A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Have been with my bf for 7mths.i like buying him gifts,but he never gets me anything.he says girls are not suposed to be spoiled with gifts and money.he complains about being broke all the time,but i know he gets 2 have money most of the time.we are both students,so am not asking for much.just little things to show that he cares.i love him very much.he is my first serious bf.i know he loves me too.this is affecting my feelings.he talks of us getting married after we graduate from uni,bt if this is how he is,i dont want to spend the rest of my life like this.i dont know maybe am not understanding,but if he cant think of me when he gets some money,he is likely to behave the same in future.sometimes i feel like am being taken advantage of,when i visit his room on campus,i cook,wash,sweep for him.i even mend his torn clothes.i think he is too comfortable.next week is valentines day,am debating whether to get him something or not coz am not expecting anything from him.help please!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): His behavior has nothing to do with him being a student- his attitude is that he will do little to nothing for you, and maybe never buy you any gifts while you do EVERYTHING for him including buying him gifts. This is mean and selfish to say the least.Girls don't deserve gifts and money - that says A LOT about him and his attitude towards women. Extreme economical stinginess is often a sign of emotional stinginess. But it probably goes deeper than that if he has money to spend and he buys nothing for you ever, but he accepts your gifts and lets you clean up after him. You are right to want some material tokens of his affection for you. This is one of the pleasures of a relationship.Stop doing all of this, you are giving way too much of yourself, talk to him and if he still feels the same way then find someone else. Good Luck.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Gosh... you mend his clothes? What century are you living in?
Oh zambia, the 15th century it seems then.
On a more serious note, people are the way they are. There is nothing wrong with a guy not buying gifts for a girl BUT the girl got to be of the type that wants this. Some people don't believe in gift giving, you do not.
You clearly expect different behavior from a boyfriend, so that means he is wrong for you. A hamburger is not a wrong sort of food, but if I want a salad, it is.
So, you are wrong in expecting him to change but NOT in dumping him and finding a guy who does belief in slightly spoiling his girl. Especially if she spoils him in return by cooking, sweeping, washing, mending... geez really? If western women hear about this they will hunt you down and kill you to stop the idea from spreading.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 "he says girls are not suposed to be spoiled with gifts and money."
This line in particular leads me to believe that he will never change. In fact, this gives me the gut feeling of a masogynistic personality. By not "spoiling" you he's keeping you in your place. The same way he's doing it by having you do chores for him while doing nothing for you.
To me, this is the symptom of a larger problem, but I hope I'm wrong. It's never wrong to show appreciation or be nice to your partner. The occasional gift doesn't count as spoiling someone either.
I'm with Honeypie, nothing more than a card.
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A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv +, writes (10 February 2011):
 you have to understand most college students or broke. Gas is high, food is high. Dont stress about buying him anything expensive. Get a card from the dollar star along with some chocolate. Ask him if he wants to exchange gifts. Simply just go to a cheap movie together. Have fun
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Seems to me you should follow his example and stop buying him stuff. If he truly can't afford to spoil you how is he supposed to do so?
Get him a card. It's just Valentine's.
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