A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, Im a 28 yr old female. I just took standard blood work because im in the health field and a routine gyn pap, every thing came out normal. I got a letter about about my bloodwork. I called the office and found out I have Herpes:( I'm no Angel but not promiscuous. I haven't had sex in years because of being obese. So this year I started to have sex with my ex. He's also my first love. We never really use protection. We dated on and off for 13 years straight and I never cheated! I'm so scared to tell him because he's very high tempered. I can't believe its from him because he has OCD and is very fickle about sexaul partners. He's Been married for 5 years and got divorced last year. Doing reseach, Herpes is not so bad as finding out You have HIV. I still don't want him to infect others.Im So scared, about his reaction. Even by phone. He will call me everything in the book. Since he's my first, he looks at me as always being his "clean" girl.Should I avoid a big fight and not tell, or take a risk??? please help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2013): Hey if you got it you tell him and accept the good or bad reaction you receive. It wasn't his fault. If my boyfriend had it and he told me I would of dropped him fast. Sorry I don't want anything to do with past baggage. And be prepared you may get the same. good-luck...
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (27 May 2013):
 Hi OP. The chicken pox related skin condition is shingles. It's a related but different virus called varicella zoster. I really don't think you having chicken pox or shingles would result in a positive HSV2 test. Hopefully when you go back, it'll turn out to be a false positive and you're in the clear.
People can carry the HSV2 virus for years with no symptoms. I think you really should tell your partner (after confirming the diagnosis) and he should be tested as well. You say you're no angel but not promiscuous but it only takes an encounter with one person to be infected.
If your partner is infected, you won't know who gave it to who, but at least you'll know you can't re-infect one another. If you keep getting shingles outbreaks you could take prophylactic antiviral meds, which would also lower the chances of an outbreak of genital herpes. But it doesn't mean you won't spread it to a new partner.
The chances of you spreading it when you don't have an outbreak are slim, but still exist. You should tell your partner the truth, not a story about shingles. Let him have the blood test and take it from there. Don't let him get mad: research the statistics, let him know it can stay dormant in the body so you have no idea when you got it from or from whom, let him know how prevalent it is. Sit down and tell him quietly. Do it in a public park or something if you're afraid of his temper.
You're not "unclean", and it can be managed (not cured), but you have a responsibility to be honest. Fingers crossed the test results were wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your advice. Some one ask what type of Herpes it is and its HSV2 (genital). The Doctor does want me to come in for a second test. This happend before with another Std being a False Positive. Came back and took second test and was Negative!! I freaked out.
I also Suffer from a skin disorder that gives me blisters and boils underarms and sometimes all over. Also Chicken Pox as a child. I reseached that its all in the Herpes Family. I hope that the Anitbodies are from my body fighting the Biols I currently have. I never Had Blisters Down there or my Mouth.
Im thinking of telling him in that way, that I suffer from Biols for years now..before Sexually Active.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 May 2013):
 I think two things are necessary:
1. Have a re-check (another) of your blood work to confirm the Herpes diagnosis..... It's not unheard-of that a sample gets mishandled, misplaced... whatever ... and whatever is claimed proves not to be so.... It won't hurt to be double-sure.... then,
2. If repeat testing confirms that you are infected... then you MUST tell your sexual partner about it.... HOW you tell him is of little import....
Consider.... you've said that you and he resumed intimacies "this year"..... so, I would imagine that there's at least SOME chance that "ex" is the carrier started this.....(brought it to YOU)
Regardless who and how the virus came to be... you and he need to collaborate that you are (or may be) sharing this... and it needs to be understood and addressed in all your future doings...
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (27 May 2013):
 I have to cosign with Daisy all the way here.
Herpes is actually super common - like so common that more people carry the infection than don't, and a good number of people who have it don't know (and may never know) that they have it. So, if your ex should find he too has herpes, then it could have come from anyone who he didn't use protection with.
It's very important for you to figure out which strain that you have. Knowledge is power, and it'll help you have a better idea of how you may have contracted it as well as how to inform future partners about it in the future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): OP I just want to add, don't message him or leave a voicemail.
Do it in a call or face to face.
Not only is it more polite, but you also get to talk him down if he's angry and also it's not the best idea to give a guy written or recorded proof of you having an STI, especially if he's going to explode. At least let yourself have the plausible denial ability that comes from not giving him solid proof of something so personal, your voice or a message from your phone is not something you want which such a personal secret.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (27 May 2013):
 I would tell if I was in your shoes. I wouldnt sleep with him until then. If you think he will fight you don't do it in person. Call him leave a voicemail send a text. See what happens from there. Then after he gets message if voicemail or text he can have time to calm down. He could think first then contact you when he is ready to go further with the situation. You are right it's not like HIV or AIDS and I believe its curable but thats just my take on it. I would rather a person tell me on the phone text or voice mail. Cause like mentioned you never know peoples tempers or what there reaction may be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): Well it's rather simple OP, are you more scared of his temper when he suddenly finds a vicious cold sore on his knob out of nowhere or when he finds out from you?
Just tell him, it's his own fault for not using protection and guess what, you can still contract herpes even when using a condom. It can pass through condoms.
You can't have sex with him until you tell him, so he'll probably lose his temper if you refuse him sex and well shit OP, why are you having sex with a guy who you're scared of?
Just tell him, he's a big boy he can handle it and if he can't then why are you wasting your time with him?
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (27 May 2013):
 I would tell him, it's the right thing to do and as you say it doesn't mean either of you cheated so its annoying but it's not the end of the world.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (27 May 2013):
Can you ask whether the blood test differentiated between HSV1 and HSV2? HSV1 is more commonly associated with cold sores, and HSV2 with genital herpes.
If the blood test just detected herpes without narrowing down which type, well 75% of the adult American population would test positive because HSV1 is so prevalent. And 20% apparently have had an HSV2 infection (though that seems a bit high, it comes from http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/herpes_statistics.htm).
I'm guessing you've never had an outbreak of genital blisters or you'd have mentioned it.
I think you need to go back to your doctor and clarify whether you have the antibodies for HSV1 (oral) or HSV2 (genital). Though, to make it more complicated, HSV1 can cause genital blisters and vice versa.
Oh, your partner having OCD and being picky about his sexual partners doesn't mean he hasn't picked it up and given it to you. He could be carrying the virus unknowingly and given it to you.
Eventually you'll have to tell him but I'm not so sure that you're the one to 'blame' here. You had to get it from someone and it could well have been him.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (27 May 2013):
 You owe it to him, and every sexual partner you have, to be honest about this. Don't you wish someone had told you before sleeping with you and given you the choice of abstaining from sex for a while? Perhaps whoever you caught herpes from didn't know about it, and perhaps he did but was embarrassed and worried about your reaction so didn't say anything. Herpes isn't the end of the world but it's not nice either. I have oral herpes and if my immune system is low I get cold sores in the corners of my mouth. They are unsightly and they hurt. I wouldn't wish that on anyone else and I wouldn't want to be responsible for anyone else having to go through that. If I'm seeing someone when I have an outbreak I tell that person immediately and we don't kiss. It's not a big deal and I'm not embarrassed about it. I imagine genital herpes is much the same as oral. Tell him. If he is willing to have unprotected sex with someone he's not in a relationship with then he's willing to risk an STD. And sorry, but but what is that about? What excuse could you possibly have for not using protection? You've now experienced first hand what unprotected sex can do. Condoms don't protect from herpes as they are often on the skin around the genitals but there are plenty of other diseases they do protect against. He is obviously not that OCD and fussy about sleeping with people if he goes around having unprotected sex. If he were, he would be thinking that if he sleeps with you, you've slept with X number of people, who in turn have slept with other people etc etc. Take some responsibility and tell him. It doesn't matter who gave it to whom. Be on the lookout for symptoms and don't have sex with anyone if you are having an outbreak.
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