A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, I have a complicated situation. I consider myself to be clear of mind and a high thinker. But this problem I simply cannot solve.My former flame and I were together for a short time. A year and a half. He was my first and only everything from first kiss to the giving him my virginity.He joined the marines and so he broke up with me. Though we live in the same small town, I am in school and he is not. We do not see each other but quite recently we hooked up, where he proceeded to profess his undying love for me.We both decided that it would be best if things remained the same. We still say we love each other and share the fond memories of our relationship. We were engaged for the entierty of our relationship.Having talked for a little over two years. Neither of us can move on. It seems as though we are ment to be, but can't. I have made up my mind that i will wait for him to return from basic, as he leaves in February.I am not sure of his notions, he has never been an emotional person. Never been one to share anything. It took a year before he would freely tell me things. He had a rough child hood. Im not sure where to go from here. I have provided a little of his background information, if that will help the responses. The questions i want answered are these,What is going on with him right now?Is it really Love or.... something else?Why can i not stop thinking of him?What do i do and how should i proceed?losing him is not an option. This is the man i want to spend the rest of my life with. He is the first man i kissed, and he will be the last. Please, the harder this gets for me, the more difficult my life becomes. I need answers. I need guidance. i need your help.Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009): THis is my post and i thank you all for your kind words. I was upset in wanting answers so i posted an age that is not at all correct. I am 17 and he is 19. Yes, We talk often. I have told him i will do anything to keep him in my life, even if we have to force ourselves to be friends. And yes, knowing he loves me does make me feel so much better. But it is like placing an Alcoholic in a bar and telling him he cannot drink. That is how i feel when i am around him. and that is what makes it difficult. I dont know what to so with my time. All i do is consume myself in books and my studies trying to make the time pass. My friends offer little comfort, for all they speak of is their passionate love lives. But i honestly and truly appreciate the advice, it has lifted a small load off of my heavy heart. Thank you for all you do, i hope to have a few more respones to the post as well.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 October 2009):
 Dearest poster, I will try to do my best to answer your questions.
I have a bias: I love the way you love this man. I may not be able to detach myself from the situation as I should.
My dear, I can't tell you what is in his mind. He does not say much, from what you say. But my guess is that he loves you.
I don't know how true his love for you is, but I have no reason to suspect him. As to you, I do know that you love him for real, and you said it so beautifully. That is why you can't stop thinking of him.
What are you to do now? Well, February is a few months away, so some people would wait for him to return and talk things clearly. He is in a career that is dangerous and demanding. Maybe he will have to go away for long. But I think it is best if you talk to him. Can't you do that now?
I hope you never lose your ability to love this way. May I congratulate you for that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): I will advice you to be realistic. Love does not die or get dirty or mean less if a man is not the very first you do everything with. He's in the marines. What if he doesnt come back? What if he has a change of heart and leaves you? Will you then never kiss a man again because it can never be as good as the first?Our first loves always hold a special place in our hearts, but the heart is big and full of love to go around for many more. You dont want to realize that now, but that knowledge can come in handy.Also, you do know your own age. And when I was 15 I thought I knew it all as well. 10 years later and I am back at square one. I've also been engaged in the meantime, so I know about committing. And he was the one who ended it with me, had a change of hearts. I realized then that sometimes love does not last forever, no matter how much you want it to. Back to what you asked though. I can not tell you how to keep him in your life. If he does not want to stay, there is nothing to do about it. Is this love? Sounds very much like it (and love has not much to do with age, as long as you are realistic about love being a feeling and not something sent from God that is everlasting). Marriage is also about commitment and co-operation and so much more than "just" love (since you mentioned being engaged to him). You can not stop thinking about him because you're not willing to let him go.Where you go from now? Well right now he's with you and confessed his un-dying love right? Isnt that enough to make you happy? The long distance wont be forever, unlike what he believes of his love for you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 October 2009):
I think he likes you a lot, but I'm not sure that he loves you, and I also think that at the moment he's focused on his army career. If he really loved you, he wouldn't have broken up with you. You can't stop thinking about him because he's your first love and you don't want to let him go. Ultimately, you really have to talk to him to find out what your options are. If he says he loves you, then he will be with you and simply do his job. If he chooses to remain single, you will lose him whether you want to or not. You really need to sit down with him and find out what he wants.
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