A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i no you probably think I am being stupid, but I am such a worrier!! i have been tempted to cheat on my partner (a year ago)! has most people if not everyone in long term relationships been tempted to cheat at least once? and would this be something your partner would need to know? Id just like some advice please.ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we are very happy. he is such an honest person about so many things in life. Do you think if a man was to be tempted (an honest man), but didnt actually cheat, he would tell his partner?i got on very well with this man (i was tempted with) on this nite - we chatted lots and i actually had to say to him, 'im going to have to leave before i do something i regret', and i did leave- bit in appropriate to come out and say i no, but i was drunk!Should i let this go, stop worrying cuz wot is a relationship without some TABOO subjects / secrets? please help, i need to get this outa my head!!thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): yea if you truly love and appreciated what you have you wouldnt cheat, is it worth the risk?
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (28 May 2009):
 There is an interesting scientific theory about the 2-3 year 'hump' and not uncommon desire to either cheat or look for someone else at that moment. I don't know if it's correct or not, but it's plausible.
The theory states that we naturally tend to lose some sexual interest in our partner after 2-3 years together, if no children have been born.
Why? Because, in a 'normal' situation, if a couple has been having sex for 2-3 years and there is no child, then there is probably something wrong. Either one or the other is infertile, or the combination just doesn't quite work.
Given this, it's perfectly natural to start to look elsewhere. After all, this relationship isn't 'working' (in a biological sense) and hence finding another one is a good idea. Darwin in action.
Until recently, this was the case. A couple would get married, have sex and quickly have children. This has been normal for tens of thousands of years of human evolution.
However, in modern life, we've rather complicated this by inventing contraception. Now a perfectly compatible and fertile couple can be together for years and not have children. The result is that the natural biological urge to look elsewhere kicks-in even when there is nothing wrong.
In other words: by messing with 'nature' via contraception, we're confusing our biology. It's giving us a false negative.
Knowing this doesn't make the feelings change, but it's good to understand that it doesn't necessarily there is anything wrong with your relationship, other than the misguided natural reflex based on a misreading of your combined fertility. ie, the 'problem' underlying this isn't really a problem at all.
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (28 May 2009):
 Whatever you do don't tell your boyfriend....as this will casue worry for him that you might cheat etc
i think its normal being in a long term relationship that you get tempted......after being with someone ages you dont get that new and exciting feeling you get when you meet someone new, thats prob what you got with this new guy you was tempted by, don't worry about it to much, its normal to fancy other men to, were only human......if you want to carry on seeing this man u met then yes you have a problem but you have done nothing wrong at the moment, so just move on from it.....
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A
male
reader, rocknroll  +, writes (28 May 2009):
If you love your partner and your partner gives you what you need, then you shouldn't cheat.
If a man loves his partner and his partner gives him what he needs, there is no reason to cheat and risk loosing what you have.
If you love your partner, but find he doesn't gve you what you need, then you need to talk to your partner about it and work out a mutual agreement as to what will or won't happen.
It might be possible that there is something in your past that drives you to others that results in a temporary satisfaction of a fantasy. In which case, you should see a psychotherapist to explore your past.
Keeping secrets from your partner is like playing russian roulet. A partnership cannot survive if you keep important things from each other, or have fantasies that will eventually temporarily seperate the two of you.
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