A
female
age
36-40,
*urseBetty85
writes:I know this is Long, but I need some advice..I've been knowing my stepfather since I was 11. He was always the "cool" parent. We developed a close relationship, talking about all facts of life. He was the first one to know when I loss my virginity. I never saw him as a true threat, even tho he'll make comments on how nice i'm growing up and filling out.When I turned seventeen years old, My stepfather exposed him self not once but twice. The first time that it happened I was Drawing exotic art for my art class. He walked by me and said "thats not how you draw a dick".Then out of now where, he pulled it out and stared to explain the male genitila. I was nervous, scared and confused...at the moment I thought he was just helping. The second time, he and my mom just came home from a party and he was drunk. He took a shower and came in the living room (where I slept) and opened his robe and sit down with legs gaped open.Things got worse between us when I started to put on weight at 18-19 years old. He made it clear that i wasnt attractive anymore..by calling me a fat bitch etc..So as the years went on we slowly stop talking to one another. As a older young lady, I realize what he done was wrong! Now at the age of 23, I just told my mother a couple of mouths ago. He had to get rushed to the hospital, stayed for a week. I did not budge to even come see him. I didnt feel the love in my heart. My mom didnt understand, so she yelled at me and calling me a mean bitch for not going to the hospital. So I told her the reason. She was hurt, shocked and confused. She was grabbing his things to kick him out, then her feelings changed. She was worried about kicking a ill man out on his own and worrying about his half of the rent. She told me as long as he didnt rape me, to just forgive him and get over it! She also started to defend him saying that he was drunk. I felt like jumping out the window..My own mother Not being on my side. He came back from the hospital and admit it was true, he even admit feeling up on my 16 year old friend at the time. I Have no respect for this man, he's a fucking pedofile! It kills me inside that my Beauiful young mom is still with him. I'm 23 and I still live at home finishing up nursing school. I'll be done in a few months, but I can't stand my house. She makes me talk to him, hang out as a family. She hates the fact that I dont talk to him or even look at him. Because of him, I lost attaction for dark-skin men. Everytime A dark-skin man asks me out, all I can see is my stepfathers dark black dick. I can't even enjoy black porn knowing I might see a dark dick. As a Caramel-skinned woman, this makes me look bad and stuck-up.Please tell me if my grudge is normal or if I'm over re-acting. I know I have to respect the household, but I can't stand his guts. I have no where else to go. My mother is paying for my education. Give me some advice on how to cope with this living stituiton, it's tearing me and my mom apart.Thanks for your time..NurseBetty
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reader, NurseBetty85 +, writes (11 January 2009):
NurseBetty85 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks to everyone for your help and advice. I don't feel so bad about holding my grudge now. The good thing is I will be on my feet shortly to get out this house. I think thats the big problem. When I move out I dont have to look at or talk to that Bastard.
Thanks!
A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (10 January 2009):
 First and foremost, I am truly sorry for what you are going thru.
Your feelings are legit. You have every right to feel the way you feel. No one can tell you different.
I agree with Angelic. Your situation is like "bitter sweet".
Good luck with your endeavours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): If he did it to you, and admitted to feeling up your 16 year old friend, then he most likely will do it to other unsuspecting young girls. He needs help, you need help, your mother needs help. I agree with first sitting down with the two of them and suggesting they get help. If he doesn't get help, he may molest someone. Your obligation is first to yourself, then to stop him from doing worse to someone else. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (10 January 2009):
 I think you, your mum and him should sit down one day and talk about it. make sure you tell your mum about it beforehand and tell her that your going to confront him make sure she's supports you when you do this. i thnk this will be very character and confident building for you but it will be tough. then;
When your at the table or wherever id just say to him" I need to bring something rather important to your attention" you'll need to remain strong and confident here ok? then say "Why all those years ago did you, flash yourself at me?"
It will sort of put him into a shock and a dais. He might even deny it totally because he will be embarrassed about your mum finding out and then get a little defensive when he realizes she already knows. But you'll need to be cool here and just ask him why. Hopefully he'll give you some answer. try asking him to think about it for a few days and then tell you say after a week. the point is you will get him thinking about it and he will reflect on that too.
I'm hoping you will get some sort of answer from him. he might break out and tell you something even about his childhood, its really hard to say right now but thats how id start.
If its too much id try going to a counsellor (the three of you) for a few sessions to try and seek guidance. even if you want to hold out telling him till one of those sessions its a good idea to also break it to him in the presents of a social worker/psychologist.
i wish you the best, and let us know how you go.
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A
female
reader, Chata +, writes (10 January 2009):
 You are perfectly right to be upset. I do not believe that you are over-reacting at all.My best friend and her older sister were molested by their step-father. I did not find out until a few years later, and I pressured her to tell her mother. She kept saying that she would, but she never did. A year after she told me, I told my parents and they told her mother that she needed to talk to her daughter. My best friend broke down and told her. Her mother told her that she should forget about it and that she didn't even know if she believed her. Her step-father denied the whole thing, and her mother took his side! I know that I believe her because he has touched me inappropriately a few times. I do not believe that her mother and step-father are together anymore, but I know that it is not because of the molestation issue. Her mother still does not believe her and treats her badly, blaming her for him leaving. If your mother is taking his side and telling you to just get over it, that is wrong of her. You are her child. You should come first, no matter what. Even if he his ill, she should have thrown him out. Especially after he admitted to it. You are an adult now, and she shouldn't be able to control you like that. So if you don't want to talk to him, you shouldn't have to. I would say that as long as you live there, the tension is going to push you and your mother apart. You should look into getting your own place, or maybe rooming with someone. That way, you will not have to deal with your stepfather and there will not be so much tension between your mother and you. You will have the space that you need.
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A
female
reader, Angeljc1 +, writes (10 January 2009):
what he did was wrong, but i understand u also have no where to go. i say jus try to stick it out til you finish nursing school and once u get a nice job, get the hell out. tell your mom that you love her, but you need to leave. she should understand that you are her daughter and she married a jerk for a husband. she should be on your side. just because he got sick doesnt mean you should forget that ever happened. your mother should love you no matter what. if she isnt on your side, try to get some friends to back u up and make sure you arent alone, if u have to cut ties with her. she will understand in the end
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