A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi all really need bit of advice. i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 7 years we have a beautiful 4 year old child together, we live together and have alot of commitments.thing is, about 18 months ago i found out he was having an affair with a female collegue at work. obviously devasted i ended the relationship. alot happend when we split up.but after time apart i decided to give him a second chance, he was really trying hard to prove to me he was sorry. now 18 months on im just so low, its affected me in ways i couldnt imagine, my confidence my self esteem and self worth. i still cry about it and i dont know why it affects me so badly. i never tell anyone how i am feeling just because i dont want to keep dwelling on it. i hate myself so much, but why? i feel like it was my fault and i have to pick up the pieces.i know i love him. but dont feel the same as before, not even close and somtimes think the only way to get over this is to end the relationship. thank you for reading this and taking the time to answer. sorry it was long :) xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): thanl you so much fot your kind responses. its really helped me x
A
female
reader, califnan  +, writes (18 September 2009):
 Anonymous;
Philippians 4:8 - God's word teaches us: Whatever things are true, what ever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things .. This scripture is meant to show us to look around in our lives and focus on the beauty.
In time I think you and your boy friend should think about consummating your relationship with that of marriage.. Yes, people still cheat in marriage - but there is a respect and a goal - and love in marriage that is sealed by God .. a commitment that cannot be found outside of marriage..
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (18 September 2009):
 Natasia is correct about one thing, you need to rebuild the trust in your relationship.
But what you're talking about is something deeper than just the trust issue.
Its very painful for you to think about this affair and I am thinking that the reasons why you're feeling so down is that your boyfriend has not managed to show you that you have a great deal more value to him than you think.
In other words, you need to look at him, take the time with him and tell him how deeply this affair has affected you. He needs to help lift you out of this and make it clear to you that you're the best one for him and none of that was your fault.
We can all tell you that you are much better than how you feel, and he needs to do that for you too. He needs to show you that you're the one in his heart and no one else, and that you're a very good woman and mother.
Its a guess but I think he didn't do that for you before.
Part of this is that emotional intimacy that you need from him so that you can feel that he's supporting you in every respect. Maybe that's what's missing and you feel so starved of it that its affecting your self-esteem and self-image.
From what you've written, he wants you to stay in his life, and he made a terrible mistake that hurt you so badly. No one wants to suffer the way you're suffering right now; and no one here wants you to be in this kind of agony.
Its true, it wasn't your fault and it had nothing to do with who you are as a person. He made a mistake and the both of you are paying for it.
Try and let him help you if he can. It may sound strange, but I think if you need this right now, he would not have a problem being there for you emotionally.
If you still need to address it, try going to counseling to help you get to any other self-image issues. If he truly loves you, he will be with you every step of the way.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (18 September 2009):
 I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. But I'm sure you will get over it, in time. You just need time, and to realise that it wasn't anything to do with you, at all. He just went through a phase, in the way that we all do sometimes, but unfortunately because of the person he is, he acted on it. It was all him - not you. You were totally innocent in it all, and let's face it: if he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't have come back. I bet he wishes beyond anything that he hadn't done that, and I bet he just wishes it would go away and everything could be ok again.
That guy who you love is still there - but you two have to build up the trust again. I personally think that you are suffering too much on your own, and that you should tell HIM how you feel. I think he will bend over backwards to make you feel better. Share it with him. It is painful, but it is a joint problem, together, and you'll only truly put it behind you with his help.
Wishing you the best of luck with this - and remember, he wants to be with you, and he is with you. That is what counts.
xx
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A
female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (18 September 2009):
 It killed alot inside of you, someone you love so much cheats on you. If they loved you so much why would they let themselves do it? Temptation is a horrible thing, but youre supposed to have the strength to overcome it. And even if youre one of the kind that doesnt believe the saying once a cheater always a cheater, it still hurt you inside in more ways than one, it couldve changed the way you feel all together, just knowing someoen you loved so much lied to you and risked hurting you in such a way. Its understandable.
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