A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a sexual relationship with a woman that had stated from the beginning that all that she was looking for was for fulfilment. OK, with me. What man will turn a foxy woman down? Not many!! Anyway we have been having our weekend get together-s at my home for the last few months. Recently she told me she was developing strong feelings for me. That was not our original agreement, now she turns on me. I'm going to walk after our next weekend but don't know how to go about it with her. I don't want to hurt her anymore than she has to I think I'm walking away because I think I may get to her level at some point if we continue this. I admit that when we are together I'm in another world, this woman has something that I never found in no other before, its just that we live too far apart for this to work. So it be better now than later on, thats my way of thinking right now. Am I right in wanting to walk now rather than later? We live over 200 miles apart, am I right in thinking we live way too far? I'm in a whirlpool here. I need to know the opinion others have towards my situation. I really don't want to hurt her but I see no alternative. NYC Reply to this Question
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (27 October 2009):
 Despite my inexperience with purely sexual relationships I have observed that they never seem to end with the same mutual understanding they start with. AuntyEm was right about it being the woman who tends to get emotionally attached.
If I may be straight with you: Man-up and end it cleanly without deriving any more pleasure in any way from her. You are taking advantage of her female vulnerability if you are not feeling the same as her. That is not mutually beneficial for either of you. She is fooling herself and your integrity is getting damaged (bad news for male self esteem).
There is a part of me that wishes this kind of thing could work though! The same way I wish that I could eat whatever I want and maintain my build or have my bank account never run dry no matter how many cool gadgets I buy on Ebay. I had to learn those lessons the hard way despite many clever rationalizations. Its that whole "having your cake and eating it too" thing, we all do it on some level I guess.
Good luck
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (19 October 2009):
 You should ask yourself if you would miss her once you've pulled the plug? Not miss the sex, but the woman in general. Because if so, then maybe you should re-think your angle. Is your only reason because you live so far apart? Why don't you tell her what you told us, that you think you could develop feelings for her but you think the distance of where you live will become a problem, this will give her the chance to agree with you (to end the relationship) or work on finding a solution. Some people have been known to move closer to each other if they have a good thing going. If you click with this woman, you'd be a food to let her go. Pardon my bluntness, but you're nto exactly in your prime anymore, do you really want to continue being a player at your age?....Or find someone you can enjoy grow old(er) with.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (18 October 2009):
 I agree with caring guy...you nned to end it as soon as you can. You say your going to do it after your next weekend with her? Why prolong the agony. Call her up, tell her it was never meant to be a loving relationship and then cut the cord.
It is my belief that the majority of these FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS relationships end this way with the woman developing deeper feelings and the guy feeling like he has been mislead in some way. Your right of course 'Not many guys would turn down a foxy lady' but you have to consider there is much more at risk here and people invariably get hurt. This woman is hurting and you need to minimise that by being honest with her by telling her you don't feel the same way, and then you need to let it be.
Neither of you are at fault, you just need to end something that is no longer working.
Aunty Em xxx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 October 2009):
If you don't love her, you are right to end it now. She knew that you wouldn't be interested in her anymore than just for sex, so she was aware something like this could happen. You need to end this as quickly as possible, so sit her down, explain that you understand her feelings but that you don't feel the same way and that you have to end it so she isn't left in limbo. Be gentle, but make sure she is aware that it is over and that's ot. Then stop contact and dont' see her again not even as friends. That would only prolong her pain. Good luck.
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