A
female
age
41-50,
*upidlover89
writes:Hello, I just want an honest opinion on this one. Im an attractive, pretty cool young woman who is independent. I wonder why men that I date always tell me or talk about other women? When I say other women I mean ex girlfriends or some women in general. Usually they will just talk about how many women like them, or how unbelivebly hot their ex girlfriends were. One man I dated would remind me that he was highly "sought" after. He also would tell me things about his ex that were irrelevant, such as how awesome her cat was. I just wondered if this happened to any of you girls out there? Or men maybe you can shed light on this weird dude behavior. I would like to also know how to handle it? P.s. I don't talk about other men either, so it's not a game I start!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Relationship.Chef +, writes (28 May 2013):
 It seems you already answered your own question. "Is it normal?"Well, clearly, it does not seem normal to you.Yet, you still want to know WHY men you date talk about their exes, right? Well, I'm here to help.Unfortunately, you've given only a sliver of information. Still, there are two possible answers. One is, those men are somewhat intimidated by you. Independent, attractive, cool girl that wouldn't take anybody's shit.Second variant is that the men are bragging. It's a simple (yet ridiculously stupid) notion that by disclosing what we've had in the past the current partner will feel less superior. (See, there we go again with that independence!)Of course, a gentlemen will never kiss and tell, which makes me wonder, are you choosing the kind of men that will offer you proper respect?Or are you looking for the prestige quality, therefore invoking the same response in men? (If you're looking for someone who's hot, independent, desirable, then the men will act as someone who should be treated as independent, hot, desirable. And, of course, pumped full of accolades.)It may be difficult to admit, but the people we surround ourselves with are usually a reflection of ourselves...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2013): Why do you permit them to keep talking about their past exploits? Are you a sucker for punishment? Is there something they don't like about you so they talk about their past relationships? Find out and tell them to stop it and if they don't tell them to go and take a hike. You need this and don't have to put up with this behaviour. Move forward.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 It just goes to show you they don’t have much to talk about? Although it’s very insightful knowledge to have about where their head is!? Be it in the past or how they’re comparing you to their Ex-girlfriends… Some guys also just like to get things off their chest or give you a heads up on how they’ve been hurt.Just watch out for the one who says; you’re so much better than my Ex; she never listened to me etc. and; if only I met you earlier, plus she never took an interest in my stuff (which naturally you do). As they’re the ones that ‘blame’ others for their failed relationships; they never look at themselves as having contributed to the problem nor do they try to work out why it went wrong to improve the future! This one will dump the blame you just as he blamed all his Ex’s!Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (27 May 2013):
 Hi
Funnily enough I bumped into a guy this weekend that I dated and finished with because of his Ex references and countless female mates.
Guess what he bought up in the conversation - yes - the Ex. I just said oh your still not back together then, he said he didn't want to be.
Pity really he's a nice enough bloke but will never change.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (27 May 2013):
 Hi as per the previous advise, just change the topic. Sounds like they suffer from an inferior complex and have to make it seem like they are in demand!
Also if they ever ask why previous relationship did not work, mention how you dislike men that talk about the ex and that are hung up on the ex. They will getthe message!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): They are feeling insecure and are trying to make you think you are lucky to be with them, or, they haven't learnt good manners yet.
If it were me, I would ask more.. like..."oh, well why are you not still with her?"... or make a point by saying... "yeah, my exes are all really hot too".
He is likely trying to make himself valuable to you.
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A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (27 May 2013):
 I would just say, "That's fab but can we talk about you or me or something else please?" You don't have to make the effort to go on a date and then sit there listening to ex stories! Take control of the situation and let them know if they want to talk about their ex's...they can do that WITH their ex's! xx
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