A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have been having a nagging feeling that my husband has been cheating since just before christmas, you know the tight gut feeling you get? well thats what i have had for so long, little things have not been adding up, ive been checking his phone religiously for a few months now, and i found a message on his phone from someone i thought was male, but they don't end messages with x do they?so i rang it and a woman answered, i questioned her about why she has been ringing my husband and texting him, she tried to deny it but went very quiet then put the phone down.is this a good reason to suspect he is?
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (21 February 2007):
 I would ask him who the phone number belongs to, if he says a friend (male) then ask to call him. If he says "do you not trust me?" say... "nope" and ring the number. You could also do your own detective work.
One way to tell if he's cheating is to catch him LYING about a matter. You can follow his EYE MOVEMENTS to tell if he is lying. ASK MORE QUESTIONS if he looks uncomfortable or uneasy. If he tries to create stories out of nothing and doesn't try to LOOK at you while speaking then the possibility is there that he IS cheating.
Partners who are cheating are often guilty of their actions. They will apologise over small mistakes and go out of their way to make you happy or feel pampered. He will also start showing less interest in you and will want to spend more time alone, so SUGGEST GOING WITH HIM when he goes out, even if it's just a short trip, tell him you need the fresh air (and watch his face!).
Is he still being intimate with you or has this got less? Is he always tired or making excuses that he's tired? If this part of your life has lessened then this alone is a good indication he may be cheating.
When your husband is away frequently then CALL HIM ON HIS PHONE to see if it's busy or turned off. If it does ring out, then hang up before he answers, you know his phone's on or not busy and that was the main reason for you calling. (You can WITHOLD YOUR NUMBER easily at these times so make sure and do that first so he doesn't get suspicious that it's you.) But make sure the number's NOT witheld when you genuinely do need to call him as it will register on his phone as being witheld or not! (You've got to be one step ahead of him all the time).
Also CHECK CLOSETS AND SHIRT POCKETS to look for any scribbled-down phone numbers or meeting places. CHECK HIS TROUSERS too. If you find an unknown number then call it and see who picks up. If it's not a familiar voice then ASK QUESTIONS to learn where they live and who they are. If you can, CHECK HIS CELL PHONE if he leaves it lying around then do so and check the phonebook (If it's not locked - which is another sign of course). Jot down all suspicious numbers and call them and notice the tone of the other person when she picks up the phone. Think carefully what you're going to say but DON'T tell her who you are at this point!
When he comes in go up and give him a KISS IMMEDIATELY AND SMELL HIM to see if there is a "woman's smell" lingering somewhere, perfume is the giveaway here. Even CHECK HIS SMALLS for 'signs'!!! WATCH CAREFULLY WHEN HE ARRIVES HOME, does he always seem to head to the shower immediately?
Another way to catch him is to FOLLOW HIM IN A CAR. See where he goes, what he buys and who he meets. (Take a friend along with you for moral support and use their car). If you can, try to SHOW UP SEDDENLY somewhere and be surprised to see your husband there. (Friend stays in the car of course). NOTICE HIS REACTION. If he is happy to see you then there's nothing to worry about. If, however, he looks flustered or worried and wide-eyed, then he is surely hiding something. ASK HIM QUESTIONS to clarify things a bit.
If nothing seems to work, go back and carry on with your investigation till you come up with something solid. Confront him ONLY when you have enough evidence against him and then decide what should be done next. If you keep on his case and he IS guilty, he WILL slip up, it's only a matter of time.
Isn't all this is a bit devious....? Yes... but you'd never do it if you didn't have good cause to. Cheating on a partner breaks every rule in the book between you. It is a sign that the relationship is not going well and is in trouble and THAT is what the roaming partner should be addressing and working on, NOT running into the arms of another as this solves nothing, only escalates and makes the problem much worse!
Let me know how it goes!
Eve
A
reader, sexylinz +, writes (21 February 2007):
 i would say yes it is a good reason. you need to talk to your husband. dont go off on one and argue with him try and keep things calm and see if you can work it out
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007): I wonder what the woman said? Is it possible that she answered her husband's phone? I have heard before that women "know" when their man is being unfaithful and I think it is true. Once that happened to me and I had an overwhelming urge to put my hand in the side pocket of his briefcase. My hand came out holding a great big picture of the other woman! However, you say you have been checking for months...is this something that you have done before? Has someone cheated on you before? If you look too hard for reasons to be doubtful you will surely find them!He may be cheating on you and he may not, but respect your own fears. Now that you have a feeling you have to discuss it with him. Ask calmly and with concern. If he gets angry or defensive I would suspect foul play even more. There has to be an end-time for this. Whatever you check on, you may have to confess to. Remember that. You may never get him to admit anything. Some people resort to private detectives because of that! Do you want to know or would you rather wait until it goes away?If he is sad,worried for you and reassuring, I would believe. Of course you will have a whole load of apologising to do, but it will be worth it. If his priority is how you are feeling, that is fine. You will have to stop spying and concentrate on trusting him. He would also be right to worry about your trust and his own privacy.Good luck, I hope you are wrong.
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