A
female
age
36-40,
*ittykat87
writes:I'm sick of thinking about this guy and I would like some advice on the situation!I have seen a guy a couple of times now and at first I was happy for it to be a bit of fun. But now I actually quite like him, but I have no idea on how he feels about me! On the one hand he seems to like me, he always insists on picking me up and driving me home (about a half hours drive), he refuses to let me pay for anything when we are out, he came out for my birthday and met my friends....these are just a few of the signs that I'm getting that he acutally might like me.But then on the other hand I can tell he is a total player...he has girls calling him all the time, one in particular keeps telling him she loves him even though they split up a few months ago, and his facebook is full of girls (most of whom are posing in next to no clothes). From seeing these girls profile pics, I think I'm not his type either - all these girls pretty much look like porn stars or glamour models. Now I'm not particularly insecure about my looks and I never have trouble getting guys, but this guy is particularly gorgeous and these women he seems to be friends with are amazing looking, not quite like little old me who is 5ft 3 and pretty curvy! Other things that make me think he is not into me is that he always says he will only settle down when he meets the right girl (in his words a girl that isnt crazy seen as he thinks most women are crazy). So is that a hint that he might think I might be the right girl? Or is that a hint that he is not ready to settle down yet?I guess I'm not ready to settle down yet either (I'm only 22) but I can see me having a relationship with this guy. We have lots of fun together and I enjoy his company, the sex is great and I am very attracted to him. So I am wondering how I can show him I am maybe interested in more than sex without scaring him off? He is definately a commitment-phobe sort of guy (he is 28 and hasnt had a long-term relationship for a few years, he seems to just date girls for a couple of months and then get bored) so I know that if I come out and just tell him I like him and I want this to be more than just sex he will run a mile!Ideally I would like him to just spend more time with me and realise how great I am (Haha I wish!) but he seems to hold back and keep himself distant - is there anything I can do? Or is he a lost cause, an eternal bachelor that will carry on enjoying many different women all his life?! Should I just give this more time and wait to see what happens? Reading this back I sound completely neurotic, like a typical girl! I never get like this, and I rarely question myself over something so much! I guess this is why I know he is a bit different to other guys - normally I dont really care what happens with a guy and I am pretty laid back but with him things are different! I am driving myself mad thinking about him all the time and thinking about what I can do to make this work!Thanks in advance!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): wow, you know he's a player and you are already sleeping with him in the first couple of dates? Although he is taking you out on dates, the comment about meeting the "right" girl is a classic player line. He has short term written all over him but enjoy it while it lasts is the best I can come up with. He's used to girls wanting more than sex and I think he probably has a good idea that you want more so don't bring it up. Don't have big expectations of this, that it will last longer than a couple of months (thats his pattern) or you'll get hurt. Also, the fact he's already bringing up how he doesn't commit and you've just met him is a good indication he's not going to commit, like he's giving you a heads up. This is probably why you are so obsessed- the unavailable thing, a lot of women fall for that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): What stands out to me is that you say the girls on his facebook are like "supermodels", and that they are nothing like you. That says to me that there must be something very appealing about you which he likes! If you are right, and he does have a certain "type", then why is he with you? It must be more than physical...that's what I think anyway!
I don't think it's very nice of him to be looking at other girls though, but you obviously know the kind of guy he is, and accept that, which is fine. Maybe he would actually like to spend more time with you too, although I doubt he would come out with it and tell you!
As for that comment about settling down when he meets the right girl, again it could mean different things. He could be hinting that you aren't that girl, or he could be hinting that you are. I understand your dilemma though, because direct questioning would probably have him running a mile!
So maybe you could just suggest doing some things together, which might not necessarily include sex. If he seems keen to agree, then that would suggest that he does like you for more than just sex. But if he just seems to be after a good time, then I think it is up to you to decide whether you are happy to stay in the situation with him, knowing that it might not lead to much more than some fun, or whether you would prefer to find someone else who will be more serious about a relationship. It depends on how you feel about this.
I hope something here has helped. x
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