A
female
age
36-40,
*razinbeauty22
writes:I have been in a relationship with a great man for 3 years. We love eachother and everything, but sex is out of the question. He is always working and I am always working so we barely have time for eachother. When we do have time I always try to get some, but he is always saying that he is tired. He has never cheated on me and he never will so I know he is not lying.....I know him just that well. He was my first and I have been curious lately so I cheated on him with one of my best friends. Sadly it was disappointing torwards the end. Oral sex was great, but the intercourse lasted for 7 minutes. He just stopped.....The condom slipped off and me being so unexperienced I didn't know what happened.He says that he couldn't do it because he admires me and respects me too much. But I think he nutted to be completely honest, he was just embarrassed. It has been two days and he hasn't called me. Should I wait or what? I want to know if he wants to continue doing the arrangement we have or does he feel to uncomfortable, what should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): my dear you are not as inexperience as you say. you know how to play the game, this is quite evident. you want to continue cheating on your faithful man. well plse go ahead, nobody on this site can change this. you will do what you like and will definately get burned. just release your current man so that he can go find a faithful partner, since you evidently are not. your f*ck buddy has not contacted you, does this not speak volumes about what he feels for you. you mean nothing to him. and now you want to chase him down and get more action from him. plse have more respect for yourself. if you are so desperate for it, end things with your hard willing and stable man, then start running around for it. what should you do? you know what the right thing is, whether you do it is up to you.
A
female
reader, MonicaC +, writes (29 June 2009):
 If you play with fire, you will get burned. That means that if you want to keep your man and avoid the burning pain of the break-up because you cheated, you need to drop this other guy.
My advice would be to talk with your partner about your needs and ask him to try to help you meet them. Sex is a major factor in the survival of any relationship, so you need to make sure he understands you feel deprived.
Leave that other guy alone, honey, unless you really want it to evolve into something more. It sounds like the sex wasn't that great and if he sketched out on you afterward, then I'd drop that and walk away.
Good luck. xoxo
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A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 In a relationship there will be lots of things happening over time, work stress, the kids will keep you so both so busy you barely see each other, exhaustion that lasts for months even more etc etc. If you can't work out how to be together now how will you work it out when life really gets interesting ...after marriage and kids.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): If he hasn't contacted you, then it could be that he is embarrassed over what happened. He might also be having second thoughts about sleeping with you, seeing as you are in a relationship.
What do you want to do? Do you really want to sleep with this guy? If so, then you could contact him and ask him what is going on.
But is there no way for you to try and resolve things with your boyfriend? You say you love him, so I take it you don't want him to get hurt. But if you cheat on him, someone will get hurt, and he will most definitlely be the person.
I do understand your feelings of frustration though. So could you try and explain to him that you really want more intimacy, and explain how much it is affecting you? Perhaps he isn't aware of how much of an issue it is for you. It is a bit unfair if he isn't willing to make any effort. But I would try and talk to him first.
At the end of the day though, it is up to you what you decide to do. Whatever your decision, good luck, I hope things work out okay. x
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Wait a minute. You actually want advice on whether you should continue to cheat on your boyfriend (who you say you love) or not? What would you like us to say? If your boyfriend were cheating on you, would you like people here to tell him to continue, or stop?
If the sex with this guy was so disappointing, why are you even considering round two? And you are wondering why he hasn't called you?
Maybe you need to go to the bathroom, stand in front of the mirror, and take a long hard look at yourself. What do you want? Your cake and to eat it too? Do you even really want a boyfriend? Maybe you should try to work on your relationship a little more, instead of hiding behind the 'I was curious' line. You know what curiosity did, don't you?
I don't think you are bad or wrong, you're just not ready for a serious relationship yet. Having a partner is great, but be together for the right reasons. You should be with someone because you love them, not because you are anxious of what people will think of you if you are single. You don't love your boyfrend, you cant do. Or you wouldnt be thinking about having sex with another guy in the first place, let alone wondering about doing it again.
Tell him the truth, and you will feel a whole lot better about yourself. Then decide who you want to be with. Your boyfriend, or your disappointing lover.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (29 June 2009):
You have a boyfriend, yet you're wondering why the guy you had an affair with is not calling you? Hmmm...well let me just start off by saying that instead of wondering when this guy will call you, maybe you should be wondering what you want in your relationship? Have you talked to your boyfriend? Do you even want to be with your boyfriend anymore? Obviously you're not getting love, affection, attention, or sex from your boyfriend--so you're seeking it elsewhere, yet you are obviously being brushed off by this other guy. I think you should figure out your relationship with your boyfriend first and then worry about the other guy. In fact, don't worry about the other guy. It was obviously nothing (he was disappointing anyway) and that is probably all it was. It is what it is.
Figure out what you want first. Beging to love yourself and resepect yourself, then find someone who fulfills your needs. Because this guy you cheated on your boyfriend with isn't going to. So to answer your question, don't wait for him and don't seek further arrangements. Try to work things out with your boyfriend first, be completely honest (because relationships are primarily based on trust), and try to salvage what you can. Your boyfriend can't read your mind, he doesn't know what effect his behavior is having on you. If he doesn't care or doesn't want to be with you anymore (which you should prepare yourself for because cheating is a no no in most peoples' books), then you have to accept that and realize that the relationship wasn't meant to be. But cheating on him solves abosolutely nothing. It's selfish and disrespectful.
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