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*ordon
writes: I've asked questions on here before. The answers have been very helpful, but I'm sure you are all aware, things change. I told my ex girlfriend (who dumped me for someone else) that we couldn't be friends. At the time I said that to her, we were getting on really really well. We were talking and being friendly. We never mentioned "us", we were just laughing and joking like we used to when we were together. It got to a point where I realised that I was still hanging on to the hope of getting back with her. Deep down, I was thinking, "If I am friends with her and remind her how close we are, she'll come back to me."Sadly, I am quite an impatient person and I had to tell me ex that we should no longer speak. I told her that I still love her and it kills me to see her with someone else (a friend who she dumped me for) but I would always be there for her. It's been two weeks since that message. She's now gone back to university. She didn't respond to what I said in any way. It's like I don't exist. We went on a break and at the end of the break she told me she loved me and that ideally we'd work things out. It was only a few days later that I found out she'd been seeing a friend for the previous two weeks. When I found out, she didn't really seem to care. Then when we started being friends again, I was happy. But I knew that I still wanted to be with her. Was I wrong for being so honest? My ex is a very emotional and insecure person and I just don't understand how she can go from loving me to ignoring my existance so quickly. I really miss her. I don't think we could just jump back into a relationship, but I'd love to try. What do I do? Do I keep on as I am (not speaking) or do I contact her again to ask her to talk to me?
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reader, RussellBrand  +, writes (31 August 2010):
I am also going through this meeting up and being overly nice to my ex, she dumped me about 5 months ago now, we see each other about 2-3 times a week, i take her shopping whenever and wherever she wants to go, we are still sleeping with each other. She knows i still love her and at times she says loves me too but she also states we cant get back together, shes the type of girl who worries what people would think, its a weird situation i am in. She chooses when she replys to my texts, I drop anything and everything im doing at the time to answer her calls or text back, shes constantly on my mind, who knows if she thinks about me or not? I am getting completely used and reading the above statements i realise I have to be strong and move on. Within the past few months i have had girls wanting me to take them out but ive not taken it any further as i am scared it might harm my chances of getting my ex back if i do. Strange how a girl 6 years my junior at the age of 20 can have made such an impact in my life. Be strong and move on is what we have to do!!!!
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reader, kaifu  +, writes (12 September 2009):
Move on to a stage where you don't care if she comes back or not. Begging her to come back or just being there for her is guaranteed to fail, find other sources of happiness.
Ironically the only sure way to stand a chance with her, is the exact same method as moving on from her.
At that point you will know whether you REALLY want her back or not.
Everyone goes through this. In fact I'm going through it now. Just move on with your life, she dumped you, so if she wants you back, she will come to you, being overly nice to her is 100% certain to fail.
Never ever fall into the 'friends' trap, you will just get used every time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): hey man first off you need to stop begging to get back or bring up the relationship. If she has made the decision to date someone else its time to let go. If she comes back it was mean't to be. If she is still torn what you need to do is figure out what happened and fix it in yourselve. Get some confidence and live life. If you have any chance you need to be positive and lead her give her reinforcement and add value to what you can bring to a relationship. attraction is only onbe part and if this is not the one that you are going to merry or you r not reasdy dont even stress it kid. Get your swagger back and go meet some ladies.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): Buddy,
forget about her. Go enjoy yourself. When she sees that she is no longer a priority to you, there is a chance she will come back. its going to take time if it does happen. be patient and in the mean time go have fun. right now she gots you by the balls and she knows it. stop being a security blanket! get ur nuts back! you'll feel so much better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): Ok, here is my take on it...
I was in a 5 and a half year relationship too. Long, but not really. Some people get married and stay that way for life. When my ex and I split, it was devistating. The last night that we hung out, she wanted me to spend it with her. Because I was sick of her playing head-games with me, I told her "no". Needless to say, she she became angry and I almost called the police on her for assult! I then came accross a term called "Histrionic Personality Disorder". I found that my ex had all of the attributes that were described by this disorder. To sum things up, often it is not you that is at fault. Women are complex creatures. There are things that you may need to just accept about women. A few examples would be to accept that they are naturally going to be better socially then men. Accept that they will always have an easier time finding someone new. Men are the seekers and women are the sought. And accept that women are sometimes not women, but little immature girls that want everything their way at the time they want it. My ex contacted me and in less than three minutes into the conversation, she told me that her own relatives have told her that she has become "self-centered".
You need to find a woman (not a girl) that can treat you right. Date many women. Allow yourself to have many options. And when you do it, be the perfect 10. Women love guys with confidence. And if you have low confidence, start walking around like you are the perfect 10. In other words, treat all women like how a perfect female 10 would treat you. It's that simple.
Just do yourself a favor and ditch the girl. Get yourself a woman.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): Good for you coz you're still at uni. it is harder to lose someone when you are already out of uni. The circulation and diversions of your life is not that wide anymore compare to student. I ones lost my very much love person and believe me, it's almost 5years now and still there are no days that i hav'nt think about her. She is already with someone and i believe they are happy with each other.I even go abroad just to forget Her and upto know I'm still abroad for almost 5years and i still couldn't forget Her. I managed to move on and accepted the truth that we can never be with each other anymore coz i tried many times and it just didn't work out due to some reason that until now still makes me sick... But I will not mentioned about it. let's just say that when i was about to win her back, someone tried to protect me from being harm again. What they don't know is that al i wanted that time is to win Her and they ruined taht moment... sadly i couldn't blame them for they witness how hurt was I when my ex dumped me after almost 5yrs of loving her. Just her and no one, I just hope that one day my heart will open again to someone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008): To anyone going through something similar -
I know it's horrible. The pain couldn't possibly be worse. But there really is only one option, get on with your life without them. Face it, if you were dumped for someone else, they're NEVER coming back. Begging, persuasion, it'll only push them away. Be strong, get on with your life. Become busy 24/7, and i implore you to never EVER contact your ex. Not until at least you've moved on completely. Which will happen, i promise!!
I know how horrid the feeling is. But the only way to go about things is to move on. I've been through all this, i've made all the mistakes, and only with hindsight now am i dealing with it the right way. It's only been 4 months since i had this all happen, i'm not even close to being over it. But, i don't talk to my ex anymore, i've pulled about half the girls at my uni, and currently have a wonderful girlfriend. I've started working out again and taking up a few new hobbies, basically busying myself all the time. This literally is the only way to deal with things. Don't allow yourself to be dragged into a world of depression and self pity. This experience will fucking kill you. But at the end, become better for it. She's the one missing out after all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): Yea i have the same problem, my girlfriend broke up with me, she said it was "Family Problems" and the next 2 days later said she still loved me but couldnt be with me untill her "Family Problems" were settled, she said she i loved me, i told her i love her, we hung up! so i go to the all-night-skate, and she is cuttling with another guy!should i forget about it and move on, or wait, or try to ask her about it, WHAT?!?!?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007): what will you do if your hurt somuch your ex-girlfriend? and she has in love with another guy because you are too late to say sorry
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2007): OK, here is my situation..if there is any advice i would appreciate it. Me and my ex dated for 5 months or so and it was great, wed fight some then have sex to vent frustrations. i lived 30 minutes from her and couldnt drive, so when we did see eachother wed either have sex or argue and maybe hit a movie or two. When we talked positive it was magic. Anyways moving on, she dumps me roughly a month ago and dates an ex of hers 3 days later. i am nice and probably a pushover (and stupid) but i have spent the last month talking to her pointing out that i still love her and if she ever wants to come back, im here even though she is happy and having sexual relations with him (she told me she may be pregnant). we have finally decided since she gave up on caring if i call or not because of my dialog with her that we shouldnt talk for awhile and actually take a break (weve only missed 3 days talking in 8 1/2 months). i am struggling to survive this, the ymca and partys are what i rely on in place of talking to her for hours. i will always have hope that one day when were single she will come back. what should i do?
thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): hey im in the same situation me n my ex are both 22 we met wen we were 17 well just before christmas she tells me its over and that she is seing another bloke it was a good friend of hers i was crushed i couldnt eat or sleep for weeks then she txts me sayin that she cant stop thinkin about me and sayin she regrets whats happend thing is we meet up get close then she wont txt me for days she makes me tall her about my sex life but then rubs hers in my face in the end i get some advice from my brother that was a big help he said to me what did we have in common and i could only say we both enjoyd sex we didnt listen to the same music do the same things or watch the same films so if u look back at ure relationship and find ure sayin te same thing then u will find someone compatable
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007): I am suffering from the same exact problem. It really stinks. I am not so sure I have advice, but I have been trying to get my ex to fall back in love with me. I am trying my best to get back together. Maybe you should try, but then again, we could both be hung up on one girl. Others may tell you to date someone else, she's not worth it. All I know is my girl is worth it. Maybe yours is to.
Talking can't hurt. Evidently, things between the two of you can't get any worse. Hope this helped!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): basically im going through the same thing with my ex boyfriend. Eventually after not talking to him for awhile i decided i couldnt take it anymore and started talking to him and it ends up he missed talking to me too. Even thought he only wanted to continue as friends it made me feel a lot better knowing that he didnt want to completely ignore me. He has another girlfriend right now and they are happy together and from experience if you love her as much as you say you do then you would want her to be happy. Its better for you to finally move on stay friends with her and find someone for yourself because right now some girl is waiting out there for you and your missing out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): It's been a while since you wrote. So perhaps the situation no longer applies. I have been going out with my boyfriend 7 months now and we have just decided to take a 2 week break from each other. I know what it's like to love and adore someone - and u love them so much that you end up putting up with a lot more than you would from anyone else. But as hard as it is, you must start thinking with your head and not your heart. God knows better than you. And everything happens for a reason. You can't see the future so don't act as if "this is the only girl for me!"... obviously she is not the girl you thought she was - if she can treat you that badly.
So you need to heal and let time make you feel better. Until you can meet that girl who will be everything you dreamed of - AND MORE!! You CAN get through this. She is not worth it and neither is the heartache. Stay strong :-) and know that you are always loved.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005): i was in the same situation with my ex. i really truly loved her. she broke up with me, but when we were together i knew she loved me more than anything else. like you gordon, i talked to her post our break-up holding on to a hope of us getting back together. Let me tell you, its goin to be hard, but forget about her. You cant live your life wanting something that cant workout. Trust me. I wasted about 4 moths of my life trying to get back with her. Looking back at it now, its emberassing! Its like ur begging and she knows that, as long as she has that 'power' over you, she has no need for you. There's a lot of grils and please dont hang around hoping. tell her straight out if she says no.....you have nothing left to discuss with her, and forget about her. Its blunt, but in the long run you have to worry about yourself. Hope everything worksout for you buddy.
chris 18
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2005): im in the same situation now, i argue with her all the time and always become friends agen but really all i want is to have her back. she says she still likes me but nothin happens, im still in love with her and i always tell her, maybe that was the wrong thing to do. men should always keep girls guessing but when it come to love men just dont know what to do. i cant help much but just try and get over her, she will chase you knowing that u have moved on with you life..
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reader, Becca42478 +, writes (21 September 2005):
If you try to pursue her, try to change her mind, try to be such a great friend she has to see what a fool she was: What will happen is she won't see it. She will run away. The only way you probably could get her interested again is if you started dating someone else. At that time she will most likely become jealous and want to know she is still your number one. If you then show her, by dumping the other girl, she will very very likely, take you for granted again and go on her merry litte with some other guy, because her jealousy was satisfied. Sadly, if you are hoping a girl will come back to you after she dumped you for another guy, you are not in a strong position and she knows it. Women are attracted to strong men. She isn't treating you with the respect you deserve and it's in you best interest to really know this. If you put up with it anyway,and beg for scraps, she will lose respect for you because she will know she can walk all over you and you will let her. At any rate, the strongest way I could think that you could handle the situation now is: To take care of yourself, hang out with your friends, meet new girls and move on with your life. If I did that to my boyfriend, as much as he loves me, he would not grovel, or beg to just be friends. He loves himself as much as me maybe more. Cheating or leaving him for another man is not something he would tolerate. That is a very attractive quality, to know that you are with someone who won't allow you to walk all over them. When a women knows that, the man makes a strong statement that he knows he is worth being treated the way he should be treated. You teach people how to treat you. First decide how you want to be treated and don't back down, be strong, it's like lifting weights, it burns at first, and the next day may hurt like a b****! but you'll feel better than ever.
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reader, missdee +, writes (21 September 2005):
If your ex loved you there is no way she could go to just ignoring your existance. You have a point where if you remain friends with her she might change her mind, but then again, she might not. Since she was dating another guy and then came and told you she loved you. It seems to me she just wants to keep you hanging on.. (playing games with you)
Your best bet, move on with your life. This is not the girl that you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you are having this kind of trouble now with her. Make her come to you if she wants you and on your terms. No Game Playing.
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reader, rabbit +, writes (21 September 2005):
I'm not sure if my answer is a real answer, but given I'm in a similar situation, I thought I would share my experiences.
It hurts like hell to know that she's with someone else.
But I spoke with a mutual friend and found out that my ex is "quite happy" with her new relationship.
When I try talking to my ex, she says very little to me.
I asked our friend and he says she probably doesn't want to bring up the past. I thought about this comment and came to the conclusion that she decided to "bury" her emotions and loss, much like what I did, and if she were to talk to myself, these emotions would come back and she may be haunted by the past memories of loss.
In my situation, I just send her an MSN message every once in a while asking how she is, and if she chooses to respond to me, then we talk and I'm happy. Otherwise I'll just try again in a week or 2.
Probably not the 'best' way to deal with it, but I'd settle for this because then at least I know that she'll still talk to me if I absolutely need to talk to her, and she understands that she can call me to talk..even though it probably would never happen.
If someone has some real/practical answers I'd like to know too.
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reader, tatiana +, writes (21 September 2005):
I will write this to you what had helped me in my whole life. I hope it will make sense to you and you will be happier person becauce of it. First of all, if you love her let her go be yourself. The sweetest "revenge is to be happy, look good and have fun" If she does not come back to you it wasn't meant to be for a reason. This makes sense. Be a stand up guy being desperate and trying to pursue this relationship will only push her away more from you. Now here it comes one thing my mother told me after one of the most painful breakups I had in my life. I cried and cired couldn't sleep or eat, I thought life is over - because in a sense you feel like someone died, like you have no arms or legs when that someone you love leaves. I felt that way - most people feel that way. Anyway, my mom told me about her love life when she was dating this man in her youth. They were so in love, one of the most popular couples in school. They looked so great together - both of them beautiful people. Turnes out that after years of dating, my mom fund out that he was seeing someone else also. We can all imagine how she felt. He did realize he made a mistake and was asking my mom's forgivness so he could still be with her. I know my mom loved him very much, I think she still does at times, but this other woman told him she was pregnant with his baby. Back then You couldn't get tested to make sure and one thing you wanted to do for sure is to get married so noone would know you were pregnant before you got married. He was a stand up guy and he did just that. Turned out she lied about this pregnancy just to keep the guy. They ended up staying together anyway - noone was getting divorced back then - not realy because of fear of God and people. They ended up having a daughter - I even went to school with her. When their daughter was 1 year old - this man got this unusall disease and they had to amputate his leg, he lived like this for few years before they amuptated the other one, then also both of his arms. He is deseased now. My mom told me she probably would not be able to handle such a cross - so God didn't give it to her. He saved my mom from this terrible and sad experience and heartbreak. So think about this and understand that things are meant to be - let them happen the way they are meant to be. This story helped me in my life to accept things and go on. Now that I am happilly married - I look back and thank God for that broken heart - I couldn't be happier with no one else than my husband - you'll see. So wipe that teer and go on.
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reader, sybil +, writes (21 September 2005):
Don't you deserve a wonderful, loving person who is honest & trustworthy rather than still hanging on for someone who has already shown that she is not? We can never know what's in another person's mind but we can do our best to understand what's in our own. If you find yourself thinking of her, go & do something to keep yourself busy. Thoughts of her will fade given time. And remember, somewhere, there is a Miss Right!
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