A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I was to late! The man who asked me to marry him ten years ago, has now had a baby with a new women. We text as friends, but i so wished it was me and not her who was with him. Im happy for them both, but it should have been me, having his baby. They had only been seeing each other a couple of weeks and we had arranged to meet in the new year.The day before i was meant to see him she said she was pregant!Hes texted me for 9 months and baby is born. How do i ajust and move on? should i stop texting him, hes my only emotional support, a gentleman and friend.
View related questions:
move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA big thankyou you Sadie Bea your answer was uplifting ,positive and understood me 100 percent! Thankyou.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bizzare thing is not only has the other ex who treated me bad got back in touch today! asking for another chance but also the 28 year old rugby player who peviously asked me out. Im not desperate to get married, its just my clock is ticking, women understand that. I wish i had 3 thousand pound then i could freeze my eggs untill a suitatble partner appeared. I am going on a date with the 28 year old guy, as a friend, sod it im a 36 year single women im gonna get out their and meet new people.Thankyou Sadie Bea- Your anwser was positive, gave me hope and pointed me in the right direction. Your a star!
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (9 September 2007):
 Time is not running out. If you look at it as being a time frame, you'll find someone, but out of urgency. Doing that will attract the wrong people. Take your time, don't just jump for whatever comes along. It's you're right to find happiness, but not at the expense of someone else's. I'm 36 too, divorced and loving it. If I find someone sometime to be with, it won't be because I'm overly anxious in looking. Too often we look for partners where others are looking too. Why not look where people aren't looking. I find many times if you look where people are looking, all you have is a hand full of horny people that once they get some, their satisfied and aren't looking again. There are people all over who are single, happy, but if the right person comes along, would accept and change to add someone special to their life.I hope everything works out for you. You seem like a nice person, and deserve to find the happiness you seek.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): For as long as you are still in contact with him, you cannot move on and find someone else. Having been through a similar thing myself, I talk from experience. He might be a lovely man, but he made the deicision to be in a relationship with another woman (he didn't need to - he could have been a father without the realtionship, so he obviously cares for her a great deal). He didn't marry her, and perhaps this is some reflection on his feelings. They may not last, he might be single in a year's time? But there are too many 'maybe's' with his situation. Do you really want to wait around and see what the future 'might' hold? Don't put him on a pedestal - put yourself on one instead. You are in a perfect position, although you don't see this yourself. You are a young woman, no children, no-one to have to consider or consult if you meet someone new. But you can't do this while you are emotionally attached. I also felt that, in my mid thirties, I was losing the chance to settle down and have children, but the people on this website soon put paid to those feelings and made me see that I was in a good position. You need to get out there, go to pubs and clubs, really live life to the full, concentrate on seeing your friends and making new ones - keep yourself busy. You're a young lady with no baggage...enjoy it until someone new comes along! When you've been married for 10 years and you've got three kids, you'll look back on your thirties wistfully, so make sure you enjoy these years. Best of luck XX
...............................
A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (8 September 2007):
 You say in your follow-up that you always put other people’s feelings before you. Stop doing this. Take a good look at your own feelings and decide to put them first. This does not mean to keep contacting your ex, no matter how kind he is. He is from the past and he has moved on to other choices. Now you must take good care of yourself, put past behind and move forward to find another kind man for yourself. You find him forward, not in the past. I know what you are going through right now; I have the exact same thoughts as I’m a 35 year old newly dumped with no children. It is tough, but don’t despair, don’t dwell on the past, do walk forward and don’t be afraid to meet new people. And put your own feelings and dreams up front, they matter a lot to you, they are just as important as others, and you must take good care of them!Wish you all the happiness!
...............................
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (8 September 2007):
You are not moving on to the goals you say you want. Stop contacting him and start contacting more eligible guys. He was not perfect and no one else is either. You just have to look them over and take the best one.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. It's just wonderful to know there are people out there who have taken the time to write.The reason i turned the marriage proposal down was because i was 25 then and too young, I'm now 36. This man helped me through a major trauma in my life. Unfortunaltely the relationship couldnt with stand such a major tragedy, i was so messed up. I went on to a another man who treated me bad for 6 years, this finished and later i got in touch with the kind ex who had helped me.We planned to meet up. He told me hed been seeing this girl but it wasnt serious, i said i didn't want to step on anyones toes, then she got pregnant, iwas heart broken. Weve have never met up, just texted about film interests and he has given me words of hope when i was at my lowest. If it wasnt for him , i dont think i would have bothered to carry on.They are not married, and i would never let him know how much this has hurt me, i want him to be happy. i will cut down the texts, in the hope of eventually giving him up.im so gutted.i feel alone and isolated. I'm losing a friend and soulmate by putting their happiness first. I'm not a bad person, and i do put other peoples feelings before mine, i just wish i could find a kind man for myself. My time is running out to get married, have a baby and a family, I'm 36.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): It may not seem like it to you but I think you are in a good situation. You are in a position where you are not doing anything wrong and you can move on from this. You rejected him before - if you were put back there do you think you would reject him again? I think it would not have been a happy marriage because of those doubts you had then. It seems you need to move to new areas of your life - i think you should let go of this one - I think you should reduce the texts and be grateful you didnt get into a mess with this realtionship - it sounds like you played your part correctly so far and you should be so happy for that - look to find new stimulus in your life elsewhere - leave them to get on with their lives and be grateful you kept it all morally sound. If you do anything else (and it would be very easy to do so but very difficult to reverse) you will be treading on very unsafe ground in my opinion that would lead to a great deal of unhappiness and regret. it is wonderful that you have a healthy happy relationship with them now and I hope that you agree it is better to keep it that way.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (8 September 2007):
You can't win them all. You can't go back and do a do over. Look elsewhere and you may just find something better.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 September 2007):
 You don't say why you didn't marry, but I suppose you turned him down. Otherwise, he would have married you. In my opinion, you must have had a good reason not to marry him. And, it's only when he has a baby that you picture a life with him. Perhaps you aren't happy with your life as it is now, and wish it were different?As to texting him, in my opinion, you should stop it if you want him to be anything more than your friend. If you can live with his new situation, which is not going to change, by the way, then you can continue to be his friend.Hope this helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 September 2007):
You need to stop texting him. You can't move on as long as your holding on so tight. We've all had someone we wish we were in the place of another. It's not the end not to be. It's convenient because of the relationship we'd all ready built with them, the emotional support they've provided, and it's easier to hold on to what we have, than to have to develop something new. All though he gave you support he doesn't create nor change your emotions. You own those. People can help us work through issues, but they don't change them, that's within our power of choice. We use them to reaffirm our choices. You'll find someone who you can find the same or better with, but make sure it's for love and not just for emotional support.
...............................
A
male
reader, merlyn +, writes (8 September 2007):
 some times we miss out on good things but that doesn't mean that better things aren't coming our way. regret is a disabling emotion sometimes. try not to dwell on what could have or should have been because it won't be. if you are truely happy for them then allow them to be happy together. married couples and single people don't mix and the emtions you are having is one of the many reasons why. if it were me i would 1 stop the contact between the two of you even if he insist or continueing tell him that emotionally you can't continue to do it. sometimes friends have to go their seperate ways to find out who they are as individuals and become self supporting emotionally, mentally, and become stronger as a person. while in doing that you never know who may meet or what you may findout about yourself.
...............................
|
