A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last summer, my boyfriend (lets call him T) and I had to be long distance for about 3 months because of school. During those months, his ex got back in contact with him. Now, T met this girl on some social networking site. At the time, she was living in Nevada (he was living in North Carolina). He told me they used to talk all the time and they even talked for 24 hours straight once when he was sick. He told me he used to be so in love with her and he thought she was the one. She eventually move to NY with her boyfriend and his family but he continued to talk to her and have romantic feelings for her. Suddenly, she stopped talking to him and they lost contact.Fast forward a few years later, he met me. We fell in love and have been together for 1.5 years. So last summer, when she started talking to him again, he told me about it. He told me she contacted him through facebook and was trying to "get back together" even though she was still in a relationship with the same guy. T wanted to keep talking with her. That hurt me... I told him I didn't like it and to stop talking to her. He refused. We had a big fight over it, but he eventually stopped.So now, 6 months later, I was looking through his phone and I found that she had texted him... and he texted back. It was small talk but it still hurt me... I talked to him about it but he just brushed it off as nothing.What should I do? What does this mean? Advice please.
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male
reader, CJH  +, writes (16 December 2010):
 Largentsgirl is spot on.The one thing shes missed is the fact that you feel the need to look throught this guys phone! Thats not healthy at all is it? OK so its allowed you to catch him out but to feel the need to do it in the first place goes a long way to showing that you simply dont trust the guy.With that in mind, unless you DO feel you can trust him, you may as well just give up right here and now. Theres nothing worse than thinking something is going on all the time. It will just erode the relationship more and more over time.Youre right in insisting that contact with this ex stops. If he can concinve you that it wont happen again fine. If he cant? The arguments will go on and the end wont be too far away.Sit him down and talk openly about the future of the relation ship - dont ignore this - its crucial.
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (16 December 2010):
 You know I really dislike social networking sites, which is why I don't have one anymore.
1. They have never met and probably never will. She has a bf and he has a gf.
2. He needs to stop talking to her because it is hurting you and he should care more about you than some girl he has never met.
3. Why can't he stop talking to her? What do they talk about that is so important that he can't cease communication with him.
4. Why is she contacting him now after all of these years and does she know that he is with you?
5. Would your bf be comfortable if you were doing the same thing?
I would talk to him again. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable that he is talking to her, especially given their past with each other and regardless of the fact that she has a bf, he has a gf (you) and I would ask him why he can't stop talking to her. I wouldn't be okay with my bf talking to someone like that that he has a past with. IF it was some chick that he had never met, never talked sexually to and someone he wasn't attracted to,that would be a different story.
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