A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,(Sorry, this is a long one, but I feel that each factor is important)I'm 20 and have been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years. We are currently in our 3rd year of university. Anyways, last Summer I spent 3 months of it in my home country to be with my family as my family as I haven't seen them in years. That 3 months was the longest that I had ever been away from him.The first month I was missing him (not as much as I thought I would though).In the second month I was enjoying myself more and more.In the third month I started talking to my brothers friend. I had met him years ago and he has always been around as he lives with my brother, but we had never really got to talk properly. I didn't go looking for someone to spend so much time with, it just kind of happened...Anyways, it ended up we had SO much in common. He is basically a boy version of me! In the last week I was there I had kissed him though =(... I guess I had fallen in love with him while I was there...I feel absolutely horrible about this and have told my boyfriend of course, to which he is now not trusting, but still willing to be with me.I have told him that I don't know if I love him as much as I did now (I had told him this prior to leaving too, I have been 'bored' with the realtionship for quite sometime), but I never thought I would be able to find anyone else that would love me.I have told my boyfriend everything about how I feel. He says he loves me more then anything, but he doesn't want me to be sad. We are all each other has at the moment as we moved cities to go to university and hadn't made any friends (I feel like that is due to the relationship.) I really don't want to hurt him, but I don't want to forever be thinking that I've wasted my life and that things could of been better. I feel like I'm with him because it would mean he would be alone until he finds friends or someone else (if he ever would find someone else)If I were to stay with him I would probably be more financially stable, but bored.The new guy and I have already talked about what would happen if I was to be single and he has said that he would even move to the country I am in just to be with me... He has told me that he has never loved anyone as much as he loves me and that he doesn't think he could ever love anyone as much as he loves me and that I'm his perfect girl. He also says that he is happy for me to stay with my boyfriend as he just wants me to be happy. He feels horrible for what we have done and has even said sorry to my boyfriend. He is also an amazingly nice guy and would also do anything for me, even getting ridiculed from my brother and all their friends as they think he loves me and just to spend a car ride with me (being ridiculed from that bunch isn't something to be snickered at). I have continued to talk to him after coming back, to which my boyfriend is getting annoyed about and has even told me to stop, which I have. I, however, have not stoppped thinking about the new guy since I have been back.If I were to be with him I feel my life would be more fun, but probably not financial stable.Other factors:- I want to move back to my home country regardless of being with this new guy or not as I miss my family a lot!- My boyfriend is willing to move to my home country with me, if I want him to.- We have bought a house together- My boyfriend is the only person I have ever been with. Before me he had two sexual girlfriends which even from the start had made me upset/ jealous that he has had the chance to experience others (if that makes sense.- For years I have been saying that I feel like I grew up from a fun 15 year old to a settled down 16 year old. I feel like I have missed out on living by being with my boyfriend.- I haven't gotten sexually excited with my boyfriend in about a year or so, but even just talking and hanging out with the new guy had got me extremely excited. Anyways, I guess I need some advice on what I could do, I am so confuzed at the moment.Thank you.
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female
reader, Red591  +, writes (20 March 2013):
 Live life first. I want you to know that it is possible someone will do this to you too one day, so if you are willing to drop the comfortable shoe for the heels then make sure you can cope, if it happens to you.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 March 2013):
I second what Iamheretohelpyou said.
You have had only one experience with love and it began when you were a kid. You can't fall in love in a few weeks. So don't go dropping everything to be with this guy.
You may not realize this yet but people are often putting on a show when they first meet someone. At this point you have no idea what this guy is really like.
I also agree that your relationship with your boyfriend has run its course. There is no reason to settle for someone that doesn't make you happy. Break up with him gently.
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A
male
reader, ironman777 +, writes (28 February 2013):
Hi - I think you have done a good job of thinking things through with this email - reading it I think you know that your current relationship is over and you are already trying to move on.I suggest that while it will be hard sorting out the relationship and the house, ultimately you need to do this as quickly as possible and don't prolong the process. Short and sharp is always better than feeling sorry on again off again. Your boyfriend sounds very clingy, and he is able to forgive you kissing another guy?!? Its it obvious to him that the relationship has run its course.If he doesnt get it, you need to tell him in a firm and consistent manner your thoughts and reasons and then move on with your life.I think you will find someone else - maybe in NZ or back in your home country.Good luck!!
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