A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:So I've been dating this guy for about 3 weeks. He's 55, I'm 42. I got divorced a year ago after 15 years of marriage and haven't dated or had sex with anyone at all during this mourning period. The guy I'm dating at first claimed he had just broken off a 4 year live-in relationship "a few months months ago." I soon found out that was NOT the case.On our second date, his phone kept blowing up the whole time at dinner and I noticed he seemed distracted. He said his place was just a few blocks away -- would I like to come visit? I said yes because I was very attracted to him and not at all opposed to a makeout session! (I know I allowed this to go too fast, but please bear in mind I haven't had sex in a lonnng time and I've got needs, too. Besides, I THOUGHT the guy was single!)We hadn't even been there 5 minutes when here comes a knock at the front door. A look of panic crosses my date's face. He opens the door and there stands his 25 year-old girlfriend, drunk at 2 a.m., staring right at me and then at him, like, "so who's the blonde?" Oh dear God, I just wanted to crawl into the sofa cushions. She storms off in a huff, and he chases out the door after her. They stand out in the yard for 10 minutes while I wait nervously in the living room wondering how drunk and/or crazy this ex might be and if she was going to lunge at me with a butcher knife any minute. Since he was also my ride home, I was stuck there and couldn't leave! Humiliating beyond belief. Finally I'm about ready to just have him call me a cab home. I open the front door and find them wrapped in each other's arms out in the yard. Nice, eh? Just the way you want a dream date to end!!When it's time to go take me home, she insists on RIDING WITH US IN THE CAR and he LETS HER!?!?!?! So I'm sitting here with this drunken stranger who is very clearly hurt. I couldn't help but feel sorry for her, especially once I found out just what a lying, cheating philanderer she got herself mixed up with. If I were her, I'd be getting drunk, too. A lot.Oh, but it gets better. The next day, he calls offering apologies for what happened last night. He explained that his ex had just moved out a few weeks ago (Hm. Really? Yesterday he'd told me it had been "a few months" since they split.) He implored me to believe that "really, she NEVER just drops by like this at 2 in the morning. It was a fluke! After weeks of her not wanting to talk to me, she suddenly out of the blue picked last night to come tell me loved me and missed me." He wanted a chance to "make it up to me" if I would see him again the next night. Lonely idiot that I am, I actually decided to give him another chance. Maybe it was, after all, just a fluke like he'd said. We've all had awkward moments with exes, right? So we make plans to meet up at a local eatery where several of our mutual friends were gathered. I walk in and find him seated at a table with not one, but TWO girls young enough to be my daughters!! Neither of these ladies was his "ex"(?) girlfriend, by the way. The blonde sitting next to him had her hands all over him, and his were all over her. He invited me to sit down and join them (WTH?). I declined and sat at another table with some friends, all of whom could see how humiliating this was for me. One of the guys at my table offered to go punch his lights out, which I appreciated, but asked him not to do anything violent. One of my girlfriends took him aside and told him he was acting like a d**khead, but he didn't seem to see anything wrong with what he was doing, like this was normal for him and his women. Wow. Needless to say, I left as soon as possible. Couldn't eat that meal fast enough and got the hell out of there! But before I did, I had a little fun with them both. I walked up to their table and said I needed to get my earring back from him..."the one that fell out in your car." His blonde date's head snapped, her ears perked up, and I could just read her thoughts. "how did her earring get in his car?" He turned about 7 shades of purple. Now that was fun.:)Next day, I get the obligatory apologetic phone call and more wacky explanations about how one girl was "just a good friend" and the other was yet another ex-girlfriend from 2.5 years ago. (Wait. Huh? He told me before he'd been with his current ex-girlfriend for FOUR years?) And gee whiz, wouldn't you know this ex from years ago just suddenly out of the blue decided she just HAD to see him right then and there...at the exact place where he was to meet his date....uh, ME??? After that, I did not see him again. All the while, I kept getting reports through mutual friends that he was still spending nights in the company of his most recent ex at his house. And that she has a 2 year old infant. When I asked him if he had any children, he claimed the baby was not his but that he'd "been like a father' to the child. (I'm still trying to figure out how she managed to have a baby with another man 2 years ago while she was still his girlfriend?) The mind just boggles.Think this story can't get any sleazier? Think again.A few nights ago I went out with a gal pal for a "girls night out." We were at an outdoor event and the weather was chilly, so I went back to the car alone to fetch my jacket real quick. As I was leaning into the car, an unknown man came up behind me and forced me into the back seat of the vehicle. I was afraid he was going to abduct or kill me. He was obviously going to rape me because he was trying to pull my pants off. I started yelling but no one heard me; the car was in an area that isn't well-trafficked at night. I scrambled across the back seat and unlocked the door on the other side of the car, kicking my attacker to keep him away from me. Landed one kick right in his face!That seemed to stun him for a moment, long enough for me to get out the other door. He had grabbed my shoe in the scuffle but my foot slipped free. So I started running like hell, one shoe on and one shoe off, to the nearest place of safety. I then called my girlfriend, told her to come meet me there and NOT TO GO ANYWHERE NEAR THE CAR!!I did not report this attempted sexual assault to police. Mainly because I never got a good look at the man. It was cold, he was wearing several layers of clothing that obscured his build and had a hoodie covering his hair, mouth and nose. Only his eyes were visible. I never got an accurate idea of his height, weight, hair color or features. He did not penetrate me or even get my clothes completely off, so no sex act was performed. I was not physically harmed, thank God, but I fear he would have raped and/or killed me had I not been lucky and got away. So I feel very blessed just to be alive today, believe me!I told what happened the next day in a blanket text sent to all my close contacts. I was overwhelmed with phone calls and texts of support from friends offering help, hugs, whatever I needed. But one person who had been very close, even intimate, with me...remained strangely silent. No text, no call. And when I tried to call him, his phone went off to voicemail. Our mutual friends were asking me where he was and why no one could seem to get ahold of him that day. I figured he was just busy juggling girlfriends as usual and tried not to let it bother me, but it did. It hurt. More than I expected it to.Not because I was in love with the guy, but because he was the first man I'd been intimate with at all in a year. We never went all the way (thank the heavens!), but still that was a big step for me and it involved a lot of trust. He betrayed that trust time and again by treating me so cavalierly. But to act like I wasn't even alive after having been terrorized and sexually abused by a stranger was just so cruel and unfeeling I could not wrap my mind around it. Now I feel even worse for wondering WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME for ever feeling attracted to a guy like that in the first place? Makes me want to go wash my mouth out with soap because I kissed him!!My self-esteem took quite a hit this time. So did my ability to trust my own instincts about men, and my ability to trust what a man tells me about himself. I didn't date him long enough to develop deep feelings, but now I really do feel terrible for his poor exes who probably still believe his crazy-a** stories. Those girls are headed for a major heartbreak. They've got a lot more invested in this sociopath than I do.
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divorce, drunk, ex girlfriend, his ex, moved out, period, text, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (27 November 2011):
 Hi,
First of all, thank God you are safe, and well. Lesson learned, never walk in isolated areas alone at night. God was watching over you...
Crazy story, it's almost hard to believe that there are people like him in the world. Young teenagers, or even early 20's men's I can understand the mind games, but at that age? I am shocked!!!
Only thing I can say is, be thankful to his ex-girlfriend for showing up at his place when she did. Thanks to her, you didn't do anything you'd regret... Who knows what could've happened if she didn't come by that night? She actually save you for making a mistake! :)
You had the unpleasant experience meeting this man, but know that men like him are rare cases. I understand how this have affected you mentally, and now you have issues with trust. But, please don't let this experience change you as a person. You sound like a nice, mature, classy lady. You have a good heart, don't let a looser like him change you. I know you feel a little hurt now, but what if you meet a great guy??? He doesn't deserve to be punish...
Reading your story, I just feel like God is watching over you. You made some wrong choices, and God is just protecting you.... Don't give up on love, and enjoy life.
Best wishes / good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): HI It sad to read ur story..i only hope u get agood guy soon and i think about ur rapeattempt u should report it to the police as they might have the clue for the guy.
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A
female
reader, cinc71  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 First i have to say you're funny! The way you told your story made me smile, not the end of it of course. Time heals all wounds. You'll get better and learn from your experiences. Don't give up stay positive good things will happen. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 November 2011):
 What a scuzz! Well, now that you are newly back on the dating market, consider taking a LOT more time getting to know a guy. Heck, maybe even do a background check first.
I'm sorry you were attacked and WTG on keeping yourself and your friends safe.
The nasty skanky dude, pretend he fell of the planet. Delete his number, forget him. And I DO think you have instics you are jsut a little rusty in using them. So when in doubt, ask someone you trut (a good friend for instance).
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (6 November 2011):
 I am sorry about your attack. that guy didn't care about you from the beginning, so I'm not too surprised he hasn't contacted you. I am not trying to minimize your hurt feelings, but from your story, you two went on one official date which ended atrociously....you were in a vulnerable state but he was probably not the kind of person you should have sought comfort from given his self-absorption, and his propensity for looking out only for himself. Although you hadn't had intimate relations with anyone in a long time and it meant smething to you, it did not mean the same to him. consider it a blessing he DIDN'T call you back, string you along, and then shove twenty year olds in your face again. you need people around you right now that care about you and he has never shown that and will never have the empathy necessary to be a supportive person in your life.
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