A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago I posted a question on this site about the close relationship between myself and my married art teacher http://www.dearcupid.org/question/if-he-was-not-married-would-he-see.htmlSince then it is becoming more serious, although he is constantly sending mixed signals. For a while I dated another (much older) guy and completely ignored my art teacher 'boyfriend, despite his persistant attempts to talk to me! Now however I have succumbed to his charms yet again and we are closer than ever. A few days ago he indirectly realised my feelings for him, and I assumed that he would make an effort to distance himself from me, but instead he seems to hover around me more than ever. every time I walk past him he stops and stares at me, not in a sexual way, more as if he is dazed - almost sad. Yesterday I lost something which is of great importance to me, and I was sitting a little way away from the school (after spending about half a hour looking for it) he came and sat next to me so we walked off for a bit (outside of school) and talked about it and then I told him I was going to the train station (he was supposed to be working) so I walked back to the school be with him and then we just stood together on the side of the road for a while and he seemed really upset and then he just ran off.I feel so confused right now. I know it is so hard for him - what with all the rumours circulating about us, but I also feel so angry at him for leaving me hanging like this. He has been avoiding me for while but now he seems to have changed his mind, or was it never changed to start with? Sometimes we avoid eachother, sometimes we are the best of friends, and sometimes we just watch eachother from a distance. But of course we shouldn't be doing any of this. I can't control my urges for him, but I know it will ruin both our lives if anything more was to happen? And even if I do leave the school, he is married? And I don't actually know how he truly feels? Please help me! I can't think about anything else and yet I'm so confused about everything!I also have another question: if a 16-18 year old drops out of school - after their GCSEs or during their A-levels - is it legally okay to have a relationship with a teacher? I know this is illegal while they are both still at the school. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): Don't touch, he's married. You'll always regret it.
Even if you just give him angsty stares for the rest of the year, get OUT of his class and avoid him, even when your chest gets that burning-yet-cold painful feeling.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): Hi anonymous, I remember you from your previous post. Nothing you have said suggests that I change my mind about the advice I gave you before. You like your teacher, sure you do. He likes you, it's obvious. But like I said there's nothing you can do about it at the moment.
HE'S YOUR TEACHER. HE CANNOT AFFORD TO LOVE YOU. HE'S AT WORK. HE WILL LOSE HIS JOB.
So you wait until you finish school and then nobody can stop you. But it's a stupid idea to cut school just so you can be with him. He make like you, but what makes you think he's willing to leave his wife for you. They recently got married, they could be having problems and that's why he's attracted to you. Your youth and innocence must be a real turn on compared to the nagging harpy that he has to go home to. To tell the truth even if you get him, what makes you think he'll stay. He loves his wife, he married her. He could love you, but will he stay. Your in the middle of a triangle and I'm afraid you will lose out.
Anyway what can you do. Dropping out of school is a BAD, BAD, idea. He's a teacher, he's got qualifications, he's got a job. What can you offer him, what can you offer any man. Who want's to be with someone without qualifications, unable to get a job and too young to boot. You need those qualifications honey, you need to get the best qualifications possible, cause you need to get a good job so you can be an financially independent strong woman who needs a man for love, rather than for money. Concentrate on your exams and use all your strength to ignore him.
If it is love (and it sure sound like something similar to me) he'll be hurting as much, if not more than you. He loves his wife, he dosen't want to hurt her. He loves you but your too young and he dosen't want to loose his job. Ignore him, don't respond until after you leave school and can tell him how you feel. If you love him you'll wait. If he loves you he'll wait, he'll get in touch once you leave school and you can be together.
But it won't be easy taking him away from his wife. You'll both feel guilty, it'll be difficult to trust him, if he left his wife, he'll leave you. Study hard and get a good job, so that no matter what you present as a good catch for any man that is looking for a woman to settle down and marry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): Hi - it's me, the original poster - I'm just going to verify a few things -
1) he does not have a 'family', he is quite young and got married recently (but before I met him) because he was under pressure to do so.
2) 'as you've said, when you dated another man, he slipped your mind, which just shows you that it isnt HIM you want in particular, you just want someone there for you. Theres nothing wrong with feeling that way. But please do try and channel your feelings on someone else who is available.' -this is completely untrue - I was dating someone else purely to try and forget about my art teacher, this does not mean he slipped my mind - I was only doing it to see how he would react (childish, I know!)
Thanks for the responses so far, I've love to hear more opinions xx
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A
female
reader, :):):) +, writes (17 May 2008):
He is putting his career and marriage first, which is the right thing to do.
As you've said, when you dated another man, he slipped your mind, which just shows you that it isnt HIM you want in particular, you just want someone there for you. Theres nothing wrong with feeling that way. But please do try and channel your feelings on someone else who is available.
It isnt illegal to date a stedent over the age of 16 but it would be very much frowned upon and he would certainly lose his job.
If you dropped out or left, then there wouldnt be an issue, but the school would most probably try and find 'other reasons' to get rid of him as the school would be gaining a bad reputation.
As hard as it is, try to distance yourself from him, not only for the sake of his marriage and career but for yourself, you have plenty of time for relationships, Concentrate on your education and meet other guys that can give you the time you deserve.
xxx
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A
female
reader, tsurugi-ijin +, writes (17 May 2008):
 "But of course we shouldn't be doing any of this. I can't control my urges for him, but I know it will ruin both our lives if anything more was to happen"
I think saying that yourself ansers your question pretty much.
Even if it was legal (Which i belive if your not under his teachings it is) Then he still has a family. To go further with him will cause you both alot of trouble and depending on his age and job, he may decide its not worth the hassle.
My best advice to you is, when you have finished your GCSE's to move to another college. This way if anything does happen he is no longer your teacher therefore wont be as much trouble.
Please write an update,
All the Best, Jin
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