A
female
age
41-50,
*oveonly71606
writes:HI. I am having a similar problem to one problem that I just read. My Fiance called me by his ex wives name. AGAIN!!! First time we were in bed in the A.M. and he said "H" go make my coffee. Now my name is "P". Those names are nothing alike. Second time he did it was when I was going to visit my grandmoter. He was all the phone and told is friend we are seeing "H's" grandmother. And now today. Two months later. He told another friend that he was helping "H's" Grandfather. What's the deal. He says that he has a lot on his mind. Child support, and he talked to the daughter that they have together today. Should I sweat it. Or shoul I just let it go?Then he told me that I was being retarded and acting like an a*hole all because I was trying to tell him how it hurt me.
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female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (15 January 2009):
I think he's being insensitive. How would he like it if you called him by one of your ex's names? He wouldn't like it one bit. Sometimes tit for tat works wonders, though I don't necessarily condone it. But, sometimes, it's just what the doctor ordered for the cure!
He's a selfish jerk for ordering you to make him coffee. Asking nicely is one thing, ordering you to do it is quite another, if that is what he did.
And, he's an insensitive jerk for calling you names such as retarded and a*hole. Don't put up with this disrespect! He's not even trying to be understanding of your feelings, and on top of that, he's insulting you by calling you names. Seems he does not want to take any responsibility for the things he's done, and seems he thinks it's perfectly okay to add insult to injury.
It would be one thing if he listened to you and acknowledged and tried to understand your hurt feelings and stated he would make an effort to try to stop calling you the ex's name. And apologized for heaven's sake, as he should! Even if he occasionally slipped up, it would be easier to forgive if his attitude were proper. But, it's not. His attitude is anything but!
To me, his attitude and insults are a red flag, and if he is allowed to get away with this now, there will be more that he will dish out to you in the future. Nip this in the bud if you can. Sit him down and have a nice long chat with him. You don't have to get angry with him - just try to remain calm and tell him how you feel, again. Tell him you need him to just listen to you, without interrupting and without reacting. You can let him know you understand that he has alot on his mind and that he is under pressure with the child support and whatever else. That doesn't excuse the attitude and the insults. You deserve better treatment than that, my dear!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): I agree with the person that said it only happened when the other girl is on my mind. I have been in long term relationships, married etc and never made this error, until recently (well nearly did it but caught myself).
I have a long term ex-girlfriend, mother of my child on my mind a lot and I have to catch myself from calling my present partner her name.
I never did it when with that ex, despite being married for a long time previously and having children with my ex wife too and having to see her alot. Know what I mean? It is a subconscious thing because your mind is still stuck in the past and attached.
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (15 January 2009):
 He is obviously still dealing with this woman daily because of there child together. Men also get used to a pattern and it's really hard to break, like a bad habit. BUT, he needs to atleast start trying to fix it by now and respect your feelings on the subject.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): Just to be honest w/you love, I have done the same things to many of my GF's!!! I'm a 26 y/o male, and to be honest, the only times I did this was when I had the other woman on my mind! I wasn't cheating, well, except maybe mentally! :-(
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A
female
reader, sheribaby38 +, writes (15 January 2009):
 well i dont know about other people but it would get on my nerves. i would make him pay me money everytime he slipped thatll teach him!! lol
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A
female
reader, TheRabbit +, writes (15 January 2009):
 I'd say his reaction was definitely uncalled for. You certainly should be able to talk to him about the issue without having to deal with verbal whiplash.
But, in his defense, it seems that he does still have his ex involved with in his life quite a bit, and I don't how long his first marriage lasted but obviously it was while.
I've known many people who consistently forget to mix up names, and it's usually the same name they confuse.
Maybe try talking to him again about, but point out how you might understand his side of the story. It seems that there's not a whole lot he can do about it, unless you'd rather he switch to pet names entirely.
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A
male
reader, notanonymousbutclose  +, writes (15 January 2009):
in my honest blunt opinion this guy sounds like a jerk, ordering you to make coffee for him, and calling you retarded, sounds very out of order to me.
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A
female
reader, Ask JenniHearts  +, writes (15 January 2009):
 don't sweat it too much but don't just let it go either. they most have been married for a while to still have her name sitting in the bback of his mind but really he must have a loton his mind because he knows that it must hurt you when he says that.
but second thing look out for signs ... he might be don't it on pursope subcontiously. he could want you but a you more like her(if that makes since) just look for signs like him being controling or more bosy then usual
hope this has helped
jenni hearst
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