A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have been married to my husband for over a 1.5 yr ago i..e we signed the marriage certificate almost 2 yrs ago and i moved with him 6 months after signing him. Few months after signing him we had fights regarding issues with his friends as i could not spend all of my time in socializing on weekends and wanted to spend some time in doing house hold related work and career related work too. he mentioned to me couple of times that he enjoys more with his friends and does not enjoy going out with me that much. this was really hurtful to hear right after my wedding. I accidentally opened his email account one day and discovered that he was actually interested in some other girl but could not marry her due to his beliefs. I also found out that right after our signing of marriage certificates he was still in contact with that girl and has complained to her that she was still the most beautiful thing that happened to him. Now after reading all this i realised this was the reason i did not get the love and attention i deserved as i first thought my husband is not the pampering or compliments giving type but in his communications with that girl he appears very expressive. I wanted to up until now to spend time with him as i believed we are still in honey moon period and need to go on vacations alone to have more good memories but he one day has told me we can only go on vacations if we take his friends. I dont really enjoy going on vacations with his friends cuz then he keeps on doing every thing to please them and their wives. This hurts me and i feel i really am no where in his life. I think about divorce every day cuz i know he is really not the person i would have married if i had known before. I find him having double standards on every thing. and he hates that when i mention my rights. i recently found him chatting on daily basis to a married woman[some relative of his friend] and discussing topics like whether they are happy or not. Though i know its a long distance perhaps casual friendship but i really was hurt to see it happening on daily basis and them waiting for each other on chat every day and she was hiding it from her husband he never chatted in front of me. I just discovered his messages accidentally and cant really see what they are talking about every day. I am not really sure if i should work on this relatonship or just divorce him and move on with my life as i really dont wanna regret it after few years.
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divorce, long distance, married woman, move on, period, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lizzy111  +, writes (18 March 2011):
Run for your life girl - If he is already put you in 2nd or 3rd best position there is little hope you will move in 1st and even after the trust and all affection probably will be lost on your side ...We all deserve to be 1st to anyone....Success!!!xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): He's not very grown up if necessary household work is too much of an annoyance for him, he needs his friends to do anything, and he's emotionally cheating on you with two separate women. You're not happy, he's not happy, so why is this still dragging on? You will never be happy in this situation.
It sounds like it's time to call it quits and wait for a man who loves you, cares for you and respects your opinions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): @ poster it is note worthy that most of the things you have spoken about is about what you want or how you want your marriage to be..Your husband I'm sure has needs too..Its about compromise not just abut your right(believeme you are not the only one with rights in this)... Quit this immaturity ans sit with your husband to discuss a compromise and how to improve things in your home
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 March 2011):
 I'm confused, how well did you know your husband before you married him. It sounds to me like you thought marriage magically makes people close.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-people-put-too-much-weight-on-the.html
I think that thread may be good to read.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): This in not good, you need a marriage consular.There are too many issues. I think you dont feel comfortable talking to him about it neither does he. IF you dont talk about it the marriage will end and it will end ugly.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 You should tell him you want a divorce because your wish is to be in a mutually happy marriage and you feel like he's just using you as a prop since all his friends are married, and that he can't marry to his dream girl and nothing ever works his way. I get angry every time someone mentions because of xyz, we can't get married. People just need excuses to be unhappy, and stupid. What better way to let out the frustration on you. It's like he can't be happy so you don't deserve happiness either. Tell him you are ready to let go of this "for show" marriage and find the happiness you deserve. It is indeed your right to be happy. No one should have to tell him that couples need quality time together. You should not drag yourself down to his level. Let him drink his bitter juice alone.
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A
female
reader, kaykay1989 +, writes (17 March 2011):
 This is absolutely awful I really do feel for you right now and the timing of this couldn't be more worse. This is a tough situation but I would definately have this out with him he may be hurt that you went through his messages but what he's doing/done is much worse. I don't think any marriage could really recover from this sort of betrayal. If he doesn't want to spend time with you and would rather talk to this other woman then I would definately suggest ending it.If you stay in this marriage the only regret you will have is not ending this sooner then you did and about wasting precious years with someone that clearly isn't worth it.I honestly think in a couple of years if you do end this marriage you won't have any regrets you thanking your lucky stars that you had a great escape.You deserve much more and not someone thats going to put you down. xoxoxox
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