A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a lovely girlfriend. We've been together for a few years. I want to married her and start a family soon, but there is a problem. Back when I was in my twenties, I made a very bad decision that landed me in prison for almost a decade. While I was there I was sexually abused by a few bad ass inmates. In the beginning I used to consider committing suicide because of this. I had no way out. After a few months the disgusting painful feeling turned to pleasure. I knew deep in my heart that it was wrong but I wasn't in control. So I let it go. Fast forward to the day I was released, I've never thought that I would miss the sexual act that I was forced into. I was wrong. Even though I have good sex with my girlfriend I miss the pleasure of being penetrated by guys. It sounds crazy but I don't know how to get it out of my head. I used to sneak around Craigs List thinking about responding some ads but never had enough courage to do so. I don't want to hurt my girlfriend feeling and would prefer to have the common family life but sometime the urge is almost unbearable. I feel ashamed and never told anyone about this secret. How do I fix my sickening mind? Should I marry her while still having this mental issue?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): If you are truly in love with her, then DON'T sneak around in any way on her. Tell her you enjoy being penetrated during sex but let HER strap it on and be the one to do that with you! My wife and I are in the SAME situation but she won't actually sleep with men. She and I got married. I penetrate her whenever she desires and our sex life is GREAT. She loves it. Let your woman give you the pleasure that you enjoy. It might be weird for her. Some women are turned off by the idea, but I think she should like doing this with you a LOT better than the idea of you laying down with a dude. Give her the respect she deserves. THIS way, you both get what you love. No sneaking, no cheating, no hurting your woman, and you don't go without the intercourse, either. Let HER give it to you. No diseases, no pregnancy, no worries! GOOD LUCK!!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): Man I feel sorry for you. I used to be in prison and have seen guys like you got used. Usually guys who have decent look and appear to be soft are picked to be bitches of the top dogs. Don't appear soft if you get to go to prison again!
My advice is to go ahead and marry your girl. Obviously you are not gay if you don't like sucking cock. You must be crazy not to secure a woman you love when have a chance. Do you forget how bad it was being locked up and had no access to women at all for many fucking years! That's inhumane! Think about this after you married her you can do her every night! How bad can that be? Now if you aren't gay you'll agree with me man.
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A
male
reader, inhibited  +, writes (8 April 2011):
 I honestly think you need to talk to a professional and try and get over this idea that what you're feeling isn't right and that it makes you a sick person. You are a product of your surroundings nothing more and nothing less and for the last 10 years your surroundings have been pretty bad.If you derive any pleasure from having sex with women then you are at the very least bisexual and not totally gay. Similarly, if you derive pleasure from having sex with men you are at the very least bisexual and not totally straight. Sorry.With regards to “not being as tight as normal". Why not try a bigger strap on from the get go?. If this is the first time your wife-to-be has penetrated a guy she will have no point of reference for how tight a mans bum should be and may not even think about it? The anus is a muscle so you could try simply tightening on a daily basis to help with it also.Unfortunately I think it’s highly improbable anyone will come here and be able to tell you how to stop feeling what you're feeling. You need to experiment with what makes you tick and what gets you off and embrace what that is. If in the end you find that being penetrated by men is your thing then you may need to accept that is simply part of who you are you now and move on. Do not let this single facet of your personality define you. You are still a high functioning member of whatever society you chose to be part of and you’re not the first person to be feeling this way or having to deal with just this type of scenario. I wish you the all best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): Thank you everybody who kindly tried to guide me to the right directions. Here are the answers to some of your questions. Boonridge - I have always attracted to women and used to have a girlfriend even before I went to prison. I'm pretty sure I was not gay. As for enjoyment I am sad to say that being penetrated gave me more pleasure than doing my girlfriend. Does that make me gay now? :-(Moon river, inhibited - Thank you for the strap on idea. I've never thought of it. Will she be able to tell that I was raped before? I was abused for years by multiple guys, I afraid it is not going to be as tight as normal guys. I really scare and don't want her to know my dark secret. As for dildo I try to avoid it. It reminds me of a painful memory when I was forced to take it in my mouth. It was absolutely disgusting.macdubh712 - Since I never had sex with a man after leaving prison, I don't know does it have to be men who penetrate me. Maybe I should try the strap on idea with my girlfriend.anonymous - No I have not talked to anyone about this. I afraid if my secret leaks out, people would hate me. It's not acceptable to have sex with guys (with or without consent) where I live. I really appreciate all answers here. I think I should delay the marry for now and try strap on with my girlfriend. But honestly I would prefer to get rid of my sick desire to be penetrated. It's not right. Please let me know if anyone know a way to do that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): i suggest you do NOT marry your girl friend. please do not subject her to a life filled with pain and regrets. This is what will happen if you do decide to marry her. I trust that this is not what you want to happen BUT you need to sort yourself out.whether gay/bi sexual/tormented, you need to seek professional help. we all make mistakes in life, we get cornered and sometimes that forced pain is the "escape". whatever the reason for your "new" sexual desires, i just want you to try to do minimal damage to your gf's life. if you find out that you are gay then put the brakes on everything and RELEASE HER. she deserves better than to be subjected to a lie. A painful time in the past, a painful time in the present but hopefully with proper counselling, you can be unburdened in the future.good luckLoveGirl
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A
female
reader, moon river +, writes (6 April 2011):
 Ask her to buy a strap on?Also maybe you just enjoyed it due to the sexual relic it gave you in a time where no woman could give it to you.You could always buy a Dildo for yourself if you don't want her to knowXxxx
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (6 April 2011):
 do you enjoy sex with women or men more? if its men then you might be gay.
maybe those experiences changed you, either way if you can be faithfull to her and also be sexually satisfied within your relationship i would say get married and see a counsellor. but if you really prefer a man inside you to sex with your girlfriend then dont marry her.
you cant have your cake and eat it. just be honest with yourself
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): Dear anonymous,First of all I am very sorry for you, it must be terrible to be in this situation of loving someone and still having sexual desires of something else.Homosexuality isn't wrong at all, in my opinion, nor is bisexuality, but it seems you can't accept this part of yourself because your sexual desires developed in an abusive situation. Don't be ashamed of your desire though, since it's not your fault. Sexual desire develops without our willpower. A lot of people with non-standard desires would prefer not to have them, yet can't help it.I think you shouldn't marry right now, if you can't say "yes" with your whole heart. I'd suggest therapy. And talking to your girlfriend. Let her know what you are going through. If she's the woman of your life you are going to get through this together. It says in good times and bad times. That's one of the reasons why people marry in the first place. It's commitment and support as well. I hope this was of any help.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 Holy smokes, you really need to discuss this with a therapist before you discuss it with anyone else.Do that first, soon, very soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): Hun, you were abused and damaged in prison. I think you should really explore these feelings and thoughts in counseling. What u went through must have been terribly traumatic...as a victim you managed to make the best of the situation. Now it's time to figure out the effects and heal.
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A
male
reader, inhibited +, writes (6 April 2011):
I'm terribly sorry to hear of your rape during your time in prison. Have you talked to a professional regarding this?That consideration aside, first I think you need to realize if you really desire being with men specifically or if maybe it's the submissive act of being penetrated by force. The letting go and just being taken. Have you ever been penetrated by a woman with a strap-on while she plays a similarly dominant role to the guys in prison?I don't think you have a sick mind at all; the letting go of the stresses and strains of life, the relinquishing of responsibilities/control and letting someone else take charge is a common thing for men and women. It's a release. To me sexuality is shades of grey anyway, hardly anyone is 100% gay or straight although maybe most are 95+% one way or the other for the majority of their lives.If the urge you feel is as unbearable as you say then at some point in the future you're going to act on your impulses and cheat on your wife. To avoid this happening and probably ruining your relationship down the road you obviously need to tell her exactly what it is that you're feeling now because you have to build your relationship on trust. There are more women out there than you'd imagine that like seeing two guys together or maybe just maybe she'll ask for a strap-on for her birthday.I too am kind of in the same boat although I am not engaged, but I am very bisexual and fantasize over both men and women in mostly equal measure. I want a wife and kids and a mortgage but I also like to have sex with men (whilst being dressed up as a woman).You have to be honest for both your sakes. If she cannot expand her horizons to help fulfill this part of your nature. And without lying to yourself, if you really don't think these feelings will go away then maybe you need to find someone who is prepared to accept all that you are and help you realise all that you desire.
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A
male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (6 April 2011):
This is a delicate question so please take no offense to my answer. First, if you want to overcome this maybe you should see a therapist. There's no telling what type and how much damage the ordeal in prison caused you. However, with your "desires," does it matter that it is a man penetrating you? I mean, there are devices that women can use to do that...Again, please take no offense to my response because none is meant.
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