A
female
age
30-35,
*mandanash
writes:I am having a terrible university experience! All the people i know that go to university are having a great time and love it. I find myself very lonely and sometimes not enjoying what im taking either. I'm a music student and though i love music, always debate whether what im doing is right. I thinking of transfering to another school after this year passes and trying it all out again. What should I do to combat the loneliness?
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female
reader, mervy  +, writes (8 August 2010):
 the good thing about music is everybody in the course already has a common interest, and if it's your first year at uni, bets are there are a lot of people in the same boat. if you go to sectional rehearsals for ensembles etc. then try to buddy up with your fellow instrumentalists - maybe try to organise a study group for theory, or practice tech syllabus. music can be pretty demanding practice-wise, so joining clubs isn't always easy - but going out to gigs etc. can be. if you're in a smallish music scene then you might start to see people you know out at gigs and concerts. on the other hand, do any of your friends study on the same campus as you? sometimes you need to take a break from the people you go to all classes with. unfortunately you have to give the relationships time to develop - but as somebody said earlier, seeing a counsellor can help you out too, that's what they're there for!good luck!mervy.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (8 August 2010):
 I was very disappointed at university, and it seemed like everyone else had found their place, and I was all alone but trust me things aren't what they seem.
I would give it a chance, if you're new to university then sometimes things just take time.
I went to a four-year college here in the states and I spent my senior year in Mexico.
Here in the states, I never really did feel accepted and I had very few lasting friendships... after three years of being miserable I left and went to college in Mexico.
My first few weeks in Mexico I was really lonely and sad because I hadn't made friends yet, and the year abroad I looked forward to seemed to be passing me by... my mum kept telling me to return to the states, but I waited and gave it time and then all the magic started happening, just like I knew it would, I'm so glad I stayed. I'm going back to Mexico soon to teach EFL.
Sometimes you're truly in the wrong place, and sometimes you're in the right place, but you don't know it yet and just have to be patient. Time will tell... don't bail out now, wait a semester, and if you're truly miserable, then look into a transfer. Life is too short to be miserable.
Tell an RA or counsellor how you're feelings; chances are they know someone who is lonely and needs a friend too =)
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A
male
reader, rivi  +, writes (8 August 2010):
Follow the advice in the posts below.No point in changing schools - that would be a time wasting distraction.You must have some interests or hobbies which lend themselves to joining a like-minded interest group ? Can you live in a college Dorm in the upcoming term ? Arrive early and greet new neighbours arriving and invite them for tea / drinks / whatever in your room. Form a group to go to dinner together.Making friends is unlikely to just 'happen' : you can however devise simple mechanisms for forcing yourself to meet new people. At start of term parties force yourself to approach a number of people you don't know and say 'Hello.. ..may I introduce myself and ask your name ?' and so on. Try and exchange cell numbers..... and if you get a spark of mutual interest follow up with invitations to dinner / pizza / DVD in your room or whatever.Long story short : don't just wait on it happening : prepare a plan of campaign for meeting a dozen new people in your first few days back at school in September.
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A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (8 August 2010):
 Hi Amanda,
I haven't been to uni, but I did move well away from my family and friends at 18 to start a new life, I was lonely and missed, not only my family, but the old me too, I hated watching comedy's on tele as I found laughing alone really really sad!!!!
Finally I realised I had to change, so I started to integrate myself into the community, I joined a ceramics club, that reminded me how to converse and be more open, from there I started to go to the gym to an Aerobic class, never made friends there, but the endorphins made me feel better, and then finally, twice a month I went out to the bowling alley with the girls from ceramics, then onto the local pub, slowly I started to see that people liked being around me, so when I stayed in, I stayed in coz i chose to, I wasn't lonely anymore, coz I had options, and I could laugh again alone, without feeling like a saddo, lol.
Have a look around, see what is available for you to do in what little spare time you get, also start studying at the library, or in a coffee house, common room, (student lounge) go anywhere where there are people.
Things wont improve, unless you make it happen.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, BAMMM +, writes (8 August 2010):
 I have just finished my first year at university and i felt the same way as you! so i know what your going threw.I think at uni, it seems like everyone is having this "amazing time" but you would be suprised how many people are not! My friends all seemed like they were enjoying uni so much but when i talked to them about my experience, they all owned up to feeling lonely.If you want to change course, then do so!Also, if you are lonely, i suggest you join sports teams, maybe form a band (as you like music) or take up a new hobby!also, socialize more, go to parties, be friendly with people who you live with and people who are on your course.Also, get a part time job at a bar or shop. Just a few hours per week so as not to interupt your studies, but so you can meet new people also.I would recommend telling your friends and family how you feel as they can help you get through it. good luck!
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A
female
reader, Seshen +, writes (8 August 2010):
 I am going through the exact same thing. When I got to university I was seriously disappointed. Luckily I have a boyfriend that goes to school with me.
The best thing to do is just to be as friendly and helpful in all of your classes as possible. Are there any activities around campus you can join? Perhaps there are some clubs or student groups?
And on the debating matter, that will happen for a long time. It takes lots of time and work (and money!) to really figure out what you want to do.
Plus, I have hated the majority of my classes. This happens very often in the first and second year. It all takes time and effort.
I wish you all the best! Just keep going at it.
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A
female
reader, jrunlucky +, writes (8 August 2010):
 dont be shy, get out there and talk to people who have the same interests that you do. sometimes changing environments do help you to let loose (even for a little bit). try to take as many clubs and other such things as you can.
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