A
male
age
51-59,
*r.Worry
writes:I've recently become more friendly with a woman who works in a store I frequent. She's always been very nice and she's very likable and I enjoy talking to her. I'd love to ask her out for coffee sometime. I'm not sure if she's interested or just being nice. I don't know how old she is or if she's married. I saw a ring on a necklace she was wearing. It was a plain band like a wedding band only it was wider and not gold. Could this be a wedding ring? Do women ever wear them like that? I saw her today and she was bent over and her shirt was riding up which revealed a huge tatoo on her lower back. I like tatoos and I'm open minded, I just need to be enlightened. I try not to judge people, especially when I don't know anything about them. I am sure that many people get tats for many reasons, I'd just like a few opinions to give me a better perspective. Like if you have one, why did you get it there? Is it just simply a cool spot to get one? Thanks for reading....
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (9 March 2009):
 I am glad that you are in a better light than before. I know how you feel as I am disabled. I've had cancer and my immune system is kinda shot. I have many disabling conditions and have been in your shoes with relationships. I know how hard it can be to trust again. However by the Grace of God I manage to pick my selfup , dust myself off and try again. I will NEVER give up AND YOU DON'T EITHER! Things are going to work out someday, keep the Faith and Have hope.
GOD IN HIS INFINITE WISDOM SHALL SEE YOU THRU ALL OF YOUR TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS. BELIEVE IT!
Blessings,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
A
male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (7 March 2009):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey BlueAngel,I've been in therapy awhile now.I started because of my depression.When my grandmother(who raised me)got breast cancer,it sent me over the edge and I became suicidal.My therapist worked with me about trying to accept myself as I am and forgive myself.I haven't been able to do that but I'm no longer suicidal or as full of self-pity as I was.The biggest thing is,I used to be a bodybuilder.After my accident,I've felt like less than a man.I can walk but with a limp and my right arm is paralized.I know what's on the inside is most important but it's still very hard.I am going to have to trust or I'll never have anyone in my life.All I can do is keep trying.I pretty much gave up until I met this girl.Even if she's not the one,she made me realize that I don't want to be alone anymore......
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (7 March 2009):
You are most welcome! I will suggest that you get some conseling to help you deal with the pains of the past. You have to learn to let it go and focus on the future. Your fears are holding you in the past as far as relationship.
Remember that being with someone and loving them also means learning to trust and although it should really be earned by that person you must find enough FAITH to work thru the relationshp. Without Faith and trust a decent relationship rarely works. Keep in mind also that without good communication skills they don't tend to last long either.
When they say life is what you make it...in my mind it means that we do have a certain amount of power to make things different in outcome by the input we give to anything we do!
WHEN YOU SEEK REFUGE IN GOD AND SEEK HIS WILL TIHNGS CAN BECOME CLEARER. DO REMEMBER HE CLAIMS IN HIS TIME AND NOT IN YOURS. ONLY TIME CAN TRUELY HELP YOU TO KNOW IF THIS LADY IS INTERESTED. IF SHE ISN'T TRY NOT TO WORRY FOR THERE IS SURELY SOMEONE OUT THERE WAITING ~~~~JUST FOR YOU!~~~~
You may not realize it but you have already started a CHAIN OF LOVE by posting to this thread in hopes of ideas and the help you need to get your thinking straight. You are aware that it's how you feel about a relationship that is affecting your perception of the outcome should one evolve.
If you continue slowly approaching things you will eventually become more positive about yourself and any potentional connection with any woman. Trust in YOURSELF! Believe in YOURSELF! You ARE WORTHY! The problem you descrived in the last serious relationship was kinda doomed from the get go as she was already married. You were younger and HEY YOU MADE A MISTAKE.....Walk in another direction now and leave that past behind you. Seek the help you need to learn how to deal with your feelings and become more trusting. It isn't likely to happen overnight, then again MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!
You need to start out by FORGIVING YOURSELF for the mistake you made. Realize that you are human and as you have left that life behind, look ahead and learn to make the necessary changes in yourself in order to become the man you know you are inside. You will find it much easier to find someone else when you do. Your attitude about relationships will make you view things so differently.
My best wishes to you always,
God bless,
Blue_Angel
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A
male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (6 March 2009):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice Annalisa,Wonderingcat and BlueAngel.You really gave me some things to consider.As far as an affair Wonderingcat,I did that kind of thing back when I was much younger.I want more than that,I want a long term relationship.One time I fell really hard for a woman who was cheating on her husband with me.When she finally left her husband and got with me,I could never trust her.I always figured if she cheated on him with me,what's stopping her from cheating on me?So,no thanks to an affair.
I fall in love so quickly,then by the time it ends I realize I never loved her at all.I'm 41 and have never loved anyone outside my family.I also get all clingy,distrustful,obssesive and super jealous.That has ended every relationship I've ever been in.I know what I'm doing but can't stop.Every new relationship feels good at first then I destroy it with my low self-esteem crap.Hopefully one day I'll find a woman that can get me past this.Btw,I haven't dated in almost 17 years.....
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (6 March 2009):
If a man gives a woman his ring that is too big she will most likely use tape around it for her finger OR wear it a chain around her neck.
It's possible that it's just a keepsake of an old flame or it may be her Dad's or it perhaps belongs to a male best friend.
The possibilities are many. Perhaps you should engage in some idle conversation again one day soon. If you have children you can open a conversation by looking for something for a child and get her help. Or if she's in a women's dept. Perhaps you can look for something for your Mom or other female relative. Do keep in mind that when someone is out in the public working it's quite common to act nice and be polite. A good people personality helps to clinch a sale.
You can start the conversation and use phrases like Do you have any children, or say my Mom is about (age) and ask about hers. Simple conversation and gentle hints. Most of the time a clerk hopes for a Nice return of customers so showing up from time to time shouldn't cause any problems. Get her involved in your selections and as thing progress hopefully she will give you the information about her status.
If you are feeling brave and you ask around someone may have the information that you are seeking. Take your time and enjoy the shopping. Give her some gentle hints and most likely she will soon pick up on them. If she isn't married then you will have by now been casual enough to ask her out. *Just a note....that ring around your neck, are you married by chance? Yes sometimes you just have to CHANCE it!*LOL*
My best to you always,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (6 March 2009):
 How sweet.
I would say, just ask her if it would be okay to invite her for coffee down the road. That way she'd be safe knowing it is just around the corner from her place of work. If she politely declines your invitation, most likely it is (a) she is friendly to you as part of her job, or (b) she is not attracted to you, or (c) she is totally spoken for (married, engaged, serious b/f).
But even if she is already in a committed relationship, it does not mean that she would not reject your offer of coffee, if she saw you as a harmless and friendly person. If she is married/enganged/serious relationship and wants to have an affair with you, would you want that too?
Tatoos are personal tastes, arent' they? It has changed so much in status in the last 2-3 decades. I secretly have always wanted one, but (1) I am afraid of needles, and (2) not sure I want to have something permanent etched on my skin. What if I got bored? modified? that would mean more needles, don't it? LOL
When you have coffee with her, in addition to asking her relationship status, you can also ask her about tatoos. Since she has one (or more) I am sure it is something that she'd like to talk about. And to educate you on the joys of tatoos.
Good luck!
Cat
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