remain frustrated and jealous since she's done it before and then she even invited you halfway to it. It's not PC to side with you on this, but the truth isn't always PC. The truth is you are getting less from her than her past lover did becuase she loves you more.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 You're barking up the wrong tree. You keep pushing this and she's going to realize you don't value her or what you have. She'll also feel like you don't respect her, which you don't. If you did, you would let this drop.
You think that having a threesome will make you even with her ex. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. Retroactive jealousy isn't so easily cured.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx for the reply. Could you tell me a little bit about your threesome experience? What made it work out so well? Was your partner jealous?
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (30 December 2010):
First off I would like to say that I have had one threesome and it does take a very special third person so that there is no jealousy involved. The best thing you can do is leave it alone for a while then bring it back slowly. Your gf has to know there is no chance of you developing feelings for another girl so she won't be jealous. Also start talking about defining a good set of ground rules, for example, is sex allowed or what kind of relationship can you have with that person after the fact. This will show your gf that you are comitted to her and want her to be satisfied with the experience as well. Then you begin the search which could take a very long time, my gf and I have been looking for over six months now because it is a very touchy thing.
By showing your careful consideration to your gf's feelings it will make her more comfortable with the idea because deep down she does want to do it but right now the negatives she sees are too great.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): I don't think so. If she has refused that much, she really DOESN'T want to, and she means it. She has had a bad experience with it and does not want to do it again.
Sorry, but you should get over your own jealousy and leave it behind.
You could hope one day she decides to give it another chance, but until then, don't keep pushing.
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A
male
reader, Itsjustflirting +, writes (30 December 2010):
 Ask her if she enjoyed the threesome before. If she says yes, then you have some cards to play with. Explain to her, it's not that you want to be with someone else. It's a fantasy of yours, that you want to do before you die and you would very much like her to be the person you experience it with. You are young enough to say look, I'm gonna do this if you want to be there great, if not, I'll do it myself, but if you say it in a nice way, it SHOULD work.
Women want to feel loved and needed. If she feels you want someone else, it's a turn off. If she feels special because you want her to be a part of one of your fantasies, then it's not such a turn off. Make SURE she knows that. Use words like "something we do together", and "experience with you".
On the other hand, id you value your relationship and she has any hint of jealousy, you're best to stop while you're ahead. You can't change a jealous woman that much.
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