A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been the victim of bullying so often in my life, especially in my working life, that I've lost count. There's something about me that attracts bullies like flies to shit! I am an extremely honest and hard working person. I'm not a religious person, but I live my life with a strict set of morals, which I don't compromise for anyone. I am loyal to a fault and would never hurt anybody that has been good to me. If someone tells me something in confidence, I'll take it to the grave! I am happy and content with the person I am, as I have a clean conscience, which is why I am at a loss to understand how people can get through a typical day, backstabbing and destroying the lives of innocent people! I could never hurt anybody that hasn't hurt me and live with myself!The bullying I've encountered in my working life typically occus in small, MISMANAGED companies. In every company I've worked that fits this description, there is ALWAYS that ONE woman that is somehow unconditionally on side with all the bosses - so much so that (despite the majority being grossly unattractive) you wonder what sexual favours they're offering! These women that have bullied me have each been in a role which involves minimal work. They seem to be able to get away with spending 90% of the day doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, dividing their time between micro-managing ME and making personal calls. Believe me, when you share a small office with another person, you get an accurate idea of what's done in a day - if anything at all.The current bully I'm dealing with fits the the same description as the previous ones. She looks like a retarded old women 30 years older than she actually is with the emotional age of a three year old - and she puts on the childlike voice to boot! Despite the fact I have gone out of my way for this woman in lots of little ways (as I always have for everyone, to prove myself a valuable team player); she has been out to get me from the start. I have asked her for help ONCE in the past year - how to print a marketing booklet. She wrote a report to the boss about how she's losing sleep, as I'm expecting her to do my job!! Then I had to try and justify to my boss that I had NOT relied on her and had only asked one question!!I have been unable to take leave this past year - even as much as a day off! The only person that can cover the phones is this woman.. and the one time I took two hours off work, she complained to the boss that I take her for granted and rely on her to cover the phones all the time - that was two hours in ONE YEAR - despite working 20 hours extra since I've been there. I tried to take a longer lunchbreak a few times (and cleared it with the boss) to make up for the extra hours I've worked, but she complained about that and I was told I couldn't use the time I'd worked.Feeling as if this woman has been out to get me ever since I started, curiousity got the best of me and I checked the little notebook in her office. I found two pages of notes i.e. "Did not wait for me to finish my apple before she went for her break".. "Afternoon tea break extended".. "never thanked me for answering the phone for her".. "bad vibes"... it was just insane.She'd even noted the fact I didn't do the dishes one morning and claimed I "didn't care about the office". Finally, after seeing the notebook, I handed in my notice.For ONCE in my life, I took a stand. My direct boss knew I was being bullied, as I'd kept him in the loop about it, but he has an aversion to conflict and did nothing. I went to the bosses above him. They met with the bully. She resigned. I started worrying she was going to plot some personal vendetta against me. Now, today, I realise I have been blacklisted with the company. Instead of trying to talk me into staying, today they made a BETTER OFFER to the bully so she would be "happier" in her role (which involves nothing but personal phonecalls and secret meetings where she bitches to other staff about me!) This woman does nothing! She takes three lunchbreaks a day.. disappears in the afternoons, makes NO phonecalls that are work-related.. has no deadlines or work expected of her - yet they are prepared to let me walk out the door! Despite having done nothing short but work my ASS off for this company, my boss refuses to speak to me now, maybe because I exposed his mismanagement to the other bosses by telling them what had been going on and that he was aware of it? But I overheard my direct boss today, talking about me to other staff, dragging my name through the mud - to cover his OWN incompetence.I don't feel I did anything wrong! I was just honest about what was happening and decided I wasn't going to walk away without letting people know what had gone on! Why should I keep quiet and protect those who don't do their jobs? Now I'm blacklisted and a social outcast. I'm leaving the job to go to nothing and despite my hard work, none of them seem to care! They would rather keep the bully who makes personal calls and sends out postcards for a living. What did I do wrong? What is wrong with these people? I do SO MUCH in this company, but they are willing just to wave me off. I'm forced to have to keep my mouth shut now while my boss slags me off in front of other staff because I NEED a good reference, otherwise I won't be able to get work again! Now I feel like I'm walking away with a potentially bad reputation I don't deserve. It's like trying to hide a criminal history without actually having ever been a criminal.Please help. I'm at my wit's end. Why is this happening to me?
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bullied, confidence, my boss, player Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): I have had similar experiences - I have been fortunate that this has not happened (often) to me in a work environment, but I was bullied extensively when I was in school. As an adult, it has often seemed to me that I had a bullseye tattooed on my forehead or something, as I seem to attract really dysfunctional men. I have not been directly physically abused, but I have come to realize that I have experienced a lot of psychological trauma from these relationships. I truly believe it is the same traits in me that attracted the bullies and later, the psychopaths.
Get the book "Women Who Love Psychopaths" by Sandra L. Brown. While geared towards the subject of intimate relationships, the relationship dynamics it describes can totally apply to friendships, working relationships, and family dynamics. The book is written based not on research about the perpetrators themselves, but about research from the victims' point of view.
A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (16 October 2010):
 Can you link with me privately as I would like to share some similiar experiences with you with some suggestions.
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A
female
reader, Nime  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 Is this woman a minority race? The only reason I can figure they'd want her so badly is because they must have an affirmative action agenda. Otherwise, it's got to be nepotism; she's got a family member somewhere in the company.
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