A
female
age
36-40,
*ikay11
writes:My boyfriend lives with his friends. In their house the is a wall that has all their pictures and stuff. One of the pictures has my boyfriend and his ex girlfriend in it, hugging each other. It is a group picture, my boyfriend didnt put that on there but it bugs me, coz i see it everytime i walk in their house, and the only reason why they broke up was that the girl doesnt leave here and needs to go back home. I just kind of think it is disrespectul. How am I gonna bring it up?
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (1 November 2008):
 With apologies, the picture is in your friends house and NOT your parents... History is always tough and it's a hard thing to handle graciously. I think I would FIRST make sure that I was a STELLAR influence and then, I would divide and conquer. Tell one person, at a time, that you adore him and that you have his best interests at heart. You know, you have to realize that although that photo represents his Past. YOU, on the other hand, are NOT one-dimensional, you are not a photo and you truly Love him. All you need to do is show his friends that. Give it time and don't press the issue. If you do, you will look like a control freak. Hope this wasn't too harsh because it sounds like you really love each other!
A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (1 November 2008):
I'm at the age where my kids are having ex's. Here's what I think you should do. Put up with the photo's. BUT, only until you are engaged, living together or married. Cut the Parents a bit of slack. They are guilty, of taking someone into the family and loving them, but they need time in order to shift emotional gears. Give them a break. The fact that they loved someone else and accepted them as family doesn't mean that they won't love you. Accept it as a window of opportunity that they WILL, in fact and in time, love you in the same way. If you show your displeasure, they might think that it is bitchy and judge you accordingly. Choose the high road and show them just how gracious and loving you can be, BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEIR SON. The fact is, most parents have a hard time only because they DO love ALL of the people that there children bring home, so, they have a misguided sense of loyalty once they have split. That has to count for something, and that photo that you don't exactly care for DOES in fact prove that they love the people that their Son LOVES. I would bide my time and graciously wait until you both have some kind of commitment, and I will bet you, that photo is going to be gone. If you DO make a fuss over it NOW, you will be stirring up a whole bunch of trouble for nothing.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): You could try the jokey approach. Point at the group photography with the ex in it and ask, "Hey babes, don't you think it's about time we sent this girl home, she's taking up space." Then replace it with a hot sexy picture of you together...
However it may not work if his friends are in the group picture. They may want it to remain, because they are in the picture too.. Then you can just gracefully cover it up with something useful like a Pizza leaflet, hopefully they shouldn't mind and may think you are just trying to help out...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): maybe you could take some pics of you and him and then ask one of his frends if you can put it up on the board and then jokingly ask if you can remove that one? oh and it's halloween so find something funny to take the pic that way it wont look like you're trying to repace her but rather that it is a really funny pic worth posting!
...............................
A
male
reader, Replacement +, writes (31 October 2008):
 His willingness to take it down depends how new/serious his relationship with you is. The more serious he is about you the more willing he would be to take it down. Gauge for yourself where you stand.
As for how to bring it up... just say exactly what you said here. It bothers you that you have to see it every time you enter the house. You'd like him to take it down so you don't have to be reminded of her whenever you visit.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): and I've just googled 'Gronk Board' - lo and behold there's a reference to it. Freaky trigger or something. Try it - you'll like it!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): Don't bother. We used to have what we called a 'Gronk Board' where photo's of ex girlfriends and past conquests were posted for all to see. 'Gronk' is not a very flattering term.
...............................
A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (31 October 2008):
 I fully understand that it bothers you and yes it is not tactful of them to have that picture on the wall however unfortunitly they do not have to take it down if they don't want to and you need to respect that. You can bring it up by having the confedence to say to them nicely, with you due respect I don't like that pictue because it bothers me then give your reasons.
...............................
|
