A
male
age
51-59,
Chemer
writes:Hi all,My story starts with me having a number of failed relationships. I was sexually abused from 4 - 12 and then went with an older woman at the age of 16. She dumped me for someone her own age as she was 46 at the time. I felt used and abused.I have always been developmentally backward due to Aspergers Syndrome a condition that is based on Autism. I was not really interested in Women properly and was more interested in games.When I finally did get interested in Women it was many years later. My confidence had been knocked by Karen who I saw when I was 16. At 23 I met a woman who had learning difficulties. It turned out she was bi polar as well and even tried to stab me once with a kitchen knife. She had a high temper and used to put me down. This did my esteem no good.At the age of 24-25 I went to College. I still had little success and was socially inept and even bullied for being older than others in the class I attended.At 24 I went with a couple of lads who also did not really fit in and started to go to Rock Clubs. There you did not have to fit in to be accepted. Most people accepted me for being different. You could wear Jeans and a t shirt and get into the clubs unlike the Trendy places.I met a number of people and one was called Ian. To cut a long story short he invited me back to his house. His Wife made no bones about showing me how much she liked me. Eventually when Ian was at work I ended up having an affair with her. She eventually kicked Ian out. She was a single Mother and a highly sexed person. Again I felt all was well and she said although she cheated on Ian she never would on me. However she cheated on me with a bloke down the road. I only found out cause Philip her son bumped his head and the boyfriend she had been dating well he turned up the say he was not supposed to so Julie was exposed. Despite all this I had such low esteem I saw her just for sex a number of times until her family told me she did not want to know me anymore. I was devastated. I forgave her for cheating on me. Yet she already had moved on and got bored of me. I then started to hit out and after my Nan died who I adored and both my parents had Cancer I decided to just take what I could get. I got on the Internet and found it easier to talk to women there. Most of the women interested were married though. I did not care and ended up having a number of one night stands with them. I felt cheap and used. Some of the women were nice looking but I knew that it was going to be a one off. I was not going to see them again. I did not care about the Husbands as far as I was concerned they were not fulfilling their part of the bargain with the wives.After losing my Job I got even more down. I was still living at home and having arguments with my Parents. I eventually at 27 met this Woman who was 19. She was a lovely girl and a bit big, but I did not care. She was not like other Girls I had been with and was pretty shy and inward. She had been abused as a child as well so we had something in common from the word go.We did have our ups and downs. Her friends did not like the fact that I was older than her. Also I did not fit in with their crowd. I was seen as weired and odd. I was on meds for my high anxiety and also did not say much due to my social skill problems.But we hit it off. We had our first holiday at Butlins. Things went great and although we had a few arguments we got over that. It was never a wirl wind romance, but at least it was a relationship.Things swiftly moved on and we moved in together. It was not the nicest of places and was pretty rough. Cracks started to show when I picked up the phone and overheard her talking to her best friend about leaving me. But again we got over that and things went smoothly for a few years.Well we got married in 2001. Two women we met online ALexis and Heather joined us in more ways than one. You see my Wife is Bisexual and I knew that. When 911 happened it threw us into a spin so we thought we would make the best of it. We had a 3 sum etc. But afterwards I felt like we had screwed up our marriage. It was like what was the point of taking vowes and then doing that???Then something big happened in 2003 that rocked our world. It caused problems in the relationship, but we got back on track, or so I thought. We also had to move due to a burglary, it appeared we had everything that could ever be thrown at a couple and then some.Well to cut a long story short due to anti social neighbors we had to move again. I was a nervous wreck but got some help and even got a diagnosis for my Aspergers which meant that finally I could get help with my condition.We moved into a lovely flat and being secure I loved it. I even started to think positive again. But then big cracks started to show when my wife joined the Gym. She started to only go a few hours, but then some days she went as much as 8 on her days off.Before long we were leading separate lives. I had a woman over to stay in March-April and we had a sexual affair she was from Australia. We met online. My Wife didn't appear to mind though. In fact she encouraged me to spend more time with the woman.Ontop of that another Woman I met online came down a few times . We were just mates. This was after the Woman from Australia left. But she had started to come down since September 2006. Ok hope you get all this lol. Nothing happened between us, but she was very supportive.Once my Wife had not come back for ages from work. I was very worried. Eventually I fell asleep then I checked the bedroom again. She was asleep in her nightie. I asked her where she had been and she said she came back early and was there all the time. Everyone who I talk to says that is rubish.Eventually she told me she was leaving. My Australian friend told my Mom this on the phone ages before. So it was no surprise when my Mother told me what she had said. I simply said I knew this was coming.Well she left July 2007. To cut a long story short she and I stayed friends for a bit, but eventually when she started to not pay bills that she should have and was playing me for a fool then we started to drift apart even as mates.The woman who came down in September is now my Girlfriend. She lives in Wales though. We shall see how that goes. She is going to spend New years week with me. That is my relationship up to now. Lol I could write a book. Maybe it is my Aspergers that is the reason I deviated in my Marriage or maybe its just cause I knew that she was playing away anyway so thought I may as well.Anyway take care,Steve
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affair, at work, best friend, bullied, cheap, cheated on me, confidence, living at home, met online, moved in, one night stand, shy, the internet Reply to this Article
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male
reader, Chemer +, writes (26 February 2008):
Chemer is verified as being by the original poster of the question My situation got worse when this girl became clingy. There is a distance between us. At first when I was with her the chemistry was there. I had no problems thinking of me with her in the future. But then she started to question why I wanted a pint with my DAD etc. Also her UNI work is taking up a lot of her time. We hardly have much time as it is.Her family appear to control her and she has to go early on a Sunday to go to the family meal. So we have little time Friday night and Saturday then she has to go. This was ok if it was once a week, but it has become less and less frequent. Now she says she needs to go to lectures etc on a Saturday so can't see me till 3.30pmI emailed her at work and told her that it is over. I will not be controlled or told when to have a meal or drink with my parents. It is up to me when I do any of this.She told me when I have an argument with her I always threaten to end it. But our arguments are not really like normal couples. She hits below the belt having a go at my Parents etc. I do not mind her having a go at me, but my parents as well its not on really.
A
male
reader, Chemer +, writes (26 November 2007):
Chemer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLOL people are slow to comment maybe I have answered my own question. Anyway the girl I am with now is saying that she wants to come down on Friday. Nothing wrong with that but my Sister n Law is going to do my place over because there is going to be a Land Lords Inspection.
The thing is she has gone balistic at this and said she is paying to come down and see me. Well the thing is I don't think I am being selfish. I have told her well in Advance. Also she is having a tatoo removed on the same day so she won't be in when the work is being carried out anyway.
I think she is being immature. I am annoyed that she should not be happy for me as this is saving me time and money. Plus we can still have a good Friday Evening and Night and the rest of Saturday and some Sunday together.
What do you think???
Steve
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A
male
reader, Chemer +, writes (26 November 2007):
Chemer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thank you so much for your quick reply Aloha.
As someone with Aspergers I feel lucky that I have found love at all. Most people with my condition find it difficult to form relationships or even get anyone interested in them. I hear so many stories on my site that I thank the lord that at least I have managed to find some happiness.
Update is simple the Girl I am with now and I saw each other again at the weekend and we got on like a house on fire. I think this has been the best weekend so far. Love making was fantastic. We did get lost direction wise coming back from town. But all was good and even had a chuckle about that. I don't remember my Wife and I ever doing anything together that meant something. We were always arguing etc.....
There must have been good times with her, but I can't really think of any at the moment. We were compatible in the bedroom, but not it would seem as partners in every other sense. Even that towards the end went down hill and we hardly did it at all leaving a massive void that just could not be rectified.
What remains at the moment are bills that have to be changed still with her name on them. A loan that is in both our names that she sometimes makes late payments on. This infuriates me as the bank sends us both threatening letters, yet I pay mine on time.
Not sure where it all went wrong. Not sure if I love this woman yet. I respect her and we have a lot in common. But I do not believe in saying LOVE YOU just for the sake of it. Love is something that doesn't happen over night. I do not think it happens like the movies. You can't simply pick up a book for someone and eyes meet and thats it. No its more complex than that. When we are both thinking of each other and going all shivery when we meet then I will know its true love. At the moment it is slowley developing. I do not want to hurt her by saying the L word and then it all falling appart and she would sayYOU SAID YOU LOVED ME. I have had that done to me before and its not very nice. Why say it if you don't mean it???
Anyway thank you again for your responce it is appreciated.
Steve
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A
female
reader, aloha  +, writes (23 November 2007):
You need to love yourself enough that people around you will love you to. If you have no respect for yourself, people won't. They can't take care of you, or make your situation better, or even make your past disappear. You are the only one that can take care of yourself and make changes in your life, your mates, girlfriends, wives are only there to walk that path with you, because is their path as well.
I hope things with this girl work out for you! Keep your hopes up! Trust her, love her. :)
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