A
male
age
30-35,
*euce
writes:So My question is pretty simple; so me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 2 months. We both just got out of longer term relationships of 3 years and we are very happy in the relationship we have now. The problem is she always is texting her exboyfriend all the time. I mean for example we were sleeping and her phone went off in the middle of the night and it was him, of course what does she do but respond this goes on for 10 minutes and then she stops. Another example; we went out was having a good night and on the drive home she texted him. They are good friends which i understand you will text someone every now and than but it seems like she has no filter on when she should finally put her phone down and just spend time with me.Of course the arguement goes something like well you text all the time also; not as much as you do kind of thing.So how do i settle this issue once and for all so that we dont have to have this fight again? and am i being more protective of her because it is her exboyfriend that she seems to be texting the most?Thanks for your help
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female
reader, metalheadmom +, writes (7 December 2010):
 Personally, I do not like anyone texting anyone when they are with me, and I have no problem saying it's rude and I do not like it. If they continue to do it anyway, that will be the last time they go out with me. Maybe that sounds harsh, but I value my time and always want to make the best of it. You both are playing the "well YOU do so I can too" game, which obviously will get neither of you anywhere. Sit her down and tell her that unless it is an emergency like her family or her boss, that cell phones are turned off during your time together - that means you too mister. If that is too hard for her to do, or she gets defensive, then you might consider finding a new more mature girlfriend.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (7 December 2010):
 OP, ultimatums don't work in relationships. Sorry Jessypj, but they really don't.
Relationships are about compromise. Ultimatums aren't compromise, they are "My way or the highway." If you issue an ultimatum, be prepared to set off down that highway alone.
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A
female
reader, Jessypj  +, writes (7 December 2010):
Hey,
I think alot of people experience this problem nowadays , including me with my ex. He was always texting his ex and loads of other girls all the time even when I was with him!
you need to give her an ultamatum either she stops texting him so much and doesn't text him at all when she's with you, or you leave her.
Sorry but I think it's the only way she'll know how you truly feel about it x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): I know exactly how you feel and this happened to me once. It could be very irritating and worrying at the same time that you think something is going on between them but I don't there is. I think you should tell her that she needs to back off from her phone once in a while as it shows that she seems to be getting carried away a little bit. Also, say it in a way for her to understand, not in a way that would show that your being over-protective over her. Tell her your saying this because you care about her and that spending time texting all the time, especially her ex-boyfriend is not valuable from the time you spend together. Ask her what's more important: Your relationship or texting? This might get the message across to her and may do some change between you two. Hope this helped!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (7 December 2010):
I think the fact that it's her ex that she's texting does play into how you're feeling about this.
Your best bet to avoid conflict here is to talk this out. Tell her that it bothers you how much she texts with her ex. That you understand he's her friend, but middle of the night texts lead you to believe that his intentions may be more than friendly. Tell her you don't want to fight about it and that you trust her. You just want her to set some boundaries on texting with him and that she tell him when he crosses those boundaries. Ask her if your texting other people bothers her and if there is anything she wants you to change. Find the compromise.
The key to a discussion like this being successful is to treat it like a conversation about the weather. Even keel and calm. Say that this is important to you, and rather than fighting about it, you want to talk so you can compromise.
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