A
male
age
36-40,
*obL
writes:I was in a relationship with somebody for a year. Don't laugh, but it was only ever an online relationship. We talked on the phone, we talked every day on messengers, we had webcams, all of that stuff. Honestly, she was the first person I've ever loved, and don't give me the whole "How can you love someone you've never met?" because believe me, you can, I know this first hand.She broke up with me two and a half months ago, and I still think about her every single day of my life, without even meaning to, I just cannot get her out of my head. I still love her, but for reasons that have not been explained to me, she, now, hates my guts, and this is killing me.Tonight I went out looking for another girl (which I've never done before) and there was one who was pretty good looking. I was with a friend, she was with a friend, and I completely backed out of going over, I told my friend I just didn't have the confidence, which is true, I do lack confidence, but the real reason is because I'm still in love with somebody that hates my very existence.So my question is, what the hell am I meant to do? I love her, I want her, it's been nearly three months and I'm no closer to moving on, but she never wants to hear from me again, and it's tearing me apart.Many times I've thought about just going there, turning up at her house and taking it from there, but that's not really a good idea, right?What can I do....
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male
reader, RobL +, writes (18 April 2010):
RobL is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks a lot you guys, that was possibly the most friendly advice I've ever been given :) I know I'm not the only person to go through this, I tell myself that every day, so I still don't get how I can feel this way after so long when other people get through it faster. Perhaps I'm just weak, who knows, but I do thank you all for your words, there's more possible explanations than I thought, perhaps it really is best not to think about it.
I'm going to try and follow some of the advice here, no promises I'll do well, but I will try, and thanks all again, some real comforting words and good advice :) x
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (17 April 2010):
 You have to realize that you aren't the only one who has every faced this rather heart wrenching circumstance. Almost everyone in the world has been heart broken, and almost everyone in the world has felt the pain that you are going through right now. You are not alone. I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years, who was my first love, along with other things. The first two days after, I cried like a little girl, and then I told myself that after the week was up, I was no longer allowed to cry. So every day I got less and less upset, and surrounded myself with a group of people who really love me for who I am. They supported me and helped me get back on my feet.
That's what you have to do. Surround yourself with people who love you. Friends and family! Then force yourself to remember that these people really do care for you, unlike your ex. And think about that year that you took them for granted because you were too busy pouring your everything towards your girlfriend! You need to stop dwelling on what you don't have and start remembering what you do have, and what you WILL have. I know that finding someone else is the last thing on your mind right now, because you're still hung up on her, but there is definitely someone better out there who won't hate your guts and dump you out of no where. She will love you for who you are and want to be with you. And there's no better feeling in the world than that. :)
Every time you start a new relationship, it's better than the last, because you know what you DON'T want. So tell yourself that you're going to stop this craziness and that you've had your few months of feeling sad. Start remembering what you do have. Start living again. And start having fun with those who love you. Believe me, the more you do this, the faster you will heal. Start hanging out with other girls again. Your ex didn't want you, so why do you want her? She sounds kind of crazy, and you need to change your mindset about her. You'll find new love, and when you do, your ex won't matter anymore. It's hard to work through heartbreak, but I know you have the courage and the drive to do so. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010): Whoa man I know exactly how u feel. I was in the same situation for 3 years!! Never met her once due to age difference (I'm 21 and she just turned 17) but we were so in love and planned on getting married. This happened last month. I can't really say what is going on with her but I can give u a few perspectives. It's possible that she has met someone else which is keeping her from communicating with u since she's occupying her time. Also if u have been behaving desperate and needy that will turn her off and as a response appear angry and hateful towards u because she's being pushed further away. This is typical, she may also appear angry to give u a spiteful image of her so u can hate her and move on. I know my gf ended things with me harshly but I remained calm and yesterday she said she's been missing me. Take note that the dumper goes through grief too and one of the stages of grief is anger. She can also be portraying a hateful character to mask her feelings for u like my ex did.
Hope that clarifies some things. I suggest take time to focus on urself. Boost ur confidence, confidence is a key aspect in maintaining a relationship and do not contact her by any means. She'll come around, she did for me. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010): Reality is a hard thing to face and I myself have been in an online relationship so I can relate to how you feel.
So you don't have much answers from your ex. Well I can assure you that while you may deserve those answers, it may not be pleasing to the ear. Maybe she just doesn't love you anymore. Maybe she's found someone in real life to take care of her needs. Does it rly matter what the answer is though? Reality is that you 2 of you are not together anymore. The love you have of your ex is real but only one sided. The two of you are no longer together and you will have to accept that. After accepting it, you will have to tell yourself that life is not meaningless. In fact you are the 1 allowing yourself to recycle these memories of your ex. You will be free when you bring yourself to live in the present.
Move on. All isn't lost. Look at how great you felt when you were together. I assure you if you really believed in those feelings, you will know that you can experience that again and maybe next time it will even be better...can you imagine that? Can you imagine feeling better than when you were with your ex? It is possible, but that is up to you.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (17 April 2010):
 If she's willing to end all contact, than the term, "off balance" comes to mind. She uses relationships to fill a void that she's missing within her sense of self. We see this all the time in relationships. It's a form of living by dependency.
You may love her, but loving her may have to only include wishing her the best and hoping some day she finds what she's looking for, and that one day she's able to live as being a while person without having to rely on dependency to validate who she is.
At the same time, you deserve to find someone you can love and be with. This does not violate your love for her. Once you realize why you can't be with her physically, you'll understand you can find love and loving the other doesn't violate either. This is because each person is an individual. You can love them both for being unique and separate individuals. Just don't allow yourself to get into the confusion where you begin wondering if certain choices were made correctly. Or the "what if" phase. This can lead to heartbreak, and hurting those you claim you love.
I hope this helps.
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