A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear All,I have a small question “is it possible that a gold-digger turn into a mature and loving wife”I ask this question with a reason, as I want to give my wife a second change (ok I am lying I want to give myself a second chance). Let me give you a brief history about myself. I was born and brought up in a slightly wealthy family in India. I came to US for education and once I came here I started my own business in Colorado. With the grace of God this business did well and I became well settled financially. At the age of 27, I met a beautiful young (read 19) girl from Kansas (to be honest I was awestruck by her looks and vibrant attitude towards life) I proposed her and after brief courtship we got married. I must admit that was the best period of my life, she was all what I wasn’t young, beautiful, and chirpy. She came from very humble background however, it never mattered to me honestly she was kind of blown away by my lifestyle.However, all this magic started weed-off soon. I could realize that she never wanted to spend time with me (honestly, I was also not giving her much time as I was busy growing my business). Two years after our marriage I heard her talking to a strange man way too often. Once she forgot to clear browser cookies and I was able to login to her email to find out that she was dating a man to whom she had sent a lot of emails. In one of the emails she said to him that she married me just for money and is not at all happy with me. I got really agitated and confronted her immediately. She agreed she was wrong and was doing it because I never gave her time, love and compassion. She also said that she wanted to work on the marriage. I was quite obviously hurt and behaved like an unrealistic, self-centered egoistic jerk. I asked her to leave infact I never heard her point of view. She reluctantly moved out with no trace (I also honestly never tried to find where she went). After this incidence I become even more dry, rude and self-centered man (I know this because my entire office, colleagues and business partners have told me this more then once). However, my business grew and I became even busier. In this period no woman came in my life (as to an extent I became women hater). Last month I went for a business conference to a Colorado Springs. I don’t know how but somehow I landed at a small Chinese Joint where my wife (I’ll not call her my ex-wife as we are not divorced) was working as waitress. My heart missed a beat. While we were together I would not have taken her to such a shabby place for a dinner and today she working at this small place. I need to add that all this while she has access to my bank accounts and I have never realized how lucky I was that she never bothered to fleece me for money. Without her knowledge I met her room partner (she was staying with a Chinese girl) and she told me that ever since my wife moved with her she has never dated a man as she is not able to get her head cleared from her ex. Now as I see this today, I think I really made a haste decision in painting her a gold-digger as she never tried to fleece me for money. Also I agree she was dating a man online but don’t you think as young people we generally make mistakes and beside that I somewhat agree I hardly ever gave her time. Do you think I should really go and talk to her, as ever since she has left my life has become absolutely dull. If I take her back I would be doing a favor to myself then to her also will she accept me.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (18 March 2011):
 This is an interesting situation. In truth, both of you married each other for mutual needs. She married your financial stability, and you wanted a good looking teenaged trophy wife. You got the flash, and she got the cash.
Both of you got buried in your lives, and she was stupid to cheat on you online. In my opinion, your first reaction was the correct one. There is no excuse ever to cheat. She can blame her feelings of loneliness on you being buried in her business, but she had the option of voicing those feelings for you rather than justifying herself in flirting with an affair.
But, and this is a big BUT...if she really were a gold digger, she could have lived off you while away. The fact that she never touched your money means a lot. She has the potential for maturity.
I think this relationship, which began from selfish origins and emotional maturity on both sides might possibly have a change to begin for the right reasons - not because of your affluence or her good looks as a jewel to your ego, but on equal footing and love.
It'll take both of you to rebuild and talk through it. Last time, you had a speedy courtship. This time, build a good foundation out of love. Both of you can take each other on adventures and live out life happy with each other.
A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (17 March 2011):
 Yes you should go talk to her, it sounds like you have both learned a lesson and could be very happy together again.
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