A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Age old cliche - and I never thought it would be me asking advice on it!Basically, I'm stuck between 2 guys.Let's start with Guy # 1. Someone I dated for 6 months, really truly fell head over heels for him. He has a bit of a rough past, not usually the type I would go for, but the feelings I had for him were like none ever experienced for anyone before. He had a drug problem he was overcoming, and was doing very well. Had 2 slip ups when we were together (which was him getting stoned). I had alot of pressure frommy family, who really didn't like him, to end it. My Dad has very high expectations of me and thnks I should be with someone like him - works in an office, makes good money, similar upbringing blah blah blah. The pressure got too much, trying to keep the relationship low key etc, that we decided to end it.3 months after we end, I begin dating someone else...Guy # 2, a real nice guy, but the spark isn't totally there. We're great friends, he's great in bed, we have fun, and he is a great guy, but I just can't get over the intensity of my feelings for Guy # 1, am I making a mistake??I hadn't seen Guy # 1 for a while, we recently bumped into each other randomly and went for a coffee...Those feelings were still there and just as string, I could tell he felt the same even though we didn't speak about it.
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female
reader, xlittleredcutiex +, writes (6 July 2008):
I'm not offering advice here but wow! to the advice below by SamuraiRick! related to that advice so much and have definalty learned something.Thanks!
A
male
reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (6 July 2008):
 I have been singled out as both the bad boy and the good guy…depending what girl you talk to. I won’t take sides here with either guy so know that right now.
I’m not going to give you advice on who you should pick. That’s a question only you can decide from deep within.
I can however, try to shine a little light on where you might be…and maybe help you see where you need to go.
You are in a stage in you life where you are dueling between fun and happiness. I bet you don’t even know the difference do you?
It’s a question I find myself asking women I meet all the time…. What they are looking for…fun or happiness.
Fun is the thrill of the moment. It’s the adrenaline you get from a rollercoaster. It’s sex on a beach. It’s rolling the dice and gambling your money without care. Fun is not caring where you will end up tomorrow as long as you have your thrills tonight. Fun with a bad boy like guy # 1 is the excitement of his unpredictable devil-may-care personality. He thrills you because of his less than unscathed past, which is a stark contrast to your true blue father. Fun for you is about rebelling with the image of your father isn’t it? That’s why a guy who resembles your father seems so wrong to you.
Fun can also have a dark side to it… because sometimes when you wake up the next morning you don’t like where you find yourself. With fun you are also risking your life. And a lot of people die in the name of fun, sadly.
You sound to me like a girl who is out for fun in a relationship.
You’re not ready for happiness.
What is happiness? Happiness is the contentment and satisfaction of being with someone who loves you and serves your basic needs… not your baser needs. While its fun to make babies and the act of making babies…happiness is the raising of babies, and the joy they bring to you. Happiness is living a stable life where you are not worried about where your next meal will come from. While it is fun to have a good meal…happiness is knowing you have that meal or any kind of meal to survive on not just enjoy.
Happiness is having a home and a roof over your head you call your own….while fun is a great night in a high class hotel…then you have to leave the next day. Happiness is having a car that gets you there and never gives you trouble. Fun is a fast car you drive carelessly and constantly risk your life in.
So as I see it guy # 2 represents Happiness for you….not fun. You seem to like him…you even say you have great sex with him. He seems to be respectable and stable. But as you say…the spark isn’t there. You are not ready for happiness in your life.
Fun is where you are seemingly at and that’s where you’ll be for some time. You may get over this phase…and by the time you do, you may regret turning down the guy who could give you the most happiness in favor of the guy who can give you the most thrills.
But I don’t think you are even thinking about your future. You live for the moment. You live for the thrill.
The choice is up to you. But think about where you are in life, and do this every day… Is it fun you desire or happiness? If you can answer this most basic question you will know who is right for you.
Have your fun…but remember when all is said and done, its happiness that matters most when you reach the end of your life. I don’t expect you to understand all this… It takes a lot of time and experience and maybe that’s what you need.
Whatever you choose I wish you luck.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (6 July 2008):
 I think the drama of guy number is what has you still so attached to him. Having to keep everything low key and your parents not approving is in a way kind of fun. It's hard to describe. Then you go to dating someone who is nice and fun to hang out with but there just isn't that spark. I have been there, and it sucks. From my experience I didn't really love the first guy, just the drama and excitement of it all. I'm not sure how into him you are but if the spark isn't there for the second guy you should let him know and talk as friends until or if some feelings do develop for him. You can't force yourself to be into the second guy as much as you want to and still being so attached to the first guy isn't fair to the second one. So let him know what's going on and take everything very very slow. This is what I did and I ended up actually falling for the nice guy once I didn't put pressure on myself to like him etc. Good luck with everything, I hope I helped you out :)
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