A
female
age
36-40,
*opulace19
writes:I am having a complete dilema relationship wise. Roughly 2 years ago I met a guy and we had good chemistry. We spent time together, however it was when it suited him [around once a month or so]. In between meetings we would email each other, the contents always being flirtatious and suggestive.I stupidly allowed this 'relationship' to continue for almost 2 years and eventually I fell in love with him.At one point I gained the courage to suggest that we become an item... but he avoided the question and shrugged it off.He moved to London last year and now we occasionaly email each other, there was never any notification of a clean break between us, and I recently discovered he has a steady girlfriend.I am completely heartbroken and dissapointed with myself for being so weak, I've tried everything to get over him, but he is all I think about 24/7. I don't know what to do with myself anymore, I am just spiralling down into depression. Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): This all sounds very familiar, you wont be the first and certainly not the last. Just take each day as it comes and try to be as busy as possible. Get out there with your friends, the party season is upon us and we all need to PARTY!!! Forget about him as best you can and stop beating yourself up. I have been there in the past and it just has to be got through, bit like a grieving process.
take care
xx
A
female
reader, missmel34  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Ahhhh, I've been there. You have just discovered what sum commonly term that "casually commited relationship". They are prolific here on the internet.
Basically guys(although I have heard of the occasional woman, but its mainly a guy thing), they play this game of giving you enough attention and love to keep you hanging on and interested, but not enough to show you exclusivity. Its a game of chasey.
Unfortunately, for us girls we fall into this trap because we are so desperate to have them choose us, we do the chase. I chased this guy for a year, he made absolutely no commitment to me, but made me feel like we had such a special bond that we were made for each other. He'd give me attention, I'd respond, he'd back off....I'd back off...he'd give me more attention and I was sucked back in again......and on and on. Coupled with the "you're the only one that really understands me" line.
Fortunately, after realising he was dating other women, I told him no more. Which devastated him, and he wouldn't stop ringing me, because of course the whole motivation of this is to keep me chasing him......ego thing I'm sure.
You have to be strong, it does hurt, I cried alot over this guy, but I just forced myself to get back into the dating scene. I met the most wonderful guy, who is completely dedicated to me and we are getting married next year.
Be brave, try not to be to pathetic, but if your anything like me, you will have a few moments of that before you're over it all. This is like a virus, hes under your skin. Look at it that way, get the antidote...which is dating other guys.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Heartly  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 It will take time to get over someone you love BUT believe me you can and will !!! First thing , stop putting yourself through the misarry of talking to him anymore .. If he wanted a relationship with you he would be having one. ( not being mean to you ) Im just saying that you dont diserve to be treated that way ! if he didnt have the balls to to tell you good bye like a real man , and not leave you wondering, then He doesnt care about your feelings . You dont want a man like that ! And you shouldnt waste your time being depressed over him ! He doesnt deserve you! pick yourself up dust yourself off and move on! your "Mister Right"! is out there ! Hang in there ! Ive been where you are and you will get over him!!!!!
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