A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Heyy :)this isn't a major problem but just something i'm curious about.i've been watching the programmes 'underage and pregnant' and i imagine they were broadcast to try and stop teens from becoming parents and to stop/be more careful when having sex. but its had a completely different affect on me, i'm horny all the time anyway but its just made me want a baby so bad, i've even been looking at names and baby clothes and everything!!! is this normal? i dont need all the lectures about not being old enough eyc. because i know that. thanks x
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (1 August 2009):
 Listen, if I leave you with anything I want to leave you with this. Thoughts are neither good nor bad. Don't worry about whether your feelings are normal or abnormal. You sound like you've got a good head on you. Not trying to lecture you, but just try not to let your thoughts influence your actions. Sometimes even people who have really good heads on them become so wrapped up in their fantasies that they experience weak moments and do things that they shouldn't. Not saying children are mistakes, every child is a blessing, but you get what I'm saying.I think it's great that you are planning for your future years ahead. You said, "I wouldn't do that because I don't have a partner, and my friends, my family, etc. would freak... and people would be like ok....." I wish that your motivation were more internal, if you know what I mean. Try not to care about what other people think. Come up with your own reasons for not having a kid now, not reasons like, well i wont do this cos i care what other people think. Cos eventually, that reason will stop working once you stop caring. I think what you are doing is fine(thinking about kids) as long as you have your priorities in order. Yourself, family, school, sleep, eating, and daydreaming occasionally about your future baby. I know that I said it didn't seem normal in the beginning, but that was my perspective at the time. I was wrong, because it's neither normal or abnormal. It's really not about whether it is normal or not, it's about how you let your thoughts affect your life. And from your response, obviously they are not affecting your life that much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): When I was younger about 14 I would say, I picked out baby names & imaged how it would be to have a child.
But now that I am 21 my mind has totally changed…I don’t even like kids & NEVER plan on having them, even though I’m in a steady relationship & my b/f wants kids my mind wont be moved.
As you grow up you go thro different experiences that change you out look & mind about things.
Next week, next month, next year even you might look back and think
‘What the f*ck was I thinking…I must have been mad to want a child at that age!!’
I know I did!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): I think you should volunteer to spend 10 hours alone with 4 children all under the age of four with babies in diapers. I can't think of better birth control for you than that at your age.....do it, see how you feel then.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): Dear Poster, quite a few aunts took the time to answer you here and to be flippant about being "lectured" that you are too young is closing your mind to the very question and help that you asked.
You see we have lived decades longer than you have (most of us) and we happen to know that desire begets action.
We also know that there is something at the "root" of your desire to have a baby. Something that is lacking. It is your job to figure out what that something is as having the desire to want a baby at your age and pick out baby names is not usual and it is simply irrational as you can't really make that happen and have it come out happily for you.
My guess is that you want something that is all yours, someone that will love you unconditionally. Get a Dog!
See if you can responsibly take sole care of a pet first and then baby won't be as much of a stretch when the time is right.
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit didnt glamorize being pregnant or having a baby. it showed the pain of childbirth, how expensive everything is, how hard it can be doing schoolwork, having to wake up like 10 times during the night.it showed the reality of it.i said i didnt need lectures about how im too young or how hard it is. i wont have a baby, because i dont have a partner and because my family would go mad and my friends would kill me and people would just be like ok...i just wanted to know whether it is normal that i want a baby so bad, i've even thought of names.
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female
reader, Confused and lonely +, writes (30 July 2009):
Honestly, I have seen a few episodes of that show and I don't think they are trying to make teens not want to have babies. I think they are trying to make money. That's why they made the show to make money not to make teens stay away from pregnancy. They overglamourize it. They make it seem "tough but managable". They don't show them standing in line at the welfare office trying to get insurance so that they can go to the doctor and pay for the hospital bills. They don't show them standing in line every month at the WICC office with the other mothers trying to get formula for the baby because 20 dollars a day in formula is more than they can afford. I mean mind you I have only seen a few episodes so maybe they do show that stuff but I doubt it. Also going through hours of labor and not sleeping because of the pain of labor then as soon as the baby is born you wanna sleep cause your tired and worn out from labor JUST to realize that you can't sleep because you have a baby to take care of and your not going to sleep more than 2 hours at a time for the next at least 6 months doesn't sound appealing. Watch the show "bringing home baby" its a little more reality based but then most of those people only deal with the lack of free time and sleep because they are grown and have good jobs so don't have as much to qoret about as far as money as a teen parent would. But if you have a good partner that is supportive and will help a lot so you can sleep SOME and also works a decent job and you have a place to live already and insurance oh and you are able to handle whatever problems the baby may be born with for example colic heart defects or other major birth defects that any baby could be born with GO FOR IT no matter the age (given that you and your partner have thought it out and both want the baby).
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): Loads of good answers here: listen and don't be stupid.
Don't join the growing army of "pram-faces" - young, unmarried mothers who regard it as a good career move to get knocked up and live off the State (i.e. us taxpayers) for the rest of their lives on benefit-provided accomodation and hand-outs.
Have some respect for yourself and your body and do the normal thing. Wait for the right man and the right time - when you and your body are ready and your mind-set is such that you can cope properly.
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male
reader, infamous +, writes (30 July 2009):
just think about this... do you want to wake up at two in the morning every night and staying awake for hours trying to figure out what you need to do to make a baby stop crying. along with that, where would you find the time getting a job to take care of your child cus you cant depend on mommy and daddy to buy all of the baby's needs. plus when all your friends or whoever tell you they want to hang out you wont be able to because yo have a kid.a child is a great responsibility, not a play thing for a girl around the age of fourteen to have just because she wants one really bad.im not saying children are terrible little monsters and you should never have one, im saying you should hold off and have one when your older and more mature and more financially prepared for a child, along with having the right guy to be there to help
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): Ok, everyone has weighed in. Your wanting a baby is irrational. A baby is not to love you unconditionally, get a dog!
A baby is not a pet, it is a 20 year even a lifetime commitment. What do you know about life? You are a baby yourself. Be responsible, do the right thing and stop living in la la land. Nuff said, lecture over.
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female
reader, Myrtis +, writes (30 July 2009):
 Auntie Myrtis is an old hand at yearnings like this, so listen up:OMG, girl, you talkin like a crazy person!It's hormones. Nothing but hormones. These are chemicals created by your body and they cause you to do good things sometimes, like bond with a baby when you have one. They also make having a baby seem like a good idea when it really isn't. Think about it - ever kissed a guy you shouldn't have given the time of day? Ever ridden off on the back of a motorcycle with a cool dude when you should have studied for a geometry test? HORMONES! When you see a baby or hear talk about a baby of think about having a a baby, your body is revving up to do what it's made to do. That's fine, but when that coooool dude turned out to be a dud, you regretted hanging with him, right? So you dumped him and never spoke to him again except to say please pass the salt in the school caf. Well, you go and have a baby, and you're stuck with the kid for the next twenty years or so! How smart that ISN'T. Keep admiring the babies and studying the girls who have them too young and eventually you'll realize that you'd better put the hormones on hold, get an education, and then you MIGHT be ready to do the mommy thing. Until you are confident that you and you alone can financially and support a kid, you ain't ready. Hear? So go over to the mall. Check out the prices on diapers and cribs and stuff. Then picture yourself in some of those adorable clothes in the junior section and think how so NOT gorgeous you'd be wearing them to school if you had a baby bump. And how they won't fit for a while after you give birth. And how leaking milk stains from your boobs won't look so good down your front. Them prices on baby gear and thoughts about clothes should get you over your temporary insanity, trust me. If not, consult your school counselor. He most probably won't know what to advise you, most school counselors being in need of counseling themselves, but at least that's less time for you to obsess over dumb things like having a baby when you're still a kid yourself.
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female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (30 July 2009):
Baby girl..I was just like you I always wanted a baby everysince I could remember well I am 35 and just had my first baby completely by surprise of course and I love my baby dearly but you can't do anything. I have family and the baby daddy on a daily basis to help me and come and take him for a day so I can get some rest. There is no more me, Now I am just mom and he needs me to do everything for him there is no alone time and rest when you want it. It may look easy to have a baby but it is very tiring to be a parent 24/7. Now imagine a girl your age with no money no car no house no nothing plus a demanding little person on your lap that only wants you and no one else what would you do. This is how many kids end up being abused because not everyone can take the pressure of being a parent. You need to top living in TV fairy land and realize it is only you and the kids and that is it and if you can't make it the only one that will suffer is your little person. Please remember TV doesn't show you everything that happens did you see how those teens would be fighting with everyone only because they thought they were special and didn't want anyone telling them what to do and that is not a attitude you can have when other people are taking care of you. The girls had bf but they were immature and not ready to be fathers they were just doing what they were told and that can cause resentment. Bottom line it is not what it is cracked up to be wait until you are married and have a home and a great guy that will stand by you and support you emotionally and financially too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): I wouldn't say it's normal but I wouldn't say it abnormal. I mean, there are teens out there who have this way of thinking. Sometimes, a family is all that one sees a purpose for in life. SO i suppose it does make sense. You can't possibly capture the experience of having a baby vicariously though. No matter how many prgrams you watch or how many people you talk to about it, or see with babies, you can't understand until you have one. It' rally very difficult. But i know you don't want lectures: so i just want to encourage you not to try for a baby. To also be safe and use protection at this stage in your life. If you can't convince yourself not to do this because it will be hard, then at least think about how truely.. not wise.. it would be to be inpregnanted on purpose without getting the father's permission. That is what i invision someone in your situation doing. Telling him you took the pill when you didn't because you want one so badly.. but just don't. That's wrong. Completely wrong to the father. Please PM me if you DO want a lecture, or if you want information on being a teen mom or what it's like. I'll tell you my story and all the things i've given up.. lost to be a mom.
Take care.
~Sy.
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female
reader, Stacii:) +, writes (30 July 2009):
Hia, i am only 16 and i want a baby too. The way i see it if your in a good, long lasting relationship and are ready for a baby then its up to you. I am trying for one with my boyfriend and i cant wait! But my boyfriend has a job & earns a good wage for me & him and the baby when i get pregnant. It doesnt matter what your family or friends think, they'll come round its just about what you and your partner want & if you could give the baby a good life xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): its fine to look at all those things and one day look forward to it... that is all normal. Im glad you are mature enough to see that you know that you are not ready to provide for a small human being.
I am going to give you an example in kinda goofy terms in hopes that you will be able to grasp the extent of parent hood.
imagine you have a puppy that is chewing and peeing and pooing.. and barking and yapping cause it needs food and water and love and attention.
if you can keep that puppy for over a year without--
hitting it, locking it in a room, pen, outside on a chain, forgetting to feed it, taking it for its checkups and shots, forgetting to water it, love it, give it attention and take care of it when its sick then most people would be able to handle the beginings of parenthood. Remember you cant take children to the pound when you get tired of them. THEY ARE FOR LIFE!!
children/infants are like small puppies they are helpless and have to reli on you for everything.
So in answer yes its normal to want it, but its very important to keep your eye on how to get there. and be able to give you and your future baby what you both need.
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female
reader, Heartbroken-xx  +, writes (30 July 2009):
Listen to me and listen to me very carefully. I am one month pregnant and I'm fifteen years old. YOU DO NOT WANT A BABY. I am devastated and so is my family.
I can't even begin to stress. I was like you once. I thought it would be all good. It's not. I have to make some HUGE desicions now and I am completely stressed out.
No matter what desicion I make my whole life will be changed dramatically. You think you want a baby now but you don't and you truly won't realize that until you get pregnant and you will see.
Use a condom.
Good Luck
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female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (30 July 2009):
 i agree if you were seen young and pregnant you and your family was seen with disrespect! all the shows make it so simple but its not. you need money and your education wont be easy to get done with a child around not to mention that getting a better life for yourself so that you can do anything you want for a child later is better than a half baked plan! the child does not go away when you want to see your friends you cant go out clubbing you cant just drop it on a whim. its their 24/7 till atleast its 16th bday. so in reality its like a prison sentence lol. dont get me wrong it will be worth it in the end. but just think how much easier it would be if your were properly educated and some money to back you! try and focus yourself on things you enjoy and look into what you want to do for a career. i know you know your too young hence why no one will give you a lecture your just curious about a natural thing who isnt! but i would leave getting pregnant till you get married and a job or till you truly love someone and know that they will be their for the next 50 years. partner hopping is happening too much and no one knows who theri related to let alone if their a dad to someones kid. so their is so much to think about when having a baby! good luck aphex
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): set your alarm to go off every 3 hours at night (and wake up and do something for a half hour or so), imagine having saggy boobs for the rest of your life(wether you breastfeed or not), imagine never having tight abs again (no matter how much you exercise it will always be there), and like the previous poster said; start carrying a baby doll around with you everywhere (including the bathroom sometimes!). I do believe it is normal to want a baby at your age! I wanted a baby at 17 and got knocked up and had mine at 18...not to say I regret it, but a part of me wishes I had waited until I had my life sorted out a little better (even tho at the time I felt like I had). I never realized ALL my money would go to him and I would be dressing like crap and looking like crap because I never have time for myself (getting a baby sitter is HE**) Think about it a little more before you decide, having a baby changes EVERTHING!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): oh, and i'm not really into the fact that the baby grows up :C , and when it's time to hang out and make social life, it becomes a pain in the ass...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): hunn, i have the same fcking problem!
i want it so bad, and i wanted before, but after watching "16 and Pregnant", it just turned into an obsession! and i feel the same for the daddy ! i want a kid with my man, it seems so cute! "and this is the baby daddy" 3 i just don't know what to do, cause i want it so bad, but i really don't want to have regrets, it's something for life, you know? (the kid) and the daddy maybe isn't (sniff) and when it's for life, i think i should better wait till "for life" is a little shorter.
ok i didn't help but at least u know there's someone else with the same problem, and i suggest doing what thatgothgirl20 said, cause i'm deffinitely doing it!
p.d. (im 14)
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (30 July 2009):
The shows on tv actually seem to glamorize being pregnant at a young age. Years ago, it was seen as a disgrace.
I think the middle ground is healthy.
It doesn't seem normal. Maybe you should try playing with one of your baby dolls as in keeping it with you all the time, wherever you go, and see how annoying that gets.
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