A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony aunts,Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I have an inner conflicts that is troubling me. Me and my husband are planning a one-month trip to the USA, and i have a two year old which i will leave back home with my mother. Is it right for me to do that? Should i take her with me? I keep getting the feeling of guilt. I have tried traveling with her and its very hard to control her at that age, she kept getting sick and the trip turned out to be a "trip to the doctor." I really need advice. And plus will that affect her since she is two years old and is used to us by now? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Not such a great idea. She is only 2, and 30 days are a looong time at her age. If it were maybe a weekend, or 3 days... but starting with one month if she has never been separated from you- no, it's too much.
Between 2 and 3 it's when the kids start detaching spontaneously ,physically and psychologically, from their parents, and begin being curious about exploring, about new places, new people- but they are very ambivalent, they are as excited as scared about any change from what's familiar, and the " push forward " is balanced by a big pull back , with the need for the physical comfort and reassurance of their mother's presence.
It's best to introduce any change slowly and gradually- same as they do in ( good ) day cares and nursery schools, after all. You don't just plop the kid there and pick him up at closing time right off the bat. You do it in installments, and yes it's a lengthy, inconvenient process but it's the best way .
It does not mean that if you NEED to leave your toddler all day long in day care, or NEED to take a business trip and leave him / her to a relative, the kid necessarily will grow up unhappy, dysfunctional and messed up. But, if you can avoid unnecessary long separations, it's better.
Also, isn't she part of your family ? Why should be excluded by HER family 's vacation ? Because it's inconvenient, because small children cramp your style and reduce your freedom ? They surely do- but then perhaps it should be better postponing long trips until the kids are a bit older. A 6 or 8 y.o. girl will probably be GLAD to get rid of her parents for one month and let her grandma spoil her rotten :) but, that's not the way they take it at 2 years of age...
A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Sorry to sound so blunt but you really should have got this travelling bug out of your system before you started a family. Why on earth a mother would wish to be separated from her 2 year old daughter for so long is beyond me.
I guess you're not very maternal but try thinking of the child's welfare before your own galavanting. Think about it from your daughter's point of view - she is, after all, barely out of babyhood.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (16 May 2011):
Only if she has a good relationship with your mother.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): My parents were both in the Navy and there were times in my early childhood where their deployments (6 months overseas) overlapped. My two brothers and I, all of us under 6 years old at the time, would stay with our grandma for a couple months at a time. We are none the worse for it. Hope this eases your mind a bit :)
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