A
male
age
41-50,
*arlos Blind
writes:Dear all, Okay, where to start, been in relationship for 2 years, at first was the best, everything great and now she says spark has gone etc but whats to be with me, I still have that spark for her but really confused...anyway, I have written her a letter and wanted some advice whether to send it or not, please see below:Dear ****, I realise things haven’t been great between us lately, and to be honest we do need to talk things over etc, but as you said it will just all end in tears and maybe nothing will sort itself out.Therefore, I thought it would be a good idea to write down what I was thinking and try and work things out. These thoughts haven’t occurred over night, I’ve had them for a month or so and I am just trying to work things out in my head etc.Before I start, I won’t go into how much I love you, because hopefully you know that already, you know I f**king adore you, so I’ll stop there.Look before things got serious with us, I never to meant to fall in love with you but it just happened, I can honestly say that I am glad it did, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me I swear. Your unique, upbeat, genuine, have a carefree and loving personality and you make me smile, some of the things why I fell for you.I have never treated someone as nice as I have treated you, maybe because I respect you and in some ways never felt like this towards someone before, it’s weird because as much as it sounds strange but that moment we kissed for the first time, it just felt right and trust me when you have that feeling about someone, it won’t go away. I can say deep down and the truth that I have only had that feeling once and that is with you. In all honestly, I feel confused, everything was great, I mean, I was on top of the world, I still am, We had the best relationship ever, we had great times and still do, however I just don’t understand what has gone wrong, I am confused, everything seemed fine one day and not the next, I still feel the same towards you since the start, I still get that buzz when I see you, I still get that excitement when I kiss you. I don’t expect anything from you, I don’t expect to see you every day, I never force you into doing anything you don’t want, I think in some ways I built up my expectations, we were talking how we would plan our wedding, what our kids were going to be called etc...now that was weird for me, cos I have never discussed that with anyone else before, it was scary cos I didn’t freak me out, which is why my head is spinning out of control when you said you felt the spark had gone.I think I kind of know what you’re feeling, I was in a similar relationship before, we lost the spark and I just assumed that was it, we kind of grew apart and hence started to get feeling for you. In some ways maybe I could have made it work but actually I didn’t want to, I wanted to end the relationship way before you, but by fate you came along, and I knew I couldn’t let you just walk on by.Okay, in some ways, you could say I have changed, but that’s cos I have acted like a t**t before, you could say that I have matured, grown up, I have always tried to live the life of Peter Pan, but I wanted to build a relationship with you because you became an important thing in my life and still are. I kind of wanted to show you how serious I was about you, about how committed I was. Life wasn’t about getting drunk every weekend and pulling a different bird anymore, it was about you. I felt like that I had everything, I never looked back and still don’t, no regrets from day one.I do understand about your job, I realise its stressful and gets you down, which is why I try not to mention it to you, trying to make you forget and make you smile. Sometimes I forget about the age gap, that’s because it doesn’t worry me, in all honestly I don’t even feel like that age gap exists. I have been looking back at all the photos of us, remising about old times, good times, great times. It’s like from random nights etc (personal stuff)At the end of the day, I don’t want to throw away the two years that we have had together, and I hope you don’t either but I am not sure how you feel and I am trying my very best, giving you space, giving you time, which I am happy to do, I will give you as much as possible. However sometimes I feel confused as what you want, I do have feeling too, and I am only human, I want to hold you, hug you, snuggle with you, I want to spend time with you, I want to kiss you, I want to feel you close, all I have ever been is nice to you, haven’t f**k you around etc, haven’t expected anything from you, at the moment it feels like you are pushing me away, I am not going to give up but it is getting hard for me, in some ways you have lost that caring and loving attitude that you had towards me before, and it’s hard to understand whether you are pushing me away on purpose or that’s just how you feel at the moment.The balls in your court baby. All I have ever want you is to be happy, and it hurts me to say that if I don’t make you happy then I don’t know what to do, never in a million years would I want to break up with you, but I would do whatever in this world to make you happy, kind of sacrifice my happiness for yours. When you met someone who has changed your life for the better, has loved you, made you laugh, make you happy, you don’t want them to ever leave you, it’s probably a rare thing I can tell you, and it’s something you would do anything to keep. I have never let you down, never broken a promise, treated you like a princess, first time I met you, first kiss, I will never forget, **** you are the most amazing thing, even having the time we did, was like a dream.Okay, sorry about the long letter etc, but just wanted some advise as to whether to send it or not...maybe I just need to chill but its killing me inside and just want answers but will this letter work...please adviseMany ThanksCarlos B
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drunk, I love you, my ex, spark, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 If you can lie on top of her, look her in the eyes and feel a connection, you'll see the spark is still there. It takes two to tango. Whoever starts to say the spark is gone is irresponsible. They are people who look else where and express that they are not ready for something serious because they just don't know what to do when the honey moon stage has ended. Don't sweat too much. It's not your fault or her fault. The relationship has to go somewhere, deeper. That's why I say don't send the letter and give her the upper hand. Keep your cool and disagree with her and say "no, I feel the spark is pretty much still here."
A
male
reader, Carlos Blind +, writes (29 April 2010):
Carlos Blind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your replies, I was very interested in Janniepeg reply, I has made me think, in some ways I do want to send the letter and in other ways like Janniepeg says keep it to myself. I realise I do need to chill but its hard. Things have got better, and I am just going with the flow, wait until she texts me etc, maybe I am just paranoid that the spark wont come back, is it just a matter of time and space? Thanks all guys x
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Send the letter and get it over with.
Why can't you tell her this things face to face? Maybe because deep down you already know the answer?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (29 April 2010):
Hi Carlos,
I am 29 and I'd been in quite a few serious and casual relationships. You are very expressive and your sentiments are quite revealing. I see that she's losing interest and you are hurt, and wondering if the relationship should continue? Honestly I feel that the relationship has gone too fast for her. She needs space to breathe. If I were that girl I would feel suffocated reading that letter. Love does not require too much effort. It's a natural state of mind. If you act like she's your everything, your life and death, and that you would do anything to make her happy, she would lose respect for you. Adapt her care free attitude. I am not telling you to become a bad boy because that's what girls are attracted to. Focus on fun things to do, rather than what you might have done wrong. Be more optimistic and confident. Girls like men who know (or at least pretend to know) what makes relationship work, and that you have all the answers. In other words they like men who are leaders. I think you should just keep this letter to yourself. Sorry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): wow...... That is a wonderful letter... Very well written.... Id try talking to her first.. And if she doesnt comprehend the situation and the way ur feeling then send ur letter, because i think u summed everything down on that bit of paper. U opened up ur heart to her. To the ppl on this site.
Good luck to u Carlos B
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A
female
reader, Jesc  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Wow, I say send it.
I believe it is perfect.
Please let us know how this ends.
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A
female
reader, KaileyLove +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Woah... I can honestly say that reading that letter has made my eyes water. It's a beautiful letter, and if you think that sending it is the best thing to do. Then by all means, send it.
Most likely she'll get the same reaction as me.
You, sir, have a way with words.
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