A
female
age
36-40,
*ookie2shoes
writes:Hey! I met a guy about 11 months ago and from day 1 he came on very strong, telling me only after 2 weeks he felt love for me, he smothered me and completely lusted over me, this completely freaked me out understandably so i regected his effections (maybe i could of been nicer about it) and carried on as normal. Anyway as time went on i continued to flirt with him and i slowely developed feelings for him, he was so funny and charming, he really worked hard at pulling me in!!! Well as soon as he had my attention he became more cocky less attentative etc... he would ask me out but never actually take me or bring it up again, he did this a few times, then one time he said ''yeah, lets go for a coffee or something but not yet, when i get back from my hol'' So all of this made me want him more and it ended up me being the pursu, or this is how it felt, i suddenly felt i was now trying to pull him in. Inbetween this thing we had we would occasionally have black periods where we would fall out over nothing, or he would just acuse me of something and then we wouldn't talk for about 3 weeks, for example...he would be showing me something at work, i wouldn't understand what he meant and we would start rowing maybe because i'd get a little defensive because i don't want to look silly infront of someone i like but he can be so snappy and inpatient, it makes me nervous! Anyway so these black periods happen all the time then we become friends again for a while and then fall out again and it's something i really try to avoid as i hate rowing with him, i just want to be with him so i feel he starts the argument, maybe on purpose?? not sure why he does this. After around 9 months we did finally go out!! We got quite close and things started to look like something was going to happen, i went away for a while after the date and while i was away he texted me saying how much he missed me etc... When i got back things were orchward and didn't take off where we left things at all, we had another fall out over rubbish and now he doeswn't even give me eye contact, talk to me or anything, what have i done that is so bad, shorly if you like someone you don't do this, do you? Do i just say to myself ''he's just not that into me?'' and move on? If he didn't have feelings though he would just treat me normally woudn't he? Or does he just hate me? I just can't think what i've done that is so bad for him to just completely ignor me. Do some guys treat girls like this when they can't handle their feelings? By the way he is 38 and i am 24, so you would think he would treat me with a little more respect and act more like a man...no? Tell me the psychology behind this type of behaviour man!!! One of my guy friends said that sometimes when a man likes a woman they can be nasty for no reason and not evn they can say why, they just can't handle their emotions around that person. Is this just BS to make me feel better?!!! Thanks xxx
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at work, flirt, move on, period, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, LoviesBrknHeart  +, writes (26 December 2009):
that my friend is Pre-Emotional Abuser Activity... I've gone thru the exact same thing... and after he started makng jokes at my expense ... And ditching me after my miscarraige without any support or consoling ...I sent him to Hell ...run girl.. RuN!!!
A
female
reader, pookie2shoes +, writes (23 December 2009):
pookie2shoes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to mention that he's said to me in the past things like...''i would love you to be the mother of my kids!'' ''i love you'' and other intense things like this!! Which baffles me because for someone who says they love me so much so soon, can as quickly turn and be so nasty. He gave everyone a christmas card at work but not me, sooooo childish, but it still hurt, as if i was giving out christmas cards i would of been an adult about it and done him one anyway, despite our circumstances because i'm an adult forgoodness sake, and it's christmas...good will and all that!! He is still continuing to ignor me...just want to know what i have done that is so bad?? Also i didn't sleep with him, we kissed once but thats all.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (22 December 2009):
 I agree with your friend hes proabably being mean because he likes you but he needs to gro up, but when he was being nice you werent into him. You kno i admit im mean to girls i like not all but certain ones I notice alot of women if they realise you like them they will take advantage of it and if your really into a chick your powerless against her, so you have to just have a policy of being a complete jerk toward her. But this guy seems like he doesnt want to allow him self to fall for you to deeply for what ever reason if you like him you can try convincing him hes safe with you. But i suggest you stop worrying about this guy he needs to get shit str8 you got your own problems you dont need his extra drama no man should be causing a girl this mutch drama. let him ignore you its his loss
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): This is classic experienced player tactics.
We call it push- pull in dating, the idea is to make the girl chase us.Do the research online.You will find I'm right.
A player will keep trying different angles to get you.
I would bet he has a string of girls that you don't know about.
He has you questioning your value.This relativly raises his perceived value.
Wow I think it's funny that the ladies don't get it.
I felt sorry for you, though I shouldn't be giving away our secrets, sorry guys.
We are not all like that.That's players, love you - leave you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): http://www.relationshipatoz.com/emotionally-unavailable-man.htm
Try reading this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): May be there is a logic behind it, may be there isn't. What important here is not to look for any logical explanation at all, but to understand if you really need someone in your life like this man.A man who wouldn't take you out, a man, who ignores you, a man who keeps on fighting w/you over nothing, a man who wouldn't communicate to keep you all confused.A man who acts in not a very logical way, sending you mixed messages.Do you really need someone like that in your life?? Do you want to keep on guessing and trying to explain his behavior? Energy that you put into this can be used on finding someone who is easy to read, who is predictable in a good way, who will be honored to take you out, and may be one day will be a father of your children. That what a smart woman would do, and you sound smart enough. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 December 2009):
He's looking for attention. But he's not doing it in a nice way, so he's not worth the time. He seems to like the thrill of the chase, then the thrill of keeping you under his thumb. To cut it all short, you can do better.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (21 December 2009):
 It sounds like BS.
As for his motivations, revenge? Nah... It sounds a bit like how abusers work, but without the abuse. Abusers go in a pattern, very nice and friendly then the beating then very nice and friendly again to make up for it and then the beating again.
This sounds a bit similar, he came on very hard when he had to win you, but as he won you over, his affections cooled right off. He certainly seems to switch a bit to much between extremes. From smothering to ignoring.
And you are seduced by it, which might also be a simpler explanation. Smothering didn't get your panties off, ignoring seems to work better. Maybe he just switched tactics?
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