A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I just need some advice from Women and MenI have been with partner for 10 years we have four children he is 27 and I'm 32!! We have sex every day almost!! We recently got wireless devices which he watches Porn on ok so here goes the question I'm fine with Porn I just need help understanding a few thingsI'm pretty sure he watches porn daily I watch it also so thats not the big issue here, what I'm wondering if and this question is for the guys, is when he watches it, he jerks off so why if I'm in the room and willing to go, why doesn't he come see me instead of pleasuring himself? Is it because its easier and faster?? and when you guys watch porn do you remember what the chick looks like and is that what gets you off?? He like watching girls masturbate so I do this more now and he likes to perve at other woman when we are out I understand this is normal behaviour but I think its kind of disrestpectful to me and makes me feel quite ugly I ask him about this he just says it means nothing so why does he look then? He also likes watching Anal does that me he is gay?? Woman anal I mean!! I mean most of the time he does this first thing in the morning like 5.30am because this is the time he gets up for work and then late at night if i'm asleep!!For the ladies I just want to know am I the only woman who has days when she feels emotionally drained by it and on some days just feels quite ugly and unattractive for him I don't get any gut feeling that he is cheating or anything like that but my mind goes crazy he is a truly great man to me and my children. Am I to controlling we have talked about it before he tells me I'm crazy and its normal behaviour I have excepted the Porn in my life but some days I get more upset about it than others I have no idea why so any feedback would be greatly appreciated thanks for your time!!
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 Porn.. Sounds ok to me... bit disrespectful not to include you if you are in the room. He's not really thinking of the women he sees because he's too busy masturbating. You watch porn too, how much do you remember, how important are the actors to you. It's usually the sex movements that grab the attention. Looking at women in public, normal. Staring at women with his tongue on the floor. Downright rude and disrespectful. He wouldn't do this if he was with his mother or the priest. You show attention to the person in front of you, not bloody strangers in the street. Call him out every time you see him doing it. He's probably making the women he looks at feel uncomfortable.
Anal, nope, not gay, gay men don't watch porn with women in it and they don't have sex with women. Straight men like anal too. They say it feels tighter. Also straight men sometimes like something in their ass, a finger or a dildo. That doesn't make them gay, it stimulates some gland. You know your guy is gay when he won't have sex with you and you find him having sex with a man.
Although you watch porn, your guy is making you lack self-confidence, become needy and lack self-esteem because he's disrespectful. Some of the women here on dear cupid worked it out. When the man rejected them, ignored them, stared at other girls, they began to hate porn. When in a relationship where the man made them feel beautiful, loved, respected and important, they worried less about pornography and felt better about themselves.
Your man shows many instances of disrespect. He doesn't make you feel important and beautiful, so you start to worry about porn and other women. The truth is, he needs to change his behaviour and make you feel good, or you need to get rid of him.
If my guy is watching porn, I'd think it bloody rude if he didn't at least ask if I wanted to join. The same thing as I would do to him. If you want to solo masturbate, that should be done in private in the bathroom.
Think about what this guy makes you feel, how important is he in your life, and are you achieving all that you can be with him around, or could a better man (or single life) offer you more.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your feedback it makes a lot of sense
...............................
A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (9 February 2011):
 You are not the only woman to feel this way. As Dirtball said, go to the porn tab. You will see so many discussion about it and most of the same answers from guys: it has nothing to do with you, it's the act they focus on, it's a selfish thing they need to do so they can just get off without worrying about their women. And, they are all right.
I can understand your frustration though. I moved in with my fiance about 10 months ago and found out he looks at porn on a regular basis 9 months ago. Boy was I upset. But, the thing he asked me that I recommend a lot of women to ask themselves is "Do I treat you any differently than before you knew about the porn?" He has a point. Does your partner treat you differently than he ever has? If not, than I wouldn't worry about it unless it comes down to porn all the time and no actually sex with you.
Now, the emotions you talked about. Yes, I get the same way sometimes. It's usually during my emotional time around my period, but it happens randomly other times as well. I don't think, based on your post, you are being too controlling. You are acting as many other women would act. This may or may not help you; but when I feel emotional or ugly or whatever about it, I remember the reasons why I love my fiance. I remember what he does that makes me so incredibly happy. I usually forget about the porn and just bask in the happiness I feel at that moment. Just remember that porn is a thing that men do for themselves and it has nothing personal to do with you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the lady who has just answered My partner is almost always sensitive to my needs and wants he is a very wonderful and caring man!! I was his first and only sexual relationship so I think I can understand the porn yes I hate the perving when I'm with him because it is disrestpectful but I also perv but not all the time and not while he is with me!! I told him I didn't like him perving and he stopped while I was with him I also hated the porn for a long time but I too watch it and enjoy some of it I guess in a perfect world if he was just all mine and didn't look at anyone but me that would be great Today's society doesn't allow for that as sex is everywhere!! I guess in a nut shell its my own insecurities with having passed BF"s who have cheated and lied and he has done none of this But thank you for taking the time to read and answer my question
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): Oh it's normall all right. You need not stress about it, or make it to be anything about you. It's justbsomething he, and every other guy I know, do to pass the time. We don't remember the girls, we don't pretend they are real, we don't love our partners any less, nor are we more apt to cheat, or that we think all women are objects. It's just something guys do. Just like girls love to shop, or gab endlessly about nothing with the girlfriends (yep, we don't understand that either).
You have a choice. Just blow it off or perhaps participate sometimes, or make a big deal about it. If you chose the latter, he will still do it. However, he will learn the dangerous lesson to keep a part of his sexual life a secret from his wife - and THAT is something to worry about...
...............................
A
female
reader, amandab +, writes (8 February 2011):
if it upsets you and makes you feel bad then its not right.
there is nothing wrong with a bit of porn if you both agree.
he is wrong saying this is normal, and perving when you are out. you say you understand its normal for men to perv...why? have you been told its normal? because i dont think its normal at all. you are right it is disrespectful. porm seems to be very important to him and i wonder what his view is of women, objects? real, none real.and no wonder you feel unattractive, lets face it most of the girls pick in porn are for looks and nice figures and its hard to live up to that. is he capable of loving sexual intercourse or is it all like the movies?
not sure what to answer here but i think its not normal in most peoples lives. and you have to ask yourself is this something you want to live with forever? or is there away you can agree on limiting porn?
good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 February 2011):
 I'm not a woman, but I can tell you that you definitely aren't alone here. Go look at the porn tab on the right hand side of the main page if you doubt me.
Why does he jerk off instead of coming to you?
Usually it's because he just wants a quick release. Engaging in sex with your partner is both enjoyable and stressful. We worry about you getting off, about our performance, etc. We don't have that if good ol' "Rosy Palms" is taking care of us.
Are we getting off to the chicks and do we remember them?
Sometimes we'll remember them, but most of the time I couldn't even tell you the hair color of the girl in the scene I just watched. It's because we're more focused on the act taking place than the people involved. If he's watching girls masturbate, have you ever tried to masturbate for him? I'm sure he'd love that! It would be something different too that could spice things up for you.
Does liking to watch anal sex with women make him gay?
Nope. Neither does wanting to have it with you. Hell, I wouldn't even call him gay if he asked you to strap on a dildo and give it to him. The only way I consider someone gay is if they are sexually attracted to someone of the same sex.
Why does he look at other women?
The same reason you probably occasionally look at other men. It is a bit disrespectful to do it in your presence, but it's also something a lot of men have difficulty with. Again, you aren't alone here. Just because it's common doesn't make it right, but men are very visual, so attractive people definitely catch our attention. It does NOT mean he's not attracted to you though. Not at all.
...............................
|
