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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm looking for advice aunts. I've never kissed a guy before and I don't think anyone wants to. I'm kind of getting old and looking it and feeling it too. I feel too ugly and fat, and its not so much the fat cos i know i usually lose it quickly. its my age.I'm not sure what to do, I dont think it will ever happen, I dont think people like me, I'm not someone who people like now, though i used to be. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (18 February 2012):
You need to go out, and live your life. You'll find someone who loves you the way you are.
Men have unique tastes in respect of women, so you'll probably find someone that matches with you.
You are not too old. Imagine yourself being 99, would you think you are too old?
A
male
reader, honestman +, writes (17 February 2012):
There is hope for you. You just need to find the right man for you. You don't want a jerk or a player, you want a honest and nice guy.
I don't think you're old. In that case, I should dump my girlfriend because she is 27.
Y
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (4 February 2012):
 People liked you before.. so what was you doing, and what changed to make you into such a negative person.
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (4 February 2012):
About 4 years ago I had a very low self esteem and basically thought the same way you've written yourself. Then a friend told me: you are really narcissistic! I was shocked, how could I be that while I didn't want to bother other people with my presence? My friend replied: because you're too obsessed with who YOU are, other people's opinions about YOU, YOUR unhappiness, etc. And she was right.
I think that the only thing standing in your way is you. You are too obsessed with your yourself. You kick yourself down, you harp on your own looks, you have prejudiced opinions on what other people think of you...etc. Instead of making this about you, make it about them. Talk to people, be interested in their lives and their thoughts. Share jokes and anecdotes with them. Don't wait for people to approach you, approach them! It's hard. It's tough. But it pays back tenfold. As for age, it's only as big a problem you make it out to be.
Look at it this way: if you feel old now, you'll be old for the majority of your life. I think being in your twenties is still damn friggin young. So get out there and live life without self pity!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): Well, I'm 27, neither fat nor ugly, and yet I have never had any guy interested in me. On the other hand, I've seen girls who do fit that description, having boyfriends (even cute ones!) So looks don't really matter.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): I'm not sure where you are from, but in my town, if you go out to a club/bar it is a serious effort not to get kissed.get glammed up and go out to a club with your friends, have an amazing night. Dance for a bit with a guy and then smooch on the dance floor. It is super easy. If you mean you actually want a relationship with a guy and to look for a boyfriend, that's alot harder, but usually you can do this just by widening your social circle and just meeting more avaliable guys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): "I don't think anyone wants to"
Well what are you going to do to make people want to?
You used to be someone people want to know? Then you need to examine your life or talk to a brutally honest friend who will give you the low down on why that has changed.
It sounds to me like a lack of self-belief and you can be as gorgeous as you want, that would make any woman ugly.
You need to rediscover that. Don't like your weight? Lose it, healthily. Feel lonely and hate being alone? Get out there and make friends, join clubs, talk to people online even.
This isn't about getting kissed as much as it is about you wanting to feel desired. The others have told you that not having been kissed at your age is nothing strange, so it's more to do with you wanting to be a person you feel you're not and you need to get up of your arse start becoming that person. Within realistic expectations though.
My advice is this. Start a programme of self-improvement. Take up any old hobbies you used to love that you kind of let go, they will bring you happiness. Start an exercise regime you will enjoy, a sport or other such physical activity, preferably one that has a social aspect and competition to keep you motivated, that way you can make it a lifestyle and one you can keep doing forever if you like.
Go to night classes and learn a new skill, anything a new language, pottery, something you've never done but would like to try. Even the most minor of achievements will have a massive impact on your self esteem. I could go on and on, but the real trick here is to learn to be proud of yourself, so things that enrich your life, make it fun, make you an interesting person to be around and confidence will develop from that. Confidence is the sexiest part of a woman. I know you might think we guys like big boobs, thin waists and blond hair but the reality is we love confident women no matter what they look like.
So forget about kissing, guys and all that stuff and make you the best you that you can. All the rest will build from there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): I was 30-freaking-5 when I had my first kiss (and I've been a hopeless romantic since I was 7!). He came into my life out of the blue. We've since split, but even if it takes more time than we care to imagine, it probably will happen. Keep yourself busy right now and enjoy the things in life that you do or find some new things to do. For as trite as it sounds, eventually you'll "both" be in the right place at the right time...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): First of all: you're not the only one who's in this position. Though it's uncommon and though they're pretty much invisible in society, there are a lot of other women and men out there who are past 20 and yet don't have any sexual or romantic experience whatsoever. Just search this site with the words "never had a girlfriend" or "never had a boyfriend". At the very least, you're not the only one dealing with this problem.
But that aside; as eek already pointed out, it sounds like you have confidence issues. But I do get the impression that there's more going on than that.
From what you've written, I'm getting the feeling that you might be stuck in a vicious circle that reinforces your own negative self-image - perhaps even to the point that you're isolating yourself from others, just because you're affraid that they might point out your insecurities and judge you.
If you really have become socially isolated, then this is a problem that goes beyond simply being unable to attract & get a guy. Really, if that's the case, then you should focus on solving your confidence issues and rebuilding a healthy social life first. Finding someone and 'the dating game' as a whole are *much* easier when you have a network of friends along with means to meet new people.
Lastly: ignore advice like "you will meet someone when the time is right" - feelgood phrases like that only work if you have an active social life. For people who are socially isolated or who have severe problems with social interaction, following such 'advice' will only result in vain hope and nothing else.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): You age is no issue here. You are still very young.
If the fat is ruining your confidence when DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Shed the extra pounds and get out there.
People who complain about their weight being a problem in their lives get it all wrong. Weight is not problem because it can easily be rectified through exercise and diet.
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A
male
reader, eek +, writes (1 February 2012):
 it sounds to me like you have lost your confidence. I know at times in our lives it feels like we are moving no where but stay strong. When the time is right you will meet someone who will love you for who you are. Your not old yet and im sure your not ugly.
Infact you sound wonderful i know there must be a load of people (me included) who would love to get to know you. You have no baggage from previous relationships. Which is a big Plus to a lot of people.
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 Let me ask you something anonymous. Why is it so important to you? It's not going to change who you are. It's not going to change anything. So I wouldn't worry about it too much. Life is not all plain sailing (whatever that means). You have to take the bad with the good. Accept life for what it is. A tough journey. But I hope your luck changes soon. I really do.
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