A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am using my sisters account on here, she said its fine.I am a 34 year old man. I always go for older women and have been seeing older women for a few months and just having fun, but one got a bit serious and started being a bunny boiler. I have just started seeing a 24 year old girl, so i got rid of the older woman who was 42 quick!Anyway this 24 year old is fit and seems nice. I dont usually go for younger girls because i feel they aren't stimulating enough for me conversation way. But this girl is nice. She has a 8 year old daughter. But she works behind a bar she has loads of blokes texting her all the time and there were rumours that she is a player. We are only having fun and we haven't even talked about dating properly. But i dont know if i want that anyway. She doesn't seem to be bothered if she gets invited out about her kid. Her mum or brother look after her, and she has stopped at my house twice since Saturday night alone. Hardly seen her kid all weekend. That bothers me a bit. I have a daughter slightly older.Her ex drinks in the pub she works in, and he says to people they only split a few weeks ago and he is real upset. He is 40. He said he caught her at a blokes house and thats why he got rid. But she says they split in December.Another woman, i have known a while in the pub whose in her 40's and treats me like a son, said she's trouble and knew someone that dated her years ago, and she sleeps around and begged me not to date her.She seems a really nice girl though, so i dont know what to do. I split up from someone i loved a few months ago and it hit me hard.I dont want to get into something i will regret.
View related questions:
player, split up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 I think you're in control of who you date. So, if you want to date her, do, and if you don't, don't.
In making a judgment about people, I think first-hand information is essential. You don't get to know people's real motives or situations judging by hearsay.
To Annalisa's list, I would add a third reason why people get a bad reputation: because they are bad, indeed. But we don't know what her case is.
That said, there's something I don't like about your saying she has a bad reputation and she doesn't take good care of her child. Maybe that's true, but apparently you're sleeping with her. As we say here, you drink the milk, but curse the cow. You say you don't think she's good enough, yet you sleep wih her because "she's hot". Where does that leave you? You either take her, with her reputation, or not. The whole thing sounds like you find her hot, sleep with her, but then don't find her "dating material" and are now trying to find an excuse to dump her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHer ex is 40 and was with her 3 yrs but he said she played him like a fiddle and he said no to dating her for a long time before she got round him. Said he would never usually go for younger girls, my female mate in her 40's said she goes a bit crazy if she gets on the wine, the ex from years ago she knew she dated was an alcoholic and her boss the landlady at the pub she works at told her to watch her drinking not long ago. So i know she likes a drink.
She changed her number so her ex couldnt keep ringing her but someone gave him her new number she said. I dont know how true that is. Its just a bit weird how people have warned me to be careful. She seems to have answers for everything although i haven't asked her loads about the rumours because i dont want to sound like im quizzing her!
...............................
A
female
reader, superrrshawna  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 there comes a time when you just need to take the opinions and advice of other people into account but make your own decision based on gut instinct. i think this is one of those occasions. people change, that might have been who she was but she's evolved since then. are you willing to take a chance? good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (12 August 2008):
 I agree with Annalisa. Get to know her yourself, but keep in mind what other people have said, and be a little cautious. If she really likes you, she will possibly behave herself.
People usually DO date alot when they have just gotten out of a relationship, and there is no one who has really won their heart yet. She may possiby just need the RIGHT one to come along.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): Many women still think that the way to a man's heart is through sex, to their detriment, unfortunately. Why is this? Because women will only have sex with someone they could see themselves being with and fall in love or break up after the first time of having sex. So she is busy looking for love. Poor dear..
So, intellectually there could be a huge gap. It doesn't take a B.S. to bartend. Her not taking care of her daughter is a huge red flag in my opinion. It's an indication of irresponsibility and dis-association. Not good.
From your description of her, I would say she is a very good looking young lady with loose morals and a loose value system who doesn't take her responsibilities seriously. She could quite possibly also be an alcoholic.
All in all, she doesn't sound like much of a catch.....but she's hot....quite a delima. I would add, don't use her by having sex with her, it would only further damage her. You don't want that on your Karma.
...............................
A
female
reader, uraqt9697 +, writes (12 August 2008):
I agree with the answer below. I am around the same age, and I have done things in my past that people have blown out of proportion and refused to see for the truth, that Im still dealing with today.
It is your choice to get to know her for who she is. The worst that can happen is either that she isn't for you and hurts you, or she is a really great girl and you will regret not getting to know who she really is. Which would you be able to live with?
It doesnt hurt to be open with her either. I would be sure to choose your words carefully, and use "i" statements (ie, I am afraid youll hurt me,etc)....but I would go right to the source rather then listen to what others have to say. If we all did that, we would mis out on a heck of a lot
...............................
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (12 August 2008):
 Let me just say this.... I used to be a barmaid in a pub, but no way did I sleep around like this young lady. I preferred dating guys outside the pub, so that I was not the victim of gossip.
She doesn't sound like a very good role model for her daughter, if she palms her off to all and sundry just to be with the fellas. I think you are right to be cautious too, being a father yourself. The lady in her 40s is right, don't date her, because she sounds like bad news.
Are there any other women outside the pub you could date?
I think that would be a good idea, as people in the pub are a load of gossip mongers. Besides you don't want everyone knowing your business. Do you?
Good luck Hun.
...............................
|
