A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI had an affair with a guy that works with me.We were friends for 2 years,then we started to have sex for 1 year then we stopped. Now we are friends again for 2 years. His last girlfriend left him because he cheated on her. Then he cheated on me with his current girl friend. Now I know that he was cheating his girl friend with another woman and also still aproaching me,in fact he never gave upon chat me up and I that made me very unconfortable as we had to work together and it was difficult. I was very much in love with him,he hurt me so much but I managed to get over him. Last week I was really upset with him as he was chatting me up again. I then decided to send from an anonimous e-mail a copy of the e-mail he was corresponding with new girl. The one he was cheating the current girl friend with. He came to work very upset and I don't know what is going on. Maybe she broke up with him. I have mixt feelings now. I feel guilty for what I have done as I feel I had no right, but in another hand, he deserved because he is a bastard and woould cheated in any woman he gets close to. He doesnot know the meaning of respect. I think even if she forgives him at least he might learn his lesson. What do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): He obviously has no respect for women. Ignore him that is the best medicine in this case.
As for the email message, he will not learn until he falls in love and experiences the things he's sown. Also, the email indicates that you have feelings for him and that you were possibly hurt because he cheated on you.
Cheaters never gain any respect. Deal with your past hurts so you can grow and have healthy relationships.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (23 July 2009):
 A user (of others) will always be a user. All of us do that to some degree, but some individuals are very callous about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): I'm more happy that you gave his new gf a heads up and reason to suspect him for cheating. I'm sure if the same happened to anyone out there, they would begin to be suspicious (if they aren't already).
Will he learn his lesson? Most likely not. As long as women say yes to him and fall into his trap, what does he care. But as you can see, karma is a bich and sooner or later, things catch back up to one's bad deeds. When they are alone...miserable...without someone to care for them, then someone like him would have learnt his lesson.
I think you did the right thing, but saving this woman's heart from wasting time.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (23 July 2009):
Just cut it out. If you like it this way then stay in by all means. But you have no room to complain or wonder if he complained if your allowing him to cheat on anyone with you. To answer your question though. No he hasn't learned his lesson guys like this never do. As long as there are women who are willing to encourage him by sleeping with him then he will do it. Don't know if I can say anything else without being hurtful. Thanks
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A
female
reader, alwaysreadyandwilling  +, writes (23 July 2009):
 I think if you like em married you should go to the married but looking dating sites and stop being bitter. If you like you could even try free chatrooms. Look innocent but you will get a few compliments to cheer you up. Takes me back to a woman who said she was single,so she accidentally let slip that she wasnt. I asked her and she said well thats what i fill in on my dss form. Talk about laugh. You cant beat em all. I was only there for one thing so i didnt mind. A bit older than me but talk about wham bam thankyou. she still sends the odd text now. What i am tryin to say is if you cant get over one get under another one.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (23 July 2009):
First, this person is an empolyee and you need to stay out of his personal life. If you can't seperate your past from the present you really need to seperate the two of you. If your opperation is a small one that's going to be hard.
If this person is worth having as an employee, and he's making you moeny, why get into his personal life and screw it up? If he's not making you money, why does he work there?
Odds are really good that he'll never learn his lesson, he'll just get too old to continue to attract women. This history of cheating indicates a "need" for something that he's not finding... what he likely needs is a freind to be a freind and call him (to his face) on his actions.
While the act at the time might have felt justified, hurting someone is usually painful enough that the joy wears off really fast... good luck.
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A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (23 July 2009):
Am I on one, but doesn't it take two who are you to judge him when you have been sleeping with him knowing he had someone at home. Could be that you are just jealous and mad because he didn't pursue more of a relationship with you. You have stuck your nose in someone's relationship and probably ruined it. Yes he is a dog it sounds like but this really wasn't your call baby girl and what will you do if he finds out your the one that sent the email then what. Don't get me wrong the girlfriend deserved to know but you maybe should have has somebody other than you to deliver the news. I hope this doesn't back fire on you, why do you feel so guilty if you thought you were so right.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (23 July 2009):
 What do we thnk about what exactly ? I think you should mind your business leave this man alone and cut him off, no need to feel guilty now it wont change the situation just move on stop chatting with this guy cut him out of your life and butt out of his
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): I think you had a hand in starting this whole debacle by getting with a dude who had a gf. Or you had a bf... or both. Since you took part in the "initial" cheat, I don't see how you have a right to be surprised at his actions.
As to sending the anonymous email: Sounds like spite justified as something else.
But whatever, what's done is done. It sounds like this guy is not going to change. Some silly email sent to mess up the works isn't going to change him either. He's a cheat. Through and through. He will just be more careful not to get caught, that will be the "lesson" he takes from this.
We are not just talking one time here. He has faithfully cheated on every gf you mentioned him having, including you. And that's just what you know about. Wake up.. this guy sounds like George Clooney from Burn After Reading.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): I think you are arrogant,selfish and couldnt give a toss about anyone but yourself. Its a shame you havent learned your own lesson.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): I think all of you involved in this crazy circle of his cheating need counseling! He is mess and no woman in her "right mind" should give him the time of day.
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