A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for three years we had a great relationship but the last four months hes been really withdrawn and not speaking to me .i have since found out he had debt of five grand that he's kept secret from me and his family .he's told me he's depressed and has finished with me but I'm really worried about him he don't sleep has panic attacks but he won't go the doctors what can I do everyone's saying leave him he's finished with you I feel he's just pushing me away cuz he's depressed should I leave him to contact me or try and help him its been two months since we split
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female
reader, AProblemShared +, writes (26 January 2013):
 Don't give up on him, he has a bloody good reason to be depressed and the fact that he hid it and had no-one to talk to would have made everything seem much worse. I can understand why he didn't tell anyone, maybe he didn't want to look a failure or worry anyone. Tough love and being constructive would be my advice. He's felt alone in the matter for so long it's only natural he's pushing you away. He needs someone to take control and do something to help ease his debt. Try getting in touch with wherever he owes money to and set up some kind of payment plan if possible. Hope this helps and I wish the both of you every luck.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (26 January 2013):
 Hi
If his folks don't know about his frame of mind or the debt, please tell at least one of them because he sounds like he needs help with depression and to sort his finances.
He can pay it off,even go for a Debt Relief Order or Bankruptcy,he needs proper advice.It may as well be 5billion debt if he can't see a way out, thats how it will seem to him .
You can't help him yourself,he has pushed you away,he has finished it.His life needs sorting out and he probably feels ashamed on top of being stressed out and depressed.
Leave it to his family and friends to support him.
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Pushing away the people that they care about is one of the first things that depressed people often do. In their own eyes they are simply not worthy of how the other person feels about them, the love and affection they have earned and therefore part of self-destructing is to destroy the very relationships that are a key part of their life. Ergo their depression can become something of a self-fulfilling prophecy in that their own actions cut them off from loving relationships which in turn makes them more depressed. Obviously your ex feels guilty about keeping the debt a secret and in some ways he should. He was misguided, he should have had the strength to ask for help when he clearly needed it BUT nonetheless in the great pantheon of sins he hasn't done something that deserves the punishment he is inflicting on himself. Look you know this guy and you said:I feel he's just pushing me away cuz he's depressed should I leave him to contact me or try and help him its been two months since we splitI think your right. I think your friends are being so negative because they are trying to protect you. If you leave contact to him then guess what, it wont happen, he isnt in the right place to be able to do that. You obviously care about this man very deeply. Good for you. Well now is the time you have to fight for how you feel and fight for him - the rub is that kind-of involves fighting against him, fighting against all that amassed negativity he has in him threatening to swallow him whole. It isnt going to be easy. The right outcome isn't guaranteed but I can tell from reading this if you walk away right now you will regret it for the rest of your life, you will always wonder what if, at least if you give it a go then you can say to yourself you did all you can. Contact him, dont put pressure on him, just be his friend right now, and I think if you are that, there is a good chance that the feelings you have for him will help him through and you may end up back together. Good luck!
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